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(7 Posts)
Evsy80 Mon 10-Nov-14 13:02:08

Hi, could really do with some opinions, I'm getting really worried as my 4 month old daughter really doesn't seem to like me. She's all smiles, gurgles and giggles with her father and even with the health visitor. She does smile at me sometimes but more often tan not just looks through me as if she's completely indifferent to me. She very rarely wants to be cuddled and I spend a lot of the day talking, singing, smiling to her with the odd smile off her but as soon as her father walks through the door she gets all wriggly and full of smiles. I'm starting to feel very rejected which I know is daft as she's so little surely she can't have decided she hates me already!?!

LadyintheRadiator Mon 10-Nov-14 13:33:13

Of course she likes you, she adores you, you are her world and she has no idea that you are even a separate person to her yet.

Have you mentioned how you feel to your health visitor? I felt just like you at this stage but I was too ashamed to tell anyone, because I thought they'd agree that DD didn't like me sad I feel so sad to remember that. It wasn't true, she adored me then and does now, I was just a bit depressed and couldn't see it for what it was. So please tell someone, be kind to yourself x

Inboxer Mon 10-Nov-14 13:33:14

It's hard with babies isn't it - you invest so much into them and you rarely get much back at all!!! Rest assured your 4 months your child is not sophisticated enough to like or dislike people. However she will be sensitive to the familiar and the unfamiliar. She sounds relaxed and comfortable around you - the reason she perks up when daddy comes home is because it's a new voice and a new energy in the room. Trust me the older she gets the more you will get from her. My daughter wasn't a cuddly baby at all but then the first time she was poorly, she wouldn't go to anyone but me!! Now at 2 she's independent still but I do get more cuddles. Your daughter is bonding with you more than you realise so try not to worry - you will get much more back from her as she gets bigger just carry on doing what you're doing and enjoy your baby and it'll all be fine!

Littlef00t Mon 10-Nov-14 20:52:19

I suspect it's because you're part of the furniture to her. She's looking past you because she's spotted something that's taken her interest, the light through the window or a new object in the room.

When dad gets home it's new stimulation so she's excited. It's not personal. I'm sure you can comfort her when she's upset etc, please don't take it personally.

Lovelydiscusfish Mon 10-Nov-14 21:00:10

My dd used to hardly ever smile at me as a young baby, much more at other people. I remember worrying and reading about it on the internet -it's quite common - the theory is they take longer to recognise their mother as a separate being to themselves. Anyway, as she got older she became very loving towards me, and still is now.

My mom also helped by asking how often I smiled at dd, and in honesty it was not that often, as usually I was looking at her with some sort of concerned frown, wondering was she warm enough, had she eaten enough, dud she have a temp etc etc etc (she is my only child, and I'm a natural worrier!) It did help somewhat when I made a concerted effort to smile more at her. Not saying this is the case for you, just thought I'd mention it just in case!

LesleyKnopeFan Mon 10-Nov-14 21:30:59

OP, she sounds just like my 2nd. You don't need to see any physical or outwards signs of love at this stage, believe me, she adores you and you are her world, no actually, you are her universe.

My 2nd was a funny little baby, never really smiled at me, just stared a lot! Because I was a second-timer and was more confident, I didn't notice this until I looked back. She is my shadow now and has been since she could communicate. She, literally, puts me on a pedestal (bless her, I dread to think what a disappointment it will be for her when she realises I'm not superhuman).

Might you have have some underlying insecurities? I remember before I had my eldest, I felt a little 'unworthy'. I watched my sisters, cousins, friends etc have children and saw how brilliant they were at parenting and how much these children loved them.

I didn't think I could be as good a parent and I worried that my kids wouldn't love me as much as my family's/friends kids loved them. To my surprise, I found that I could be just as good a parent and all mine are totally clingy to me and think I'm the best thing since sliced bread.

This adoration would normally be hard for me to feel is deserved but I put my everything into being their mum, I sometimes get it wrong but I try my hardest and they know how much I adore them. I love being a parent, it has highs and lows, no matter what age they are but your kids will ALWAYS love you.

Do remember that the baby stage, although it feels quite long, passes by quickly and I think you'll forget that you once felt this way as your baby grows.

Try not to worry too much, or look for the signs, they WILL come and when they do, even though you'll have heard 'Mummy, I love you' for the millionth time, you'll still feel blessed.

It's the 'muuuuuum, I can't find my shoes, or the 'MUUUUUUMMMMMM where are you?' (said at the top of their voice, whilst you are trying to have a wee in peace) and 'muuuumm, this food that you have spent 3 hours cooking is yucky' that gets a little wearing. smilethanks

smileybadger Thu 27-Nov-14 20:12:21

if it makes u feel better my 23month old woke me up at 10 to4this morning to tell me she loves donkeysgrin

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