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This is so fucking hard and DH is still on Paternity Leave

(40 Posts)
ThinkIveBeenHacked Sun 02-Nov-14 16:28:41

DS is 11 days old. DD is 2.10. We went for lunch and to the supermarket today and it was just HARD. Buggy, two kids, one carseat and a changebag to get into the car....how am I meant to do that on my own?

DD has outgrown her naps but is still tired come 4pm. We did an hours painting with her this afternoon and she just wasnt into.it. Early bath (due to paints) had four sets of tears.

I need to get the tea on. DH is currently trying to keep DD going until a more reasonable bedtime. Poor DS had a bottle shoved in his mouth and a bum change half an hour ago.and is now in his basinette.

I shouted at dd, dd cried, again. Im crying.

Wtf am I going to.do when dh goes back towork?!

5madthings Sun 02-Nov-14 16:31:10

You make llife easy for yourself.

Online shop!

Do you have a sling?

Let painting be an activity for at toddlers or pre school etc! Or at least wait a few weeks.

Seriously you have a tiny newbaby!

How about cbeebies for toddler, snuggle on sofa and something easy for dinner!

SweepTheHalls Sun 02-Nov-14 16:32:02

You don't go out for lunch, and you get shopping delivered grin. You go out to toddler groups in the morning, lunch and some cbeebies, followed by a trip to the park to exhaust the toddler. Home for a tea, which is your leftovers from the night before, then don't bother bathing every night, only when actually grubby, tip children into bed. Repeat until pee school hours help you remain some sanity! Ta da!

5madthings Sun 02-Nov-14 16:32:28

Will dd sit on the worktop whilst you prepare dinner? Mine like to do that and watch.

Or you snuggle with dd on the sofa ans cbeebies and rest a bit and let dh do dinner!

ChunkyPickle Sun 02-Nov-14 16:33:28

Leave the carseat in the car, carry the baby - waaaaay easier.

reins if you need them. Do one kid at a time, leave the other buckled, then on the way back, do the kids first then the shopping.

Always have snacks/drinks/toys to distract older one.

5madthings Sun 02-Nov-14 16:33:36

Yes to not bathing every night.

Easy dinners get some nice ready meals.

Or beans on toast is fine as is pasta with sausages and a jar of sauce etc.

GoingToBedfordshire Sun 02-Nov-14 16:33:46

You poor thing, I remember that well.

You will manage. Grab any offer of help, parents, friends, cbeebies. Make sure DH is doing as much as he can manage around his work once he goes back. I found that once I accepted that it would be relentless for a while, I stopped raging against iyswim.

Everyone I know found it so hard, you are definitely not alone. It gets easier.

ThinkIveBeenHacked Sun 02-Nov-14 16:35:47

Dd doesnt sit still.much, is a total livewire which is great day to day as I can walk the legs off her, however I do still feel quite fragile myself.

Dinner is an easy one anyways, wont take too long. She watches too much tv sad which I can overlook all things considered but shes become really entitled with it - I put something else on while she was in the bath and when she got out and came back with dh she demanded Peppa and had a mini meltdown when I said no. Hence.my shouting.

CountryMummy1 Sun 02-Nov-14 16:39:45

Oh it's so so hard! I had 2 exactly the same age and I spent so much time crying and arguing with DH. I nearly had a breakdown when he went back to work. It's now 8 months down the line and we are in a nice routine and it's much easier. Still hectic and tiring but ok. I don't constantly feel like a shit mother.

2.8 is early to drop naps. Have you tried quiet time in her room? She doesn't have to sleep but must okay quietly. Gradually increase the time she stays there- you will probably find she will nod off. Get a Gro clock so she knows when she can come down. This little break would be a lifesaver for you.

I second going to groups in the mornings. Sure start ones are great. You look after baby while toddler plays and lots of people will help you out. You really do feel worse stuck indoors with a newborn and a toddler.

Hugs x

madwomanbackintheattic Sun 02-Nov-14 16:40:45

She'll settle. Early days with a brand new something else competing for mummy and daddy's time.

Make it easy. Don't pressure yourself. Put music on and make her dance if you can't leave the house. Buy a mini trampoline and park it in the middle of the living room. Order pizza. Online shop. Let your standards slide irrevocably for the next three months.

After that, start piecing it all together gradually, and change things slowly as you can cope with them.

Everything is normal. Everything is fine. There is no perfect parenting manual that you have to live by with a newborn and a toddler.

Be kind to yourself.

And you will absolutely be a pro at this in six months.

bearleftmonkeyright Sun 02-Nov-14 16:41:19

I went to every baby group I could find. If the little one can play in the morning it makes the afternoons easier. There was story time in the library. The ladies used to make us coffee it was bliss brew

funchum8am Sun 02-Nov-14 16:41:37

App on the tablet eg Peppa Paintbox if you need her occupied without resorting to TV? I must confess that my 2.1yo DD gets loads of both TV and iPad time at the moment, to my shame, and DC2 isn't actually here yet! Will be joining you in the land of the frazzled when they arrive...

CountryMummy1 Sun 02-Nov-14 16:41:53

Oh and god! Don't bath every night!! Mine are lucky to get one twice a week! Haha think we must be scutty

ReluctantCamper Sun 02-Nov-14 16:42:47

My DS1 is 3.9 and DS2 is 8 weeks, so I'm just coming out of the awful patch (I bloody hope). Embrace the TV, but get stuff that you can both watch, decent Disney films etc. Cbeebies was making me start to loose my mind. Then it's a bit more sociable for DD. I have also managed to get DS1 into homes under the hammer and pointless for the 10am and 5 pm feeds.

LegoCaltrops Sun 02-Nov-14 16:43:00

Is your DD1 at nursery yet? If so, you can legitimately leave the messier activies for nursery. At least until things get easier. If not - can you go to some toddler groups?
Bath doesn't have to be every night. Couple of times per week on set nights that are easier for you, plus any extra baths as you have time & energy or as dictated by unforseen mud/paint/porridge in hair incidents. Would DD1 go in the shower?
Sling for DS, buggy for DD? Or a buggy board for DD1 if she won't go in buggy but would struggle walking far? That way you can get out a bit but don't have to take the car seat. Plus you can all get some fresh air.
Online shop, at least for heavy stuff. Easy things for tea/batch cook in advance & possibly freeze some when you do have time.

madwomanbackintheattic Sun 02-Nov-14 16:43:25

<and get out when you can, as it will help you feel better, but don't do it if you really can't. Work up to it ;-) >

LegoCaltrops Sun 02-Nov-14 16:48:12

Aha just seen your 2nd post. We have a livewire that will walk for ages too. It's hard knowing when they will suddenly decide they are tired, isn't it. And she can put the DVDs in the machine herself, she's 2.6. hmm As long as she's also getting out lots, is interested in playing & doing other stuff, try not to worry about a bit of TV time.

ThinkIveBeenHacked Sun 02-Nov-14 17:49:45

She can be awake and lively and suddenly hit 4pm and become a tired little monster. She starts nursery in January, 12.30-3.30 every afternoon. That will take the brunt of her energy and cover the crafts and activoties side of things. Nursery is about five doors up too so minimal commute.

Ive got a Bjorn but could do.with a comfier stretchy wrap so Ill try and source something like that. Thankfully the buggy is a lie flat stroller so at a push, can put baby in laid flat and switch him into a sling if dd needs a seat.

Its all just so overwhelming amd compounded by lack of sleep. DS os having real trouble getting his wind out and passing poops. Tried a few nights of Infacol which helped with the wind but made him constipated. Been out for Cpw and Gate Comfort today (was on SMA gold) so hoping that makes tonight easoer.

EverythingsRunningAway Sun 02-Nov-14 17:58:00

What SweepTheHalls said, pretty much word for word.

Don't be doing mad things like dragging a baby and a toddler to the supermarket or thinking going out for lunch will be fun.

It's all about making life as simple as possible and just going with the restrictions for now. It won't be forever.

The paternity leave cliff is terrifying, but once you go over it and cope OK you'll start to feel more in control of everything.

smile

You'll be fine, honestly. You're only 11 days in. It's OK to be overwhelmed. smile

gerbo Sun 02-Nov-14 18:57:16

All sounds very normal, ThinkIveBeen, don't feel alone!

The solution is routine I think and also being kind to yourself.

Head to playgroup first thing, gets you out and about, home for lunch then nap, or vice versa, then quieter afternoon at home/park, etc. repeat every single day!!

The emotional support from chatting/moaning/laughing with other mums, over tea and toast, even on the worst days, is invaluable. It really picks you up after a crap day previously, or when you're super tired. I used to do one every day of the week.

Shopping delivered, as little washing or ironing as poss (let standards drop) and try to relax and even enjoy the time, it goes too quickly.

It's a tough tough period though. when my ds arrived and my parents visited, HDTV had just gone back to work and I sa in the chair holding my newborn da, with my two year old dd running around the room playing up completely, screaming and being a total pickle. It was completely out of character but I was too sore/exhausted to deal with her properly and my family just looked bewildered!!!!! Hence I burst out crying with the frustration of it all......I remember the way you're feeling so clearly. It will get better, I promise!

Iggly Sun 02-Nov-14 18:59:53

Painting the afternoons. Bad idea.
Cafe with a newborn and toddler. Bad idea.

Seriously, keep it simple. Baby in sling, go to the park/library/soft play. Then afternoons you chill I.e. stick TV on or read stories or get a colouring in book/stickers etc for oldest.

gerbo Sun 02-Nov-14 19:03:36

Sorry just realised I wrote 'HDTV' went back to work. Ahem. This was meant to be 'dh' clearly!!

gerbo Sun 02-Nov-14 19:05:30

Ps yes I agree that the husband returning to work is terrifying and I counted down the hours, but day one was actually ok, and when he got home we looked at each other in such relief! It will be ok.

GozerTheGozerian Sun 02-Nov-14 19:07:26

Oh this is exactly my life right now - DS1 is 2.10, DS2 is 12 days old and DH is back to work this week. I'm dreading it also. We've just had yet another bedtime drama complete with snotty, tantrumming, overtired DS1 (refusing naps all over the place and I don't have the capacity to engineer them for him at the moment). My house is a mess. I'm BF so marooned on sofa for hours. Lots of cbeebies is being watched - and to think I had thought it was difficult when DS1 was born. I'm clutching onto the theory that it's all a phase and will become easier... hopefully...!

SanityClause Sun 02-Nov-14 19:15:30

Let her have a "quiet time with books" in her room, rather than a nap. If she gets tired at 4:00, let her have it at 3:30 or 3:45. (Ie, before she is too tired). That way, if she needs a sleep, she may just drop off, but calling it a quiet time means it's not seen as a nap, which she might see as an undignified thing to need. And even if she doesn't sleep, she can rest, and her brain can slow down a bit, so hopefully she'll be less overwrought, afterwards.

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