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Anyone else a SAHP to 2 pre-schoolers want to chat?

(25 Posts)
GreenEyedMonster14 Sun 23-Nov-14 13:40:36

I have a 16 month old DS and a 3.3 year old DD.

DD goes to nursery for 3 hours a day which breaks the day up a bit but it's still so so boring! I live quite rurally which doesn't help

DS has started having the most horrendous tantrums (head banging, screaming, hitting, making himself sick ect) which is hard work.

The DC are just constantly fighting and arguing. Every five minutes I'm having to pull them off each other!

And of course it's nearly I'm possible to get any housework done.

It sounds awful but they can be so loving toward each other. They are always hugging and giving each other kisses. I don't regret the age gap at all.

MiaowTheCat Sun 23-Nov-14 19:08:40

11 months between mine - they're very very close - but close also involves wrestling, bickering and me bellowing "do NOT stand on your sister!" fairly regularly (1 1/2 and 2 1/2). Eldest does two sessions a week at preschool, which we're upping to three half days as she's getting on so well there.

GreenEyedMonster14 Sun 23-Nov-14 19:40:20

Wow 11 months! I'm impressed. grin your DC could have potentially been in the same year at school.

The preschool/nursery times goes too quickly doesn't it? I feel like as soon as I've got home, it's time for pick up again.

Givemecaffeine21 Tue 25-Nov-14 19:16:12

Me , me! 11 month gap too and green I really could have written your post. DD is 28 months, nursery 3 mornings a week, DS is 17 months. They love each other but fight like cat & dog. We do something most mornings but with two, I find getting out in the PMs too a real struggle, esp with the constant rain, which I generally can't face so they play...or rather fight, tantrum, scream and demand...the rest of the afternoon.

I love them so much and wouldn't change it, but right now, I'm in a tough place!

Miaow do you have any sage advice? X

halfdrunkcoffee Tue 25-Nov-14 19:39:06

I have a son who's just four and a daughter who is nearly 23 months.
It's hard work! DS is at nursery five mornings a week (it does go quickly!) so I get some time with just DD, but I rarely have time with just DS unless his sister is asleep.
They can be very loving but also always want to play with the same thing at the same time. There are frequent cries of "Sister is annoying me!"

Givemecaffeine21 Tue 25-Nov-14 20:13:42

I'm with you there halfdrunkcoffee....a room full of toys but they always, always, want the same bloody thing. I even have THREE toy buggies (one each plus visiting child - all gifted to me and worth it!) so when they fought over the one I brought in the house today I got the other out the playhouse....peace I think....no, silly mummy, because of course DS took the 'wrong' baby for his pram so DD was having a screaming fit over that...'he got my baby, he got my baby'. Give.me.strength.

GreenEyedMonster14 Tue 25-Nov-14 20:58:21

I've just read your replies and I had to smile. I'm so glad it's not just my DC that fight!

I've only got 2 toy buggies but they still both want the same one even though they are both EXACTLY THE SAME. the fighting actually makes me want to cry sometimes.

Had a particularly bad day today. We made some salt dough christmas decorations and it was just a nightmare. DS was just completely destroying anything DD was making. I need like a cage for him or something. I was trying to give him his own decoration to paint/decorate, but no he wanted DDs. Then of course had a huge tantrum as he couldn't have it.

I really do feel guilty about the lack of attention DD gets. I need to make more time for her.

halfdrunkcoffee Tue 25-Nov-14 21:44:50

It looks as though wanting the exact same toy in a roomful of toys is a common feature! As is destroying or throwing on the floor everything the older sibling is making or doing.

Givemecaffeine21 Tue 25-Nov-14 22:28:39

I regularly separate mine when they get on a fighting spree, today has been bloody awful to be honest. This afternoon I plonked them both in their own rooms, shut the door, and sat on my bed head in hands whilst they both screamed full tilt. It is a relief to know it's not just mine. They play beautifully sometimes but it never seems to last more than a few minutes. My house is rocked with screaming every 10-15 mins from one or the other. Thank heaven for nursery, it's practically an oasis of calm with just DS and ALL the toys to himself...til he kicks of because I won't cuddle him ALL morning as I need to do something. And my childless friends think it must be easy and fun having kids, and tell me as much.......

GreenEyedMonster14 Wed 26-Nov-14 10:55:08

It's so different and calm when there's only one child home isn't it? I seriously wonder what I used to complain about when I only had DD!

I hope today is a bit better for you giveme.

Be honest, is your house a constant mess? Because I really do just feel like giving up on housework. Last night DS smeared half a tub of sudocrem on the dark blue carpet so there are massive white patches all over the floor that won't come off. I also have a slice of toast mushed up on the sofa. Most of the books have been pulled off the bookshelf. Toys and pieces of random crap all over the floor. It's so hard trying to keep on top of everything. But when I go into other peoples houses, they are spotless! I just don't know how they do it.

madamecake Wed 26-Nov-14 11:09:39

I'm so relieved to read this thread! I have 2.11 dd and 18 month ds and I'm finding it very hard work, they will play together for 5 minutes then it turns into pushing, shoving and screaming.

Dd does one morning a week at pre-school and will start her 15 hours in the new year, I'm literally counting down the days. As others have said it's much easier when they are on their own.

No advice on housework, I just have a daily routine. E.g. washing goes on while they're eating breakfast, vacuum after morning snack etc. I also prepare most of our evening meal while Ds has his afternoon nap.

Givemecaffeine21 Wed 26-Nov-14 13:57:36

A better day in terms of DS, but DD...full on kicking, screaming tantrums, like I've not had from her before. I'm not hugely phased to be honest, I've got my tactics ready and favourite toys will be confiscated for every episode of bad behaviour (she hit me earlier and DS) and a time out. I feel much better with a plan. Yesterday was hell.

I do keep on top of housework but it's down to three things: Routine, a dishwasher, and dogs that eat any dropped food! Toys live upstairs and I keep the downstairs clean & tidy. One box of toys comes down a day, and then they tidy up, and we go upstairs. I do washing every day etc. Basically little and often, never leave a room empty handed etc. It is my sanity saver as if they had destroyed my house too, I'd be selling them on eBay grin. No big clean & tidy ups, just little & often. When I first had DD I tried to do my usual 'big cleans'...ended up with me feeling angry that I couldn't achieve it, and she was just a baby who needed me. Took a while but I realised the days of big 3 hour cleans were over!

halfdrunkcoffee Sun 30-Nov-14 20:02:33

Does anyone else find going to the park a nightmare? I feel like I have to run in two different directions, and although DS is able to do a lot of things by himself, he still wants me to help him.

GreenEyedMonster14 Tue 02-Dec-14 13:13:49

I think I need to start getting into a routine with the housework. It's really getting me down. The house is a tip all of the time. I just feel like there's constantly something that need to be done. I need to sort all the toys out too as we have so much that they don't even play with!

Oh yes the park. I avoid it as much as possible which is hard when I have to walk past it everyday! DD just wants to be pushed on the swings the whole time where as DS loves to throw himself off the top of the climbing frame/slide.

GreenEyedMonster14 Tue 02-Dec-14 13:25:49

Have you put your tree/decorations up? DS will not leave the tree alone!

MiaowTheCat Tue 02-Dec-14 14:50:50

I'm evil and have had to make a "no swings when only mummy is at the park with you" rule. Only way to make it at all workable with one who'd be on the swing demanding that non-stop and one dinky death-seeking-missile.

Our housework is out of control - I've taken to taking the kids to my mum's for a long weekend about once a month and leaving DH a list of a room to completely blitz and just being on a survival footing in between.

Mrwillywonkasbitch Tue 02-Dec-14 14:55:06

I've 2 year old twin girls they drive me fucking bonkers!!! That's my add to the post, better go. outside fag break over back inside to mayhem wish me luck

Givemecaffeine21 Tue 02-Dec-14 20:02:34

Mine are on a right whinge fest at the moment. DS wants to be held all the time. His number one word is 'cuggle' which was cute but now drives me mad. He literally wants to be on me all day. And DD follows suit because she thinks if it kinda works for him, it should work for her too. How much do you guys play with your two? I sort of think they should be each other's playmate....craft activities don't last long before everything is being thrown or eaten and when I read the crafty-mummy blogs that suggest doing finger painting or dying rice and pasta or whatever I think 'whaaaat?'.

My house would be destroyed if I tried to do more than play dough and they've got bugger all attention span. Is it just me who thinks kids before 3 are pretty much incapable of settling into a craft activity for more than 3 minutes?! I feel like a cruel person for saying this but I what give them paint or glitter until they can actually commit to a task other than emptying it everywhere. Fair? Yay or nay?

MiaowTheCat Tue 02-Dec-14 21:41:46

I find stickers are bearable and keep my eldest busy for hours - unfortunately her sister wants to join in/ruin her game and I can't stand the bickering so haven't had them out for a while. Takes a little bit of input teaching them how to fold the backing slightly so the sticker comes away and can be peeled off - but then minimal adult thought after that.

Painting with water on the pavement and walls outside is another good one when the weather's nice and I feel qualifies to tick the "mark making" box in the dutiful mum handbook.

DD1 seems to be slipping into the beginnings of being a threenager early and her behaviour's slipped a fair bit the last week or so - and it's that really infuriating button-pushing, boundary-testing deliberate stuff that's so frustrating... trying to cut some slack as they've both been ill and she's knackered coming up to the end of that first full term in preschool - but I think I'm going to have to really step in and remind her of some boundaries before the Christmas tinselitis really takes effect. Also thinking DD2 is getting to the point where she's going to start to encounter some boundaries rather than just accident-prevention soon.

And fuck the crafty mummy blogs - I could put a fairly good FB collection of posts together of us going to the park, collecting interesting leaves, getting the playdough out and making mini pizzas and the like if I selectively pruned my feed from all the days where we stayed in our pyjamas watching Frozen as we felt like shite with bad colds. It's all no more someone's real life than any of the ideal families in the telly adverts.

GreenEyedMonster14 Tue 02-Dec-14 22:33:26

You've made me feel so much better about my lack of enthusiasm for craft stuff. Well actually I wouldn't say lack of enthusiasm because if they actually sat there and did it, I wouldn't mind but you are so right that it's just pointless trying to do it with younger ones. It's so hard though as DD is really into craft stuff atm but it's just physically impossible to do it with DS around. The tantrums are arguments it causes confusedhmm

Watching frozen in our pjs is exactly what we did today. grin

I love the water painting suggestion though. That's such a good idea!

How are your DC for sleeping?

GreenEyedMonster14 Tue 02-Dec-14 22:37:29

Miaow, can I swap my DP for your DH?

I went away for a whole week about 2 months ago and the most DP had done was a quick tidy up of the living room and 1 load of washing.

halfdrunkcoffee Wed 03-Dec-14 10:49:23

I rarely do much crafty stuff either. I am completely devoid of artistic talent. DS has got more into it now he's a bit older, but DD tends to throw everything off the table.

Crafty stuff and painting at toddler group is good as I don't have to set it up or clear it away. But the parents usually end up doing it all!

Givemecaffeine21 Thu 04-Dec-14 09:35:32

You guys are making me feel SO much better! You're so right miaow - I can easily select a few photos myself and make us look like the perfect family always having fun and doing craft and being generally wonderful....reality is somewhat different!

Givemecaffeine21 Thu 04-Dec-14 09:36:23

(For example DS is happily watching cbeebies whilst bashing a plastic lid on the floor right now whilst I grab a coffee!)

GreenEyedMonster14 Thu 04-Dec-14 13:04:06

My alarm (DD) didn't wake up on time for nursery today so we've been stuck in all day. The fighting/screaming/arguing is driving me crazy! Don't get me started on the mess...

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