Feeling really low and guilty

[TigerLily666]

My DS (aged 14 months) had a bad fall into the side of our (wooden) bed frame 4 weeks ago. It was completely my fault as I let him try to get off the bed himself. He'd managed it OK a number of times before but this time he fell and there was an almighty thump and sobbing. When I picked him up his cheek was all red with a black bit already forming in the middle of it. It was 11pm and I didn't know what to do. DH shouted at me that I was over-reacting and it was only a bruise. DS stopped crying after a few minutes and he seemed himself and seemed OK the next day. Two weeks later I took him to the Drs as there was still bruising and the GP checked him out and said they would still expect bruising after two weeks. I'm now really stressed out as its now 4 weeks since he fell and I can still see discolouration under his skin and there's still a red mark on his cheek where he hit the bed. I'm worried that DS has caused permanent damage to his face and IT WAS ALL MY FAULT. It was a really stupid decision to let him try to get down from the bed when he was tired, upset and still wearing a baby sleeping bag (although he stands in these OK). I don't know what happened other than he fell and I wasn't able to stop it happening. I feel so guilty and DH thinks I am losing it as I am crying about it all the time, and inspecting my son's face on a twice daily basis for any signs of improvement. Has anyone any experience of bad bruising and how long it can sometimes take to heal? I am going back to the GPs tomorrow. I can't forgive myself and I feel like the worse mum ever and not deserving of having a child. Wish I could look at DS and not see the imperfection I've caused, but see a wonderful 15 month old instead.

[Innocuoususername]

OP you are not a bad mum. We've all had horrible moments when you hear a thump followed by a scream. My take on it is that (within reason) they've got to learn to do things by themselves, and there will be a certain amount of tears along the way. Re the bruising, if you are worried then of course it would be best to see the GP, but I think bruises that start off very black can take a few weeks to go. If your DS seems well and not in any pain then the chances are that it's all ok.

To be honest, I'm more concerned that you say you are crying about this all the time: if DS is well, that seems quite an extreme reaction. Is there other stuff going on? Are you normally quite an anxious person? It may be worth mentioning to your GP how you've been feeling.

[wheresthelight]

Oh sweetie stop beating yourself up about this!!! toddlers are always covered in a varying degree of healed bruises - it would be abnormal not to be at that age!!

dd has just turned 14 months but when she was first starting to cruise at 7 ish months she pulled herself up on the architrave of our bedroom door, slipped and smacked her head right in the edge. massive egg, huge bruise, an hour of inconsolable tears and an emergency gp appointment later and she was deemed fine. Following day getting ready to go for lunch with fil, sil and dp's cousins and she tried to do the same in the bathroom and smacked her head on the edge of the rails for the shower doors, cue another massive egg and bruise and more tears. I felt shit, she looked like a mohammed Ali wannabe and fil laughed at me and told me there was far worse to come...he was right!!

he will have far more scrapes and bumps hun it is perfectly normal. if he bruised his cheek bone (and from your description it sounds likely) then it can take 6-10 weeks to heel ime. press it gently, if he doesn't complain then it's just taking longer to heal, if he flinched or cries then take him back and ask if they can get him x-rayed to check for a fracture

[Smartiepants79]

It's not bad parenting to eat him be independent and learn to do things for himself. He was just unlucky and had an accident. The first of many.
The doc says he's ok so I'm sure he is.
I still have a place on my cheek that turns red in the cold and when I cry. I got it when I was about 14 and a bag fell on my face.
My 4 yr old had a scratch I her face when she was about 18 months. The mark stayed for a several months but its long gone.
It will fade. Try not to worry so much.

[MrsTaylor35]

Oh honey, stop blaming yourself. Toddler’s life is full of experience and adventures and bruising, falling down is normal part of an active child. How long it will take to heal, only doctor can determine on basis of physical examination. But overall, if he is healthy, without fever or swelling, then I wouldn’t worry. Instead look for some signs of improvement at the spot and proof of progress.
Home treatment may speed healing and relieve the swelling and soreness that often accompany bruises that are caused by injury. My mother used to cut a banana peel and cover over the bruise with the inside of the peel on the bruise. However, it is not easy in case of toddler.

[TigerLily666]

Thanks everyone. I took DS to the Drs just to make sure I wasn't missing something. They said that the mark would probably fade given time and toddlers tend not to get fractures (which is a bit at odds with other things I've read) but ... DS doesn't mind me touching the area and doesn't flinch or cry so I do think it has just been a very bad bruise which is taking a long time to heal. I am going to monitor it and see where we are in 2-3 months.

I know I have got it all out of proportion but been having a bit of a s**t time of it recently - DS started nursery and we've all had constant illnesses since three days after the first settling in visit; back to work and having to apply for another job in the organisation due to restructuring; and worst of all, anniversary of loss of our previous baby (late miscarriage 3 years ago). All just got a bit much for me over Sept/Oct. Feel on a much more even keel now.

[LittleLionMansMummy]

Pleased you're feeling better OP. Most other MNers will have stories of 'bad parenthood'. You can't wrap them in cotton wool, it's how they learn, however harsh that seems. My ds fell off the bed backwards when he was already feeling awful due to a particularly nasty bout of tonsillitis. At 18 months he fell downstairs - all the way from the top to the bottom. No long term damage at all.