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Jealous of DM/DS relationship

(2 Posts)
scottydoggydoodaa Mon 03-Nov-14 21:27:50

Hi all, this is my first post but have been an avid reader/lurker since pregnant with D'S 16mo.

Basically, as the title says. Background info is that when I returned to work 7 months ago we had a bit of a mish mash of nursery and mil childcare. It became apparent that mil wasn't up to the job so my dm offered to step in. First problem there was that dm lived 250miles away. Long story short is that dm is now living with me, dh and ds. That in itself causes a bit of friction between us all but generally she is a good help as dh works long hours and some nights away.

The main problem I'm having at the moment though is the bond that's developing between dm and ds. While it should make me feel pleased, I am beginning to feel a bit pushed out and resentful. I feel like a total cow but can't help it! I resent that she gets to spend all day every day with my lovely ds but I know that can't be helped
It's the rest of the time that bothers me. For example tonight after he was ready for bed I nipped downstairs to get his milk, got back up and he was snuggled on her bed with her and moaning when I took him away. I know it's probably a bit childish but I can't help but feel hurt by things like this. I feel like they're mother and son and I'm.the outsider at times.

DM doesn't really know anyone here so she mostly tags along when we're out and about and doing things and I just feel like I'm missing out on quality time just me and ds and dh too.

If anyone has any words of wisdom please share! Otherwise thank you for listening to me ramble ha.

vvviola Mon 03-Nov-14 22:05:55

I haven't had direct experience scotty, but my DM and DD1 are very close - and still are despite us being literally on the other side of the world right now.

When we lived nearby it was very hard, especially in the toddler years when her favourite words were "no" and "Granny do it". My parents recently visited us, and while it was beyond wonderful to have them here, it was a bit tricky to see the absolute worship of DM, and the occasional over-ruling of my decisions.

Some ideas:
- find your DM a hobby! Seriously, encourage her to do something, go somewhere at least one night a week - maybe one day at the weekend too.
- Talk to her about the night time stuff. If you are close enough that she can live with you, then you have to be able to tell her that you miss the time with your DS and while you appreciate all her help, it would really help you if you could make bed time just for you.
- Remember that you will always always be the mother. Your DS won't always be at this stage, but you will always be his Mum. My DD was in full time child care at that age, and was very close to her carer, but there was never any doubt in her mind as to who was Mum.
- Try to look on the bright side. A solid relationship with his grandmother is a great thing for your DS to have. When DD2 was born, and DD1 was just turned 4, she went to stay with my parents for a full month (due to us having no emergency support/childcare where we were living). She had a ball, still talks about how much fun she had while we were waiting for DD2 to arrive, and how she got to fly back to "bring DD2 out of the hospital".

I don't know if that helps at all?

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