Getting the cold shoulder from my 2.5 year old. Anyone else?

[notmuchofaclue]

My dd used to be totally attached to me (and only me) when she was little. Then she went through a time when she was obsessed with her grandma - to the point that if she fell and hurt herself, she'd go running to her first. I found this really difficult to deal with, selfish I know, but we see a lot of her grandma (is her childminder midweek) so it was quite full on. The obsession died down a bit but grandma is still no. 1 choice. My poor DH has always been bottom of the pile, bless him. Then in the last few months, suddenly I have been dropped to bottom of the pile, and DD always wants DH instead of me (unless grandma is around of course!). I do find it upsetting and worry that we don't have the same bond anymore. I try to spend more time with her bit it doesn't seem to help. Has anyone else had this with their DCs? Any advice or reassurance that this isn't just how it will be?!

[Mehitabel6]

It is all meaningless! Don't take it to heart. Your body language will tell you it bothers her and she will do it more! She is playing one off against the other.
Love for one doesn't take it away from another.

[Mehitabel6]

Probably the next stage is to say 'I don't love you any more, mummy' or 'I love Daddy more'-all meaningless and a phase.

[kaffkooks]

We have my mum staying with us at the moment as she is moving house. I am definitely bottom of the pile in terms of preference for my 2 year old. It's because they know we will always be there whereas Daddy or Grandparents are a novelty. It is really difficult not to take it to heart but try not to let your child see that it bothers you and appreciate the few times when they do want you.

[NoMontagues]

She's just testing the boundaries of your love and seeing if it's unconditional. If she does start on the "go away mummy I hate you" or "I only love daddy and not you mummy" then you just say "oh do you..? Ok well, I love you very very much and I always will no matter what" or similar.

She'll pass thought this really quickly don't worry.

[Mehitabel6]

I stuck to 'well, I have enough love for two' and changed the subject. She is testing the boundaries- it is what children do. On the plus side she feels secure enough to take you for granted.

[notmuchofaclue]

Thanks everyone for the reassurance and advice - I will put my poker face on and start doing that! I feel ridiculous for taking it to heart, I'm meant to be the adult in this situation, but the little monkeys really know how to tug at the old heart strings. I'll brace myself for 'I don't love you' - am already getting 'no, not mummy, I want daddy!' but she's not pulled that one on me yet. Aargh!

[Mehitabel6]

Perhaps a book on child development would be a good option- she was totally attached to you, but when babies they don't understand they are separate entities- that is why the word ' No' becomes so appealing when they discover they can make choices!