I just don't know what to do anymore, ds is 8 and is dc3 out of 5. Over the last two years his behaviour at home has deteriorated to the point where he is violent to the other dc, trashes the house in temper and now swears at me. Dc1 is autistic so he has definitely seen behaviour that is far from ideal but now we're at the point that his behaviour is worse then ds1. If you saw ds at home with me you would think he had ADHD or something similar however this behaviour only happens when he's with me and dh. He's an absolute angel when he is with everybody else. At school he is regarded as one of the most well behaved, he's never been in trouble at school although has struggled to make friends he appears quite socially immature. When it's just me and him he's brilliant, kind, funny an absolute joy to be around. Tonight for example, from the moment he has come home from school he has argued and fought with his sister and then I made the mistake of putting sweetcorn on his pizza and he completely lost the plot. He threw the dining chairs on the floor, I took him to his room and he told me to fuck off and then trashed his bedroom. He was completely out of control banging doors and throwing things. He's now calmed down and is acting like nothing has happened. I on the other hand am at breaking point, I physically had to walk away from him and any be near him at the moment a I'm so angry with him and if I'm honest his behaviour is ruining our family life. Obviously with ds being autistic, this has crossed my mind but he certainly doesn't for the profile like his brother did. My dm is convinced most of it is attention seeking but I just don't know what to do and who to talk too about it.
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This sounds very much like my Ds apart from the swearing but I'm sure he would if he knew the words. It's bloody hard work being in a constant battle. I posted about the same issue earlier saying I dread picking him up from school and have no enjoyment being with him at all unfortunately he's no better when it's just me and him, but wonderful for everyone else
I haven't got any suggestions but will be watching this thread for any suggestions. You have my sympathy it's not easy. 
Hammer, I try to ignore it after I've sent him to his room for his foul language or defiant behaviour or just downright rudeness.
He is really keen to engage me in an argument though. I often fail and get stuck in. I look back and think what a knob I am to have allowed myself to engage.
I do get angry. Why the eff is he like this? It's such hard work for him. If he were pleasant and agreeable, he would actually get so much more happiness out of life. It's not like we ask that much of him.
I told him last night it was time to go to sleep at 8.30. He went mental. Started thumping on his bed shouting, "There's someone at the door!"
I went in after ten minutes of this and told him to pipe down. He flatly and coldly denied he'd been doing anything.
It's utterly bizarre.
He ticks all the boxes for Oppositional Defiance Disorder.
Am awaiting a CAMHs referral now. Will take weeks if not months if not years.
He went away with school for a week last year. It was bliss. Family life was just so easy, relaxed and fun.
My other dcs do strop and get angry but nothing like my ds1.
Then I worry terribly I'm just scape goating him. But then I know I'm not because his behaviour at home is just horrendous.
He loathes his sister and is always running down ds2 who is 5. He even accuses ds3 who is 2 of stealing his stuff. He is paranoid too. Thinks people will steal his toys or books.
What to do? We obviously can't get through to them. Serious help required.
I wonder if he will grow up to hate women because I am always on at him.
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