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Starting to question our decision

(4 Posts)
ginandcake Wed 05-Nov-14 15:36:11

I am mum to two beautiful DDs who are just turned 2 and 11 weeks. Both planned and both loved but I am struggling so much with DD2 that I am starting to question our decision to have her. We were in such a good routine with DD1 and I felt so in control. Now I feel completely the opposite. DD2 is really difficult. She just cries all the time and nothing seems to settle her. Feeding won't help. Going in the car she cries. Going in the buggy she cries. The only place she ever seems to settle is the sling but I can't do this all the time.

I feel it is starting to effect DD1 as I cannot give her all the attention she needs. She adores her little sister but I seem to be spending all my time trying to get DD2 to stop crying that I cannot do the things I want to be doing with her. We go out every morning to entertain DD1 which helps but trying to get out of the house is a nightmare and the afternoons are awful.

Nights are also not getting any better. She takes hours to settle in to bed and when she wakes for feeds it takes up to two hours to get her to go back to sleep in the cot. We have started bringing her in to bed with us, something I really didn't want to be doing. I am also breast feeding and doing all the nights myself. Don't think the sleep deprivation is helping with the days!

DD1 goes to MIL/FIL half day a week and nursery for another day which she loves (probably because she gets some attention!) and this does help.

I know that it will get better and when DD2 is happy she is such a delight that I know I wouldn't want to change anything but I have no idea how I'm going to get through the next few months. I thought things would be getting better by now. DH has a career dependent exam in 4 weeks so he has other things on his mind and I don't want to burden him with anything more. I know once this is done and passed he will be much more helpful.

Sorry for the rambling post, wanted to vent and also plead for someone to assure me that it will get better!

isitsnowingyet Wed 05-Nov-14 15:54:55

Sounds like hard work flowers

Does DD2 have colic? I had 2 fussy babies - both had colic - definitely better when using an effective colic prevention droplets (can't remember what it was called, but it had to be kept in the fridge and it worked better than infacol) Hope someone else comes along who has used this recently!

My DS2 stopped crying as much at night when around 16 weeks old - 11 weeks is still so young. Hang on in there - it does get better.

ginandcake Wed 05-Nov-14 18:55:04

Thank you. I did question whether she had colic because she is a very windy baby and often seems in discomfort. But I really thought colic would be better by now. She is just so different from DD1 who was a limpit baby but if she ever cried sticking her on my boob was a guaranteed way of settling her!

ZebraZeebra Wed 05-Nov-14 19:37:38

I found night feeds so much easier with co-sleeping once I'd mastered lying down feeding as I didn't have to actually get up. So although it's not what you necessarily wanted to do, temporarily it might get you more sleep which is no bad thing.

If your baby is really windy and maybe colicky, redbush/rooibus tea is apparently really good for that. It's naturally caffeine free and very soothing on tummies/digestive systems and very calming for little babies. It's totally safe for them. It's very low in tannins so won't affect iron absorption, unlike all other teas. It's very popular in South Africa to give to babies to calm them and ease their colic. There's lot of documentation about giving it to young babies if you wanted to do some research to see if it helps.

In terms of how you feel...I can imagine I'll feel something very similar. Maybe it's just the change, maybe it's because it's so relentless. DS is two and I'm 23 weeks pregnant. His sleep has been amazing for a year now but I feel like in four or five months, I'm going to chuck a grenade into that! I had a year of sleep deprivation - why am I putting myself through that again?? It's very hard and I imagine it'll be similar to the first time around - the slight panic of "shit, what have we done!!" But it passes. Have faith in that. You found your way with DD1 and you'll do the same being a parent of two children. It's hard...it'll continue to be hard at times...but the best piece of advice I ever had was not to fight against the hard or relentless times...just go with them. Everything passes smile

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