How do you discipline your toddler?(7 Posts)
I have a 3 year old DD who is really lovely in general. I've never had problems since birth. She would sleep through the night (she still does for 12 hours) in her own bed, she has her afternoon nap, until recently she used feed herself.
She's quite clever too as she has picked up a lot of things kids her age haven't. I know this from nursery and other parents always comment.
What I have observed is that when we eat (apart from porridge), she refuses to feed herself at home but I know that at nursery (around other kids) she will sit and feed herself without causing a scene. At home she'll end up being fed, she sometimes throws food on the floor. Then we have to use a naughty corner. This is quite exhausting at times because this naughty corner thing doesn't seem to work very well. If you threaten that you will send her she will says she wants to go to the naughty corner!
When she's there she pouts and clearly hates it. She does apologise if you tell her but as soon as she's out she will repeat the behaviour even if you have told her why she was in the naughty corner!
When we are out in the shops, if she's walking she will roll herself on the floor like a little animal. Most of the time I really couldn't care because she's a kid but this can be annoying if we are say going to a wedding or something and she's rolling all over a dirty floor. If you tell her No she won't even take notice, she's likely to do more.
When it comes to anything you ask/ tell her to stop she says No defiantly and will not do it. Forget taking her to a restaurant as she'll standing on chairs and jumping around like a little monkey.
I know she's only 3 but she understands language fully and can talk. She says thank you and please and is polite but I worry about the above and that people will think we don't discipline her.
I spoke to a RL friend and she said she smacks her 3 yr old. I noticed this little girl listens to her mother - completely different to my situation but the girl is rather violent when she plays with DD, she hits!! DD doesn't hit other kids and she ends up crying when with the other girl. If I follow the same discipline strategy, will this teach my dd to hit other kids? Does anyone here do this - how and why does it work for you?
Another friend used to do this too but she stopped as she said she didn't like it and her DH never seemed to get involved so she ended up being the mean parent. She also says there are other ways - she uses a naughty corner now which in her case seems to be effective.
Any tips any suggestions? What has worked for you? If you are against smacking then please tell me why? I always though I would never do this but just use language to get my point across.
She ends up being fed at home because you feed her. Stop feeding her and eventually she will get the message. If her meal doesn't get touched then tough. She will go hungry and learn to pick up her knife and fork at home. It is your choice as to whether you dish up her previous meal but I wouldn't in this situation; that should be reserved for food refusal.
Don't smack. Deal in both natural and logical consequences. This is a good place to start: http://blog.positivediscipline.com/2013/05/logical-consequences.html
Your 3yo sounds just like mine!! My dd's speech is very good and I think we went through a stage of thinking she understood a lot more than she did and that actually she gets big emotions and doesn't know what to do with them or how to talk about them!
We found giving less focus on mealtimes really worked. We have meals and snack at the same time and if they are not eaten they get nothing till the next one. We thought this would lead to lots of complaining and whining about being hungry but actually after a couple of days it settled down and she eats much more than I though she would herself! We do other things with meals like challenge her to eat all the peas before I come back from the loo or say I bet you can't eat another piece if chicken. Also getting her to count things on her plate and count them down as she eats also helps sometimes. I think it helps to have lots of tricks to try!
With regards to consequences we try and do natural consequences so if she is throwing food across the table she has to get down until she is calm! And if she is having a tantrum when friends are round, I will take her out of the room till she calms down. If she won't put her shoes on she goes in push chair to pick her sister up from school and can't get out the buggy to play in the playground. If she hits her sister she has to do something nice for her sister before she can go back to playing.
I tried time outs in her bedroom or the hall at home but to be honest didn't feel it made any impact
It is a bit hit and miss though, friday she trailed me round the supermarket screaming like a banshee and I tried to ignore it and just get my shopping quick and get out! I think it's easier when your not in a hurry to do things. When I am feeling rational I know that this is completely normal toddler behaviour but sometimes I wonder how I have managed to raise such a tantrummer! I found a really good website called ahaparenting. Sorry can't link hope this is helpful.
Do we have the same 3yr old DD op? Mine will scream blue murder if she doesn't get her own way. I do smack her on her bum and her hand when she's out of control. No I haven't seen her hit anyone, but she knows she gets that when she is being very naughty and has been told several times. She is also put in her bed which she hates. But she will stay there until she is calmed down and is ready to say sorry mummy. And if that takes 20 mins so be it. My child is outrageous at times. I'm that mum that gets the dirty looks when I'm out and my child roars louder than anything and everyone stops to stare like I'm hurting her when in actual fact I'm not giving her chocolate at 9am in the morning or I'm saying no she can't have a toy etc
We also have a time out corner which we do use, but to be honest putting her in bed is most effective as she really hates that.
And another thing...
The most important aspect of behaviour management is our perception if it. Never punish. Smacking, random (and illogical) withdrawing of toys / food / treats and sending to bed early etc are all punishments because we as parents have this misguided notion that a child who is being punished needs to suffer.
The punishment must fit the crime. This is where logical and natural consequences are best. Remember, they want control and we want compliance. These are not good bedfellows and we are far more capable of compromise than they are, which is easier said than done! But we must follow through and it must make sense.
Thank you for the tips. It's not so much tantrums as I ignore those whenever they happen. It's the fact that she says No to eating, sitting down at the table, picking up her toys, rolling around on the floor when we are out, or anything she is being asked to do and especially not to do.
I will try leaving her alone if she won't eat and see if she eventually does it herself. She does say she's hungry sometimes but still refuses food.
And yes I'm worried about being that parent everyone stares at in public. I will look up the websites suggested and I think I definitely need to do a bit more reading on this topic.
Whatever you find you are happy with, be consistent, and your DH.
DH has been rubbish at discipline and now the DCs are older it is coming back to bite him on the arse big time.
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