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11 week old wants to be held all day...(15 Posts)
My DD is 11 weeks old and for the last few days just wants to be held all day. It's the only time she will nap and the only time she will settle when awake. Previously she would happily lie on her play mat or sit in her bouncer but now she cries when I put her down. She has reflux so I'm always careful to wind properly then keep her upright at least at 45 degrees, sometimes for up to an hour before putting her down. Has anyone else experienced a clingy phase like this? I can't get anything done, I am feeding mainly expressed breast milk but struggling to find the time to express or to do anything else other than sit on the sofa holding DD....
It is fairly normal to be clingy at that age tbh.
However I am wondering what medication she is on for reflux, if any? It may be that she needs some, or needs higher dosage or even needs other medications. For example starting medication is infant gaviscon on its own but some may need to have ranitidine in addition. Ranitidine doses need adjusting every so often as they are weight based.
Our health visitor was a godsend when we had this stage. She explained that we could hold her all day / get a sling / work our schedule around her and that was a really valid choice - if it was what we wanted. Or we could choose for her to fit around us / a schedule and teach her to be more independent. As I went back to work at 6 months and am not really the attachment parenting type / I chose the latter.
The first step was always to check she didn't really need anything. (Milk, nappy, Etc). The test was - is she fine if lifted? Essentially, we put her in her moses basket, put a hand on her belly and spoke calmly and gently - doesn't matter what you say bt generally we said things like "mummy and daddy are here; you're safe; you've just had your milk; etc". If she rely got worked up we'd lift her until her breathing calmed down. Then start again.
It was hard at first but she learnt to soothe herself more. Took a few painful evenings.
I did also get a sling for when suits me (and it was lovely to cuddle her in it) but I balanced this out with her soothing herself.
She's 1 now and self settles, wakes up happy and will sing contentedly to herself for half an hour plus in the mornings if we don't go straight in. We may have just been lucky tho,
Also - no reflux issues so you'd have to factor that in
I too had a Velcro/refluxy baby. They like being held upright because it eases their symptoms. Ranitidine made a huge difference to DD. I also got a sling and basically carried her everywhere! We also found the fisher price swinging chair a godsend.
Have you got any meds from the GP?
DD was like this, she wanted to be with me at all times, and slept best on me. I cut back massively on trying to gat stuff done. In the evenings i let her fall asleep on me and sat on the sofa (mumsnetting or actually doing useful stuff on the computer) with a sleeping baby on my chest for while, before transferring her to her bed.
DD gradually grew out of needing me so much. We didn't need to do any kind of sleep training or anything like that. It was a phase and it passed.
I would highly recommend a sling. And also have a think about what practical things you or your partner can do to lessen the demands on your time while your baby is so little.
I know it's frustrating, but does it matter? She is a tiny baby who wants to be close to you. You will never get this time again. Unless the other stuff you are trying to get done is life or death can you really not just leave it?
All too soon you'll be looking back and wondering where the time has gone. (My own clingy wanting-to-be-held PFB is 28 years old and it has gone in the blink of an eye).
Sorry i should have said, DD wasn't refluxy, just clingy!
She's my second baby. Had she been my first i might not have had the confidence to just go with the flow and let her be close to me if that's what she needed. I think people generally don't discuss the reality of having babies with people with no children, and we live very separate lives these days, so it can be a real surprise to find out how much a baby might want to feed in the early days for example, or the realities of having a refluxy baby, and how hard it is too get stuff done. If can be easy to feel you're doing it wrong or your baby is, if they don't fit the - frankly unrealistic - idea of sleeping through, 7-7 in their own cots and self settling from an early age. Some do but it's not the norm, and i think it would save a lot of angst if we were more aware of that.
Second time round i'm much more confident in my choice to go with the flow and accommodate my baby's needs, as i've done it with one and he's turned out well!
Although i took pretty much the opposite approach to blankiefan i totally agree it's about finding what works for you.
I think all newborns want to be held all the time? You're lucky you had a "fine on the floor/bouncer" phase to be honest. Try a sling for getting things done, otherwise embrace it, in a few months when he's crawling he won't hang around as much!
DS was refluxy and was exactly the same. I got a stretchy wrap and it saved my sanity so I would recommend that.
We also ended up giving him ranitidine which improved his reflux massively. No problems now at 10 months. He still likes to be close/ cuddled but is much better.
Good luck and enjoy the cuddles if you can!
Thanks for all the replies. Our doctor diagnosed reflux but didn't prescribe anything, just advised to feed lesser amounts more often to avoid overfilling DD's stomach. I think we'll discuss it again with the doctor to see if any medication would help. Some days are worse than others but at times she wakes and cries and I can see clear liquid bubbling into her mouth, I think it's stomach acid.
I will try to relax and go with the flow a little more, the things I am trying to do are just regular things like putting clothes in the wash, having a shower etc. I guess I should just learn to value the cuddles more... It's true we won't get these times again.
My DS had terrible reflux and the only thing that worked at that age was popping him in the sling and getting on with my day. It's a lot less stressful than holding for 45 mins or feeling trapped - strapped on in his stretchy wrap (or on my DH in the ergo) we could cook some dinner, go to the shops, and often he'd have his naps in there too, while I was walking or at home while i bounced on a gym ball and watched Netflix or read a book.
He still did tummy time and things but in between he'd be on me, it saved my sanity! At the time it did sometimes feel a bit claustrophobic but I do miss it now
As she's not on any medication I'd definitely go back to gp to start something. They normally try to see if its manageable without medication but if not first step in medication is normally infant gaviscon, which is just a feed thickener so makes it easier for it to stay in her tummy and not keep coming up with stomach acid burning her throat. Then if that's not enough then there's ranitidine which reduces stomach acid production.
Tbh your lucky your gp did diagnose her, so many won't - in fact my gp was so insistant that it wasn't, that it was wasn't diagnosed and medication prescribed until 10months (he's a severe sufferer), when he saw his alder hey surgeon (for his breathing problems). She was appalled that my gp had consistently told me I was wrong and couldn't believe how bad the inflammation of his throat was. Difference it made was unbelievable.
Dd1 had reflux that wasn't diagnosed until she was 5 months old and was a nightmare between 3pm and 9pm with constant screaming, not sleeping at night and wouldn't be out down in the day.
Its very difficult not being able to put them down for a minute. I did find that she'd sleep better on her front so I'd get her to sleep laid on my shoulder and then carefully lay her on her front in the travel cot with one very tight sheet. She'd sleep for about an hour like this so I could throw a wash on and grab a very quick shower. I spent most of the time she was asleep like this checking she was okay but it gave me a little respite and saved my sanity to not be stuck in a chair not moving incase she woke up and started screaming again.
She'd also sleep in the pushchair slightly sat up, still reclined but not quite flat, she could never sleep flat on her back. I'd put her in the pushchair and go for a walk. She'd be asleep in five minutes and stay that way while out until she got hungry. It didn't help with getting anything done in the house but it got me out of the house for a bit.
Go back to your GP, having now got DC with reflux, medication makes such a difference. Ranitidine or omeprazole. Make your GP take it seriously.
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