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Parental Guilt

(3 Posts)
mrsfleming2be Tue 04-Nov-14 11:00:13

Just wanted a chat to see if any other mums out there constantly have guilty feelings of how they raise their children.

I have 2 boys aged 3 and 8, and I work 3 full days, youngest DS is at nursery 5 mornings a week from 9 till 12. They dont go to childminders and they are looked after by their grandparents whilst out of school. On my days off I use the time to catch up on household chores so my weekend is free to spend time with the kids and my husband, I do ironing, cleaning, and I also prefer to cook from scratch so that takes up some time. I hate to admit that Im not a creative type mummy, I dont do arts and crafts with the kids, I always ask them to help me with the cooking etc but they are not interested so if they are just playing away I cant help but feel guilty that I am "abandoning" them! I find it harder in the winter to entertain them and admit sometimes we do just snuggle down in front of a Disney movie.

Also eldest DS has become a "non-listener" and I feel as though I spend my days shouting at him to do as he is told first time, getting ready for school is becoming a nightmare in the morning.. anyone else? And how do you tackle it. He has also just joined a football team so with training twice a week and a game every sunday morning this also takes up a bit of time and I feel the younger is being neglected due to this.

Please help me combat these feelings of guilt. xx

holeinmyheart Tue 04-Nov-14 14:08:12

First of all don't beat yourself up because all Parents feel guilt. At least you are thinking about what you are doing. And you also have Mumsnet. My eldest is 40 and I am wracked with guilt.
I smacked my children ( try and get over the guilt of that one) I didn't have much patience, I had a lousy childhood myself and I shouted at my own children.
So I was only good enough. And how did mine turn out? Well they have got good jobs, two of them Doctors, married to Doctors etc. they love to come home and they say they love me. BUT it doesn't make me feel any less guilty about the mistakes I think I made.
Yours are 3 and 8 so you have plenty of time to be patient with them. Every kindness you show them will be repaid to you in shed loads. So be kind, both to them and to yourself.
I realise now what I did, but it is too late. I have to live with remorse and guilt.
Please stop shouting. It just makes you feel bad. Find some other calmer way to combat non compliance. If you keep shouting they will not take any notice of it in the end anyway.
Would you like the inscription on your gravestone to read ' here lies the body of, etc, she shouted a lot' or here lies the body of our FUN Mum.
Which would rather have ? A relaxed easy going Mum or a shouty grumpy one. You can control what you do to these children. Unfortunately they can't control what they get. Xx it is not easy.

Brookville Tue 04-Nov-14 19:55:24

I'm not creative either. I feel I should be doing Autumn leaves or whatever, goodness knows how, but then I stop and think: they do lots of crafts at nursery & school. I don't think my mum did much art with me and I turned out just fine. In fact, she admitted the other day she didn't spend lots of time playing with me or my siblings when we were little as she had so much housework to do. So this guilt we have, where is it coming from??
In terms of listening & your son, have you checked out the book 'How to talk so your kids will listen...' It's often in local libraries.
I'm sure your kids will be more influenced by your morals & ethics and that will help them turn out well.

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