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How to handle being rejected

(3 Posts)
Misty9 Wed 19-Nov-14 20:40:23

Ds is 3.2 and has always been a daddy's boy from birth. Breastfeeding was traumatic initially and definitely affected my bonding with him and we've had periods over the years where ds has been pretty rejecting of me, for example when I first returned to work at 22 months.

I had dd 7 months ago and our bonding by comparison has been brilliant. Which has maybe highlighted to me how I feel differently about ds. I'm being referred to infant mental health possibly but wwondered if anyone had experienced similar or had any advice.

Ds is ccurrently ignoring a lot of what I say, asking daddy to hand him something over me for example, he asks that mummy go away or go to sleep or don't look at me sad
The thing is, I know he's only little, doesn't mean it etc but I find it so hard to take sad and often resort to my reaction to adult rejection which is to sort of shut down.

I have a lot of issues with my own mother and am slightly terrified of being like her...self fulfilling prophecies and all that.

NoMontagues Thu 20-Nov-14 01:17:38

He's testing your love, so try (I know it's hard sad ) to respond to every instance of him rejecting you with a reassurance to him that you love him. So if he turns away and says "no! I want daddy!" , you say something along the lines of "ok my love, let's get daddy, and I hope you and I can do this together next time though, because I love you so much".

Never let him see you bristle in response to his rejection, just be neutral as much as possible. Keep telling him you want to do things with him, even if he doesn't choose you that time; that you love him, point out his good behaviour and achievements to show you're noticing him, and then back it up with spending decent blocks of time on a one-on-one with him. Maybe do an afternoon a week where you and he go out together and your DH takes the baby?

SavoyCabbage Thu 20-Nov-14 01:34:08

Both my girls went through this. In fact, they would both crawl over me to get to him now aged 8&11.

He doesn't love you less if that's what you are worried about. He's just shoring up his relationship with his dad. I would jump on board if I were you!

Give your dh a cuddle on the sofa then say 'come and cuddle up with daddy, he's such a good cuddler'

"Yes, get daddy to read the gruffalo, he's really good at it isn't he!'

'At the weekend, shall we have the chicken soup daddy makes? It's delicious'

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