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Im so fed up of my life...(50 Posts)
This is my first time posting and have just joined MN to do this post.
Basically, Ive had such a hard 3 years and its all just getting too much. I can't cope. I really can't cope anymore.I don't know who to talk to. I have noone. i can't talk to family or friends. God, my eyes are welling up just typing this. i have noone who I can talk to and even if I did there is nothing they could do to help me anyway. i mean Im just telling a stupid computer screen my problems. Thats how crap my life is.
i have 2DCs. One is 3 and the other 2. I had both within 12 months so you can just imagine how hard it was. To make things worse my eldest was a complete and utter nightmare. He just cried or whinged non stop. Believe you me that isn't an exaggeration. He was a miserable baby and I was an even more miserable mum who was expecting baby no.2. I was at my wits end with him. Nothing, nowhere or none could stop his incessant crying. Then came along baby no.2 and oh my god! Did that turn things even more harder. I was literally on my feet all day doing feed after feed and nappy after nappy and all with two crying babies. i was under ALOT of mental stress and was physically and mentally exhausted. Well I don't want to ramble on to much(i think i have!) Basically, fast forward 3 years later and its still the same. Still crying over every little thing, fighting- more crying all day long. No break. no me time, just 24/7 kids slave. From the moment I wake up i deal with the kids till I go to sleep. Im exhausted mentally and my health has been affected and i just can't go on anymore.
Many apologies for it being so long and waffley. You know- I think it has helped a little just typing this up.
Do you have a partner? I'm so sorry you're feeling like this
I'm not a health professional but could you be suffering from post natel depression? I would suggest contacting your GP as soon as possible and talking through your concerns. They may be able to put you in contact with someone who can talk to you who has had proper training. Good luck
Assuming you are in the UK ...do you intend to use your free childcare entitlement for the 3yo?
You sound exhausted - have you seen your GP even to get your iron levels checked, etc? Even if you aren't ready to talk about depression (yet) - have you thought about that?
Talk to us. Why do you feel you can't talk to someone in real life?
Really sorry to hear you are feeling like this
It does get better, how long before the eldest can start pre school ?, at least you only have one during the day then
Trust me a lot of folk with Dc that age find it very, very tough. The age 18-36 months can be a total nightmare especially when you have two to deal with.
Is there a father on the scene? Nursery space? Have you thought about retraining and getting free childcare at college?
Things will get better - soon! 2/3 is still hard but 4 is lovely and 5 is a joy. Hang in there like you have done.
But, you need more support and you need to speak to someone in RL. Go to your GP. Also, find a pro-active, non-judge friend who will help you be a bit bossy about making you do You Things.
It is shit sometimes!
Are you at SAHP?
Free pre-school place for your eldest and you might be entitled to a free place for your younger one too, depending on income.
If money is not an issue, I would give serious though to placing them in childcare for a couple of mornings a week.
You sound very isolated, what is this?
it gets better!
What support do you have if any? Are there any adults in RL who might be able to give you a break occasionally? It's great that you can come on here but I'm sure your family and friends would really want to help if they knew how stressed you are.
It might help to know what you do each day. Are you a SAHM or working? Do your DC go to nursery? Are you on your own? Sorry for all the questions but it might help posters to give advice.
Sympathies op. I remember that Whiney stage. - seems endless doesn't it?
My first thought was also whether you have a partner?
What activities do any of you do?
I also thought of PND. It's shit but it really doesn't go on forever x
Can you make use of the 15 hours free childcare or is the oldest not old enough yet for it.
You are over the worst
I used to do one activity a day that got us out and about
a trip to the library
scoot round a NT place
visit a friends house for a play
I would avoid like the plague.....
going to the supermarket with 2 little ones, hell!
cafe or restaurant
even now and my kids are older those 2 venues make me twitchy!
I had two DC 16 months apart and my eldest did not sleep more than 4 hours a night until she was three, so although I have no practical advice, I do empathise and honestly, as much as a cliche as it sounds, it does get easier. Mine are 6 and 7 now and life is so different from when they were small.
Thank you so much for all your replies. I dont even know why but I'm crying reading through everyone's post.
I am married. My husband was very horrible to me when my eldest was born. I had major surgery too and he basically didn't help me much. When my second was born it was just the same. I'd had enough and told him at 3m that I wanted to leave. He really didn't want me to and said he'd change and help me more which he has done but I feel its too little too late.
My eldest goes nursery 3 days a week which does help but I dread when he comes home as he is so hard work. And I still have the other DC at home and he's becoming more tantrummy too.
Thank you. It gives me hope from what you and others have said. There is light at the end of the tunnel. But the thought of slogging it out for another 2 to 3 years does make me feel overwhelmed.
nilbyname I do regularly go to the museum, playgroups, play centres..its weekends and school hold I really struggle with
what does your weekend consist of?
sounds like there is a whole load of stuff going on, and an unsupportive DH can't help!
Weekends are big breakfast and DH gets the kids ready and then we're stuck on places to go/ things to do. We end up just staying at home or going shopping and the kids get really bored. We've been to lots of places around neighbouring towns/ cities but we're beginning to run out of ideas tbh.
As a family we tend to-
potter in the house, then out to the allotment/garden to do jobs
maybe do a big shop at one of the supermarkets
Go to the woods! Pack a picnic and drive to the beach. You sound like you could do with the walk.
I know it isn't that easy to get out, but it isn't that hard either with a bit of planning. Shopping is hell, don't do that, it will drain your soul.
Do you have mates with kids the same age?
Is there any chance of you working part-time and having them both in nursery or using a childminder? I have a 5-year age gap with mine and still I would have really struggled if I didn't have my work – small children all day, every day is beyond exhausting. Work might also give you a boost in other ways too.
I second going to the GP in case you do have PND as it can be treated.
At weekends we often take ours for a walk/playground/out on scooters and just let them run around, tires them out, and exercise is also good for stress. Also how about your DH having them for a morning or day at the weekend while you go for a coffee/shopping/haircut in peace? You need that.
We all tell MN our problems sometimes and it can be so helpful! - don't feel that says anything bad about you. Asking for advice is a really good idea and I hope you can feel supported here.
You will get through it and it will get easier. Hold on to that when it is bad. Work might be good if you can find something for a couple of days a week, even if it (madly) only funds the nursery/ care costs. I honestly could not have been at home with mine all day every day when they were small, but the contrast worked well and I was a much happier mum for the rest of the time (sandwich in peace for 20 mins lunch plus unaccompanied toilet trips -bliss!)
This is like reading me with my dc1 I hated every minute of him / me being awake and he was such an easy ride compared to dd now. I refused anti depressants I thought I was being stronger not taking them and ruining the first 2 years of his life. My parents were great taking him when I couldn't cope etc. I went back to a job I hated to get away I finally snapped out of it when he was 2 and I now have 2 dc I don't do babies well I cope better with 3 year olds and as soon as I ft same symptoms this time I wnt to the doctors and got citalopram my new best friend! And I now know what a mum is supposed to be not a functioning automatic robot going through the motions but a loving caring fun up as 'll hours mum. My parents let me go away for a day or overnight if it all gets to much set goals or treats for yourself even if it's half hour of your fave tv prog
OP have you considered doing paid work / work outside the home and putting them both into nursery full time? how would you feel about that?
Or - can you afford for DC2 to go to nursery at the same time as DC1. So that you have neither of them for decent periods.
I don't think you have to go sight seeing. More just going for a walk in the rain to splash in puddles or pick autumn leaves up.
I think you could do with reading up about parenting and strategies and personality types. Can you trudge through amazon and see what's about and reading reviews.
Lastly your kids are partly grumpy because you are. Youre needs are not being met. So get some respite. Have them both in childcare at the same time or just get the smallest one in care the half days. Have a couple of hours to yourself at the weekend too - go out if you need to.
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