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At breaking point with ds

(12 Posts)
Cherrypippin Mon 10-Nov-14 17:25:10

I just don't know what to do anymore, ds is 8 and is dc3 out of 5. Over the last two years his behaviour at home has deteriorated to the point where he is violent to the other dc, trashes the house in temper and now swears at me. Dc1 is autistic so he has definitely seen behaviour that is far from ideal but now we're at the point that his behaviour is worse then ds1. If you saw ds at home with me you would think he had ADHD or something similar however this behaviour only happens when he's with me and dh. He's an absolute angel when he is with everybody else. At school he is regarded as one of the most well behaved, he's never been in trouble at school although has struggled to make friends he appears quite socially immature. When it's just me and him he's brilliant, kind, funny an absolute joy to be around. Tonight for example, from the moment he has come home from school he has argued and fought with his sister and then I made the mistake of putting sweetcorn on his pizza and he completely lost the plot. He threw the dining chairs on the floor, I took him to his room and he told me to fuck off and then trashed his bedroom. He was completely out of control banging doors and throwing things. He's now calmed down and is acting like nothing has happened. I on the other hand am at breaking point, I physically had to walk away from him and any be near him at the moment a I'm so angry with him and if I'm honest his behaviour is ruining our family life. Obviously with ds being autistic, this has crossed my mind but he certainly doesn't for the profile like his brother did. My dm is convinced most of it is attention seeking but I just don't know what to do and who to talk too about it.

Cherrypippin Mon 10-Nov-14 17:27:56

Should have said food seems to be a really big issue and he is incredibly fussy. Last week we had a meltdown over mashed potato!

HammerToFall Mon 10-Nov-14 17:40:21

This sounds very much like my Ds apart from the swearing but I'm sure he would if he knew the words. It's bloody hard work being in a constant battle. I posted about the same issue earlier saying I dread picking him up from school and have no enjoyment being with him at all unfortunately he's no better when it's just me and him, but wonderful for everyone else

I haven't got any suggestions but will be watching this thread for any suggestions. You have my sympathy it's not easy. hmm

Icedfinger Mon 10-Nov-14 18:35:28

This must be so hard for you. I haven't experienced anything like this as a parent but I have as a teacher. It sounds like you and your DS need some support.

I would contact either the school or your GP or both. Ask off a CAMHs referral, they deal in childhood mental health, this sounds scary but it'll help to get to the base of the problem.

As he's the sibling of a child with AS he may be able to attend young carers locally. His attention seeking May stem from how he sees your elder DC behaving.

Mealtimes are triggers for lots of children as they can control food when everything else they can't control.

Hope this helps. Unmn hugs!

winkywinkola Mon 10-Nov-14 20:03:27

Oh my goodness. Your situation is like mine.

We really need help. I seriously think Ds1 (8) is mentally ill. He is deranged a lot of the time at home with his family.

Not one weekend goes by without him going bonkers at least five times. Trashes his room or the boot room if we tell him to do stuff he doesn't want to.

Calls us names and point blank denies it seconds later. Works himself up into a frenzy over nothing. Snapping pencils, breaking toys and later just calmly saying he'd lost his temper so what?

It is as if the truth or reality is irrelevant to him.

It's everyone else's fault. We wind him up. He's thumping around upstairs now because I said it was time to go to sleep.

The strain is tremendous. I've tried to get him referred to CAMHS but it's taking forever. Where can I turn? Who can help us? I can't take the strain.

His last words tonight were, "I fucking hate you."

He's 8! An angel at school. Absolutely vile all the time at home.

I feel it won't be long until he becomes violent towards us.

Icedfinger Mon 10-Nov-14 20:15:39

As well as asking for a CAMHS referral you can also ask for a CAF. This is a multiagency meeting to help support the family. Again speak to the school or your GP.

More information here:

http://www.safeguardingchildren.co.uk/section-5-procedures.html

HammerToFall Tue 11-Nov-14 14:37:49

Winkywinkola this could have been written by me!! My Ds sounds exactly the same as yours. It's depressing isn't it?

How do you deal with it, do you ignore him or tell him off, when he's plainly lying do you call his bluff or point out he's lying?

It would be interesting to hear other peoples tactics on coping with this behaviour.

steppemum Tue 11-Nov-14 14:51:05

Op - one part of your post really reminded me of my friend. She has 2 boys and autism runs in the family. She says that at home her boys exhibit a lot of autistic behaviours. The younger one in particular. When she tells you about his behaviour at home, it is like she is describing another child. At school he is completely and utterly different.

When she describes his behaviour to school, they don't believe her.

winkywinkola Tue 11-Nov-14 15:46:45

Hammer, I try to ignore it after I've sent him to his room for his foul language or defiant behaviour or just downright rudeness.

He is really keen to engage me in an argument though. I often fail and get stuck in. I look back and think what a knob I am to have allowed myself to engage.

I do get angry. Why the eff is he like this? It's such hard work for him. If he were pleasant and agreeable, he would actually get so much more happiness out of life. It's not like we ask that much of him.

I told him last night it was time to go to sleep at 8.30. He went mental. Started thumping on his bed shouting, "There's someone at the door!"

I went in after ten minutes of this and told him to pipe down. He flatly and coldly denied he'd been doing anything.

It's utterly bizarre.

He ticks all the boxes for Oppositional Defiance Disorder.

Am awaiting a CAMHs referral now. Will take weeks if not months if not years.

He went away with school for a week last year. It was bliss. hmm Family life was just so easy, relaxed and fun.

My other dcs do strop and get angry but nothing like my ds1.

Then I worry terribly I'm just scape goating him. But then I know I'm not because his behaviour at home is just horrendous.

He loathes his sister and is always running down ds2 who is 5. He even accuses ds3 who is 2 of stealing his stuff. He is paranoid too. Thinks people will steal his toys or books.

What to do? We obviously can't get through to them. Serious help required.

I wonder if he will grow up to hate women because I am always on at him.

winkywinkola Tue 11-Nov-14 15:47:44

Ds1 doesn't care if he's caught lying. He will deny deny deny very calmly. Even if I've filmed him. He will say the camera is wrong! It's ludicrous.

HammerToFall Tue 11-Nov-14 17:47:32

Windy - ive sent you a pm

Cherrypippin Wed 12-Nov-14 10:20:34

Thanks for all the replies. I think I know we need to get some outside help, just so hard to make that decision again.

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