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Girls and self-esteem

(3 Posts)
despondentmummy Wed 19-Nov-14 19:52:18

I've just been through an extremely challenging time with my 3.5 year old, lots of hitting, kicking, shouting etc, all aimed at me and DH (she's had a lot of changes in a short amount of time and we think that's where that behaviour came from). Anyway, we seem to be through the worst of it and she seems much better now every time I'm slightly even just cross she hurries to say: 'Mommy are you angry/sad? I don't want you to be, can you be happy?' I've explained to her many, many times that we all get angry & sad, it doesn't mean we love each other any less, I love her more than anything no matter how angry I feel etc etc. But it doesn't seem to be getting through - she's also a bit obsessed now with being a 'good girl'...'Mommy have I been a good girl today?' I'm worried this is because we placed emphasis on being kind & nice during the worst of the recent hitting phase. I'm torn: it is important for her to learn to be kind, but I'm really concerned about her linking being nice and good with being accepted. Perhaps I'm over-thinking it but I don't want my girl to think being a good girl is the be all and end all. Is there another way I can encourage good behaviour without this association?

despondentmummy Thu 20-Nov-14 07:47:30


MrsGSR Thu 20-Nov-14 08:00:06

My DD is still a baby, but a book I read stressed the importance of saying "that's naughty"/"you've been naughty" rather then "you are naughty" etc. Could you explain to her that she's always a good girl, but sometimes she acts naughty (replace naughty with whatever word you use)?

Although I think, remembering kids I used to look after, that this all sounds fairly normal smile

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