Controlled crying

[Esther80]

Hi there, so I'm starting out on the controlled crying and keen for some advice and some reassurance. I'm currently only using it for nap times as she sleeps well at night. I've been trying since 11am and it's now gone 12 and she is still crying. I've been going in to the room every 10mins and not picking her up just saying Shhhh and putting my hand on her tummy. She's screaming blue murder and I'm finding it very hard. How long do you keep trying for as I feel ready to give up. Thank you.

[IAmAPaleontologist]

If she sleeps well at night what is it you need to fix?

How old?

[runningonwillpower]

How old is your baby?

Maybe she's growing out of naps at this stage and just wasn't ready for the nap. I kind of let the baby determine when and if she needed a nap.

[bananapickle84]

Depending on the age of your DD an hour of constant crying is quite a long time.
Does she normally sleep around 11? Did you try to put her down before she was really tired?
Also if this is the first time you have done controlled crying it may be worth starting with smaller intervals so that she doesn't get too wound up between visits.
How did she nap before?
Sorry for all the questions, just want to help :-)

[BertieBotts]

Sorry but that blog post is horrible :(

[gamerchick]

I wouldn't use cc for naps. You can't force them to nap during the day if they don't want to.

How old is your bairn?

Man I haven't seen anybody plug a blog for ages

[ohdearitshappeningtome]

I wouldn't use cc at all! It is not necessary

But each to their own!

[MrsFreddieThreepwood]

Sorry, but I wouldn't use cc either, if baby's sleeping well at night that's great

[Hakluyt]

If she's sleeping well at night don't do this- you might well screw up the nights as well. Sounds like she's not tired to me.

[Justgotosleepnow]

Blimey that blog post is awful. Ignore your instincts. Yeah like that's good advice. Not. What if your child is ill? How are you going to know if you are not looking at them and basically ignoring them. Poor babies who get treated like that.

Babies can cry because they need comforted. I don't see why that's not allowed.

[DaddyDaddyC001]

Horrible? Why?

[bluehearted]

I'm another one that thinks that blog is horrible. the thought of not talking to my 10 week old ds in the night is upsetting and my almost 2 year old doesn't seem to think it's suddenly awake time because I say goodnight to him.

Op, please don't read that blog and take it on board!

When I did controlled crying I only left my toddler ds for 2 mins at first and kept going on, putting his dummy in or lying him back down. Then I would extend it to 3 mins and so on. Perhaps try shorter intervals rather than 10 minutes?

[nottheOP]

Controlled crying is a useful tool to teach babies to fall asleep on their own and get rid of any negative sleep associations such as rocking or feeding to sleep. Can she self soothe?

If she is tricky to settle for naps I'd make sure that she is tired but not overtired. This is hard to spot in some children but her age should give a clue.

A sleep routine is also helpful for naps. We do into bedroom and curtains drawn, nappy change and on bottoms on for comfort. Books - the same ones and then cuddle and bed with the same blanket and cuddly toys.

[EhricLovesTheBhrothers]

You are advocating withdrawing all affection and comfort during night hours which is massively confusing and hurtful for children. I'm sorry but your advice is terrible. It may lead to sleeping children but then so does cry it out and that's also a harmful method.

[bluehearted]

I'm sorry but the more I read that blog the more angry I get... apparently children don't need love between 10pm and 6am.

[DaddyDaddyC001]

Sorry for the blog plug - I guess that's not how Mumsnet works. I was just hoping to give a bit more explanation without clogging up the thread.

Like I said, you might not like it. So take it or leave it.

If you're at your wits end, and are looking for advice to help you and your child sleep, then consider it. It worked for me. I don't see anyone arguing with the logic either.

[bluehearted]

The logic? What logic? That ignoring your children and not showing them love at night will help them to sleep? It's cruel.
You also state that if the child is poorly, administer medication but continue to not speak to them!!!

I agree controlled crying isn't for everyone but it's not as cruel and cold as what you're suggesting!

[WienerDiva]

Hi OP, maybe don't panic so much about cc for nap times if you're happy with her sleep at night time. You don't say how old she is, that may be an important factor?

I'm afraid I'm another one who doesn't like the tone of the blog vet much. To "resist the temptation of being a loving parent" makes me feel very uncomfortable. And even the worst sleepers as babies and toddlers will NOT be getting the parents a few time in the night for 10 years.

I didn't do cc with my dd but I know plenty who did and I don't have anything against if done properly, I just couldn't hack the crying If I'm honest. We co slept with our dd until a month before her 2nd birthday, she went straight into a bed then and has slept beautifully since.

No matter what anyone says, they do eventually sleep all the way through!!!

[Booboostoo]

This blog is a good example of how to make up a 'theory' with no scientific backing whatsoever, give it a proper sounding name to ensure it sounds like an actual ability and then give some spurious advice on his to achieve it.

OP maybe cut put one of the naps.

[Justgotosleepnow]

The logic? What logic? Abandoning your baby because it's not convenient for you to comfort them?
It's NORMAL for babies to feed to sleep. It's NORMAL for babies to not sleep for 8 hours.
What you are advocating is neglect.

Op please look at the Isis sleep website. It is all evidence based done by Durham university. Not a random from the internet telling you to ignore your instincts.

[Justgotosleepnow]

www.isisonline.org.uk

[Allstoppedup]

Horrified at that blog post. Each to their own regarding CC.

But 'huffing'/ acting annoyed towards a toddler and no sympathy or 'coddling' you suspectedly ill child because night is 'business time' is awful.

[LegoCaltrops]

If your child is clearly ill, then you can take necessary steps to diagnose the problem, give medicine or, if serious, take further action. But you absolutely must not be sympathetic, coddling, re-assuring, cuddle, etc... Between 10pm and 6am it has to be all business! A matter-of-fact, un-emotional, less-is-more communication style.

Why is this so important? Why is it so wrong to show the child how much you love them? May be just a little cuddle?

NO! NO! NO!

Toddlers don't get up in the night because they're scared, because they're cold, because they're poorly. They get up because they like being with you. And if they are feeling scared, cold or poorly, this just amplifies the feeling.

Wow there is so much wrong with that blog that DaddyDaddyCool linked to, but the above bit particularly jumped out at me. So, kids don't actually get scared or cold or poorly, right? They are just manipulative & attention seeking? Big shocker - at the baby & toddler stage it's normal to want attention, that's how children learn their value & learn to be confident. We always comforted our DD in the night, she's a great sleeper, she didn't even wake for the fireworks.

[stripedtortoise]

That blog is horrible. Posters aren't annoyed because you shared it, it's because the content is vile.
And by the way, I am generally at my wits end with my shit sleeper (!) but that's children for you. They still need love at night.

[EhricLovesTheBhrothers]

Daddynotcoolatall your 'logic' is that is you withhold affection and attention from babies they will give up seeking it and leave you alone. I'm sure that's effective if that's your goal but teaching babies not to expect comfort and reassurance from their parents is not a wise goal.