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Im sick of being judged and belittled!

(32 Posts)
Megamoose795 Mon 17-Nov-14 01:09:52

I'm a young mum and my daughter is turning 3 in Jan. In a supermarket the other day my LO decided she would throw a tantrum as usual in the supermarket! One lady had the cheek too say too me "behaviour issues are common in children of young single parents, don't fret about it". I was so shocked i picked up my LO and carried her out the store kicking and screaming with out my shopping! I am young yes but that does not change my ability to care for my LO. She assumed i was single!! I am not i am happily living with LOs daddy. How can people be so darn rude!! Feeling down and useless due to that rude lady! sad

JeanetteDanielsBenziger Mon 17-Nov-14 01:21:26

Ignore her. All children have tantrums regardless if they were born to a mother of 18 or 48.

losthermind Mon 17-Nov-14 01:24:59

I was 17 when I had DD and had the same shite comments and snide looks every once in a while
Do not be arsed about what anyone thinks or says, your age does not hinder your ability yo be a good parent
My daughter is almost 12 so I now get "you started young didn't you" hmm
Yes I did and I'm proud as punch when I look at my children

batmanandrobin Mon 17-Nov-14 20:01:43

don't let people bring you down, all children play up every once in a while and as long as are confident and dc is out of danger, i don't know why people feel they have the right to look.

i work in a pre school and children with younger moms use my setting. their children are no different from those of older parents. and there is NO correlation between age of parent and behaviour difficulties!!

i get the single mom thing- before i was a mrs people would assume i was a single mom as didn't have a ring on my finger. WOW didn't it change my ability to parent... NOT!! be proud of who you are and your children xxx

imme Mon 17-Nov-14 22:09:00

People can be so rude and mean! Best to ignore. I wqs in the supermarket today with my four year old and an old grumpy woman told me that 'he needs a smack'. He was tired and hungry after school and was playing up a bit but certainly no major meltdown. Thanks but no thanks! My DH told me to grow a pair because I was feeling low afterwards. These people are not worth fretting about!

TheJourney22 Mon 17-Nov-14 22:13:27

I'm 37 & single. I bet you are better at dealing with being a mum than I am!!

Ignore the bitch. One thing I've learned through being a mother is every other bastard on this planet thinks they can judge you once your a mother.

Stay strong. Silly, silly woman .... Your LO prob didn't like her!! I can still be partial to a tantrum myself!

I am sure without doubt you are a fine parent 18 or 48 ... no difference gringrin

psychomum5 Mon 17-Nov-14 22:21:49

Next time just respond with 'Judgmental attitudes are common in the elderly so I heard, I wouldn;t worry about it'


Oh, and please don;t take it to heart. ALL children have tantrums when things get too much. If I was allowed to I would have a tantrum in certain shops....they really are quite overwhelming. Just try to take a deep breath and carry back on as normal. (hard I know in the thick of it when being stared at). ALL parents experience it at one time or other.....but it is like childbirth, we forget how intense it is once they grow. xx

5OBalesofHay Mon 17-Nov-14 22:31:37

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

5OBalesofHay Mon 17-Nov-14 22:34:54

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Gileswithachainsaw Mon 17-Nov-14 22:41:07

Ha ha ha ha find me a toddler that doesn't tantrum. The grab and run is a right of passage grin

I'd have just thought "thank god it's not mine" and smiled at you.

Ignore her. Seriously. Not worth the energy

psychomum5 Mon 17-Nov-14 22:45:10

Oh for fucks sake, I was meaning it is a sarcastic manner to come taking offence just sums up MN in general!

psychomum5 Mon 17-Nov-14 22:46:36

My comment was in response to how the OP said the comment was made....

YOU have taken it totally out of context, and judged me for being something I am far from not.

HolgerDanske Mon 17-Nov-14 22:48:50

Uhm yeah I think it was pretty clear that the suggested comeback comment was tailored to that scenario and not meant as a general opinion on older people...

psychomum5 Mon 17-Nov-14 22:51:56

Of course it was meant as a snppy comeback.

Please bear in mind I am now classed as one of the older lot <sad to say>

Catsarebastards Mon 17-Nov-14 22:52:53

I used to get this OP.

My favourite response was "you know i only had him for the benefits but i dont think it was worth it" you could also throw in a "come on chardonnay- be good and i'll get you two fruit shoots with your maccy ds" just to see how good her cats bum face is. grin

Basically OP- laugh at these idiots. Make jokes at their expense. Really no benefit to getting annoyed by them, might as well have a bit of fun with them.

thornrose Mon 17-Nov-14 22:54:41

Bloody hell, psycho's comment was taken totally out of context there!

Young, single mum is being judged as a bad parent by an older woman using lazy stereotypes. Use a similar stereotype in this scenario to show how unreasonable it is.

psychomum5 Mon 17-Nov-14 22:56:05

If anyone HAS taken offence and thinks that I really do THINK that about older women, then truly, I am sorry.

BUT, this is MN, it is bloody hard to convey sarcasm (altho I tried with the happy winky face), and sometimes people who are feeling a wee biy low about a situation need a snappy comeback to give themselves the ability to hold their head back up and just get back on with the job we all have, being a good person and a 'as best as can be' parent.

But of course, I could go all judgy myself and lump you all in the MN lot that take offence and jump down peoples throats for a comment on MN which is just is not a summing up of me as a person.

psychomum5 Mon 17-Nov-14 22:58:36

Thankyou thornrose for the voice of reason there :-) (and holger)

5OBalesofHay Mon 17-Nov-14 22:58:50

So the correct response to being called on rude discriminatuiey stuff is 'is if for fucka sake.'?

psychomum5 Mon 17-Nov-14 23:03:48

erm.....yeah, pretty much when you are wrong and I wasn;t being rude.

LadySybilLikesCake Mon 17-Nov-14 23:38:27

50Bales. Do you have PMT or something because you've totally misread psychomum's post confused

Catsarebastards Mon 17-Nov-14 23:54:36

Ladysybil psychomum's post was a sarcastic response and not what she genuinely thinks but your post just now is offensive.

LadySybilLikesCake Mon 17-Nov-14 23:58:12

Umm confused

psychomum5 Tue 18-Nov-14 00:04:59

Oh gawd.....someone gets my sarcasm, and then someone else gets my sarcasm but think the other person is being offensive too.

<digs a hole to bury self and hide>

MrsCakesPrecognition Tue 18-Nov-14 00:07:43

I talk to a lot of mums with young children. Judgmental comments while shopping are a common experience, regardless of the age, martial status, appearance or experience of the mother.

It seems that some people just look for excuses to give other people a bit of a kicking. It even happens on MN sometimes wink.

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