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Am I the only working mother who DOESNT feel guilty about it?

(120 Posts)
mrsleomcgary Sun 26-Oct-14 16:59:57

Read a couple of features/articles in the papers over the last few days and where the subject is a working mother they all talk about the guilt they about it. Which has made me realise that actually, I don't feel guilty about working full time.

My pfb is 9 months old and I love her more than anything. I went back to work full time when she was 7 months old and childcare is split between dh (who works shifts) my inlaws and a childminder 1 day a week. I changed jobs just after going back to work and one of my new colleagues in particular is aghast that I work full time,not in a judgey way but she's a good bit older so maybe it's more of a generation thing, and even friends comment how hard it must be. But it's not,i love my job and can't imagine being home with the baby all day everyday.

I realise that given my situation with childcare and the fact I actually enjoy my job I am incredibly lucky and in other circumstances perhaps I would feel that guilt. Financially I have to work full time but I'm not convinced I would work part time we're it a viable option. Anyone else or am I the evil hag mother from hell?

Stealthpolarbear Sun 26-Oct-14 17:01:49

Nope smile

socially Sun 26-Oct-14 17:03:39

Nope, I've never felt a single shred of guilt.

I was over the bloody moon when I went back. DS was 8 months.

FamiliesShareGerms Sun 26-Oct-14 17:04:15


smashboxmashbox Sun 26-Oct-14 17:04:40

Nope. I work ft and I study AND my ex does a fair whack of childcare.

Some folk in work think I must be some sort of scarlet woman grin. And the number of them who say "oh my husband/partner would never do that" makes me laugh.

I like my weekends to myself worse mother than you by a mile blush

Don't get me wrong. I'd walk on hot coals for them and lay my life down for them but I like the peace. Ex is having DD half this week and she's away with the school so I get peace for a whole week. And I'm off work. I intend to lie in bed until lunchtime and eat chocolate.

IpsyUpsyDaisyDo Sun 26-Oct-14 17:04:54

Nope, you're definitely not the only one! grin

Stealthpolarbear Sun 26-Oct-14 17:04:59

Im sick of the attitude that womem have to justify their working (or non working) patterns. I work for the same reasons dh does but no one ever asks him how he managedms working full time with two children.

Mrsgrumble Sun 26-Oct-14 17:05:19

Dont feel guilty at all. Baby was six months. I have the best of both worlds I feel. Couldn't stay at home all day. I finish fairly early so I get plenty of playtime with him.

Lweji Sun 26-Oct-14 17:05:53

No. smile

IpsyUpsyDaisyDo Sun 26-Oct-14 17:06:35

YY stealthpolarbear

Philoslothy Sun 26-Oct-14 17:09:49

I never felt guilty for working and when I did have negative feelings it was really me wanting to do less because I was tired and not feelings of guilt about my children. I also worked to buy expensive skincare and shoes, never to put dinner on the table

I am at home full time now, not out of guilt or some kind of maternal drive but because I can get up at least an hour later and spend all my time wafting about and having lunch rather than actually working .

I am clearly a shit mother but God I am happy.

mrsleomcgary Sun 26-Oct-14 17:10:18

stealth you are absolutly right. Never thought about it much before but since she was born things like this have been winding me up more and more. The way I see it I would feel more guilty if I couldnt provide for her which is why I work,but it also keeps me sane and lets me feel like an adult!

hollie84 Sun 26-Oct-14 17:11:26

I would rather be at home, but I don't feel guilty about being at work (or even think about the DC tbh).

SirChenjin Sun 26-Oct-14 17:12:46

Nope. Well. occasionally - but 99.9% of the time I skip off to work secure in the knowledge that the DC are happy, well adjusted and mono-headed as a result of fantastic childcare smile

whatadrain Sun 26-Oct-14 17:14:05

No guilt here. I went back to work when DS1 was 6 weeks and my DTs were 4 months. Everyone seems to want me to feel guilty, particularly my DM.

Sadboob Sun 26-Oct-14 17:18:42

Hmm. I'm on maternity leave just now but will be going back to work in a couple of months 4 days a week, baby will be going to a lovely childminder nearby. I don't feel one bit guilty about it but I do feel pretty sad that we can't afford for me to go back eg just 3 days a week, because I think I'll miss the time together.

JugglingChaotically Sun 26-Oct-14 17:42:47

Used to love it when they were little. Home in time for bath most tights, tea some nights. And a lovely lovely nanny.
For various reasons,several years on. Different job. Commute worse than anticipated. Moved offices in new job - which added more time still.
Work went from 430pm end of day (after v early start) to late and then emails at home also.
And DDs not happy with current nanny.
So now .....

TondelayoSchwarzkopf Sun 26-Oct-14 17:49:07

Not at all. Financial security counts a lot, as does career development and intellectual stimulation. I grew up in a really poor household and the lack of money and choices impacted on everything.

My eldest DS has a lovely relationship with his old nanny and his current childminder. Hopefully DS2 will as well. There is a lot to be said for the loving relationships children form with their non-parent care givers.

chutneypig Sun 26-Oct-14 17:57:52

I've never felt guilty. I skipped out of nursery the first day but have learnt it's best not to say that grin.

My children's school seem to struggle far more with the concept of a full time working mother. That can be a pain but not something I feel guilty about. I figure most things balance out. My children do miss having friends round after school but given they were doing victory dances about going to the school holiday club next week, I figure they're not scarred by breakfast and after school club.

longestlurkerever Sun 26-Oct-14 18:06:05

I work nearly full time. I enjoy my time with dd but don't feel the least bit guilty about the hours I am in work. I never considered being a SAHM. I could just about afford it but wouldn't enjoy it and actually I earn more than dh so it would make more sense for him to be a sahd but I would miss my day off with dd then.

Dragonlette Sun 26-Oct-14 18:24:46

I've never felt guilty about working/studying. Dd1 was 11 months when I started uni and the only time I ever felt guilty was when she was ill and I couldn't take time off (final exams). Then I started ft work on her first day at school. I've worked ft ever since.

After dd2 I went back ft when she was 6 months. I felt no guilt at all, our cm is wonderful, better than I would be if I was at home.

TantrumsAndBalloons Sun 26-Oct-14 18:30:36

No guilt whatsoever. Went back ft when ds was 7 months old. She's 16 now.

StetsonsAreCool Sun 26-Oct-14 18:35:27

Nope, I don't feel a shred of guilt either. But I really enjoy my job. When I first went back, I was in a different job that I didn't want to go back too. I felt guilty then, but in hindsight I think it was more resentment paying for childcare to go to a place I hated all day!

Been in my new job 2 and a half years, it's longer days, further from home but much more fulfilling and with better long term prospects. I've never felt guilty since.

Will see how I feel this time next year when I go back after DC2 though grin

misssmapp Sun 26-Oct-14 18:37:51

I went back when dcs were 9mths and 6 mths respectively. I didn't feel guilty when they were little, as I knew they were is super childcare .

Now, they are 7 and 9 and guilt is creeping in. I cant afford not to work ( main breadwinner ) but feel now, despite being fully confident in our childminder, that they are missing out more. I wish I could have more walking home from school chats, esp with the older one , I wish I could help with school work after school instead of having to do it later when we are all tired, and I wish I could have their friends over more after school.

I worry these issues will be even greater as they get older.

guineapig1 Sun 26-Oct-14 18:42:25

Another one here not feeling any shred of guilt. It didn't even occur to me to think about not going back full time to be honest. DH also works full time and are equal partners as far as the day to day running of the house/family is concerned. Tbh I would be a rubbish sahm!

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