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I am on day 3 of No Shouting.

(522 Posts)
MyCrazyLife Sun 17-Aug-14 20:40:41

And I'm so bloody proud of myself!

I hated myself sometimes; I've got three lovely children (5, 3 and 1) and yet I got to the point where I was screaming at them regularly. Ok so in my "defence" it's the holidays, they fight and wind each other up constantly, I get very bad PMT.

But on the other hand, my horrible, abusive mother used to shout and scream at me, everything was my fault, and she would end saying things like "you should be ashamed" ... "You are a horrible bitch that no one likes" etc etc (things that to this day still affect me).

Now I never got that far with my own DC of course; they are all so loved and wanted. But I was terrified I'd turn into her. So after having a horrible day last Thursday, I vowed to stop shouting. They will still be disciplined if naughty, of course - with the Silly Step or toy confiscation etc - but I won't take out my own frustrations on them.

It's the third day, they're all asleep and I haven't shouted since that Thursday. I never thought I'd be able to do this, really hope I can keep it up. If I can, they may never remember the awful screeching mum they used to have.

Anybody else managed to stop?

CorporateRockWhore Sun 17-Aug-14 20:41:59

Aw that's really cool, OP. Well done for breaking a habit! Have you seen a difference in the kids, or the atmosphere or anything?

Mumof3xox Sun 17-Aug-14 20:42:34

Well done op. I haven't shouted in a few weeks now. I feel much better.

I snapped at dc2 on Friday but didn't shout

karinmaria Sun 17-Aug-14 20:45:45

Following with intent. I only have DS but I find myself being that shouty mum I never wanted to be.

From tomorrow I will join you.

Much luck and looking forward to hearing how it goessmile

MyCrazyLife Sun 17-Aug-14 20:46:00

Mumof3 that's amazing! You are giving me hope smile

Corporate - YES! The 3 year old, who has been extremely "challenging", lets say, has been much better. Still a long way to go, but she loved to push my buttons and would play up until I screamed at her then she would cry, but now I just speak to her calmly/ignore her if she's being really silly.

The atmosphere is different! We had a laugh around the dinner table today. I thought that without the shouting, I'd be more stressed, as I didn't have that "release". Well I'm actually a whole lot LESS stressed. So to conclude, shouting makes you stressed!!

MyCrazyLife Sun 17-Aug-14 20:47:56

Please do, karin! Really hope you can manage it... I suppose it'll take a few weeks for the habit to fully break but here's to no more going to bed feeling guilty wine

karinmaria Sun 17-Aug-14 20:52:25

Hearing you say you're more calm is fantastic (and selfishly very motivating!). I had parents who barely ever shouted and had huge respect for them, whereas my DH had a screamy mum like yours and their relationship is quite strained...

I work full-time and DS is only 16 months. So want to be able to maximise our time together instead of letting him wind me up.

Poseypops Sun 17-Aug-14 20:57:07

Just wanted to say well done. That is amazing, breaking a habit is hard. Keep it up mamma xx

Mumof3xox Sun 17-Aug-14 20:57:40

My mum was a shouty mum too. Which is why I have stopped. I don't want to be her.

Tbh only my middle child pushes me to the extreme now where I could shout the other two I can ignore or distract

MyCrazyLife Sun 17-Aug-14 20:58:34

Well, your first paragraph is a huge motivation for me actually. So thank you. I have no relationship with my mum and would be terrified to pass on that legacy. It is so bloody stressful being a parent. But think about this...

Do you scream/shout at anyone else? DH? Colleagues? Parents? Friends? I'm guessing no, so you CAN control it, and you really shouldn't be doing it to the most precious being in the world.

Realising that was a huge kick up the bum for me!

MyCrazyLife Sun 17-Aug-14 21:00:54

Thank you, posey. This year I've given up sucking my thumb blush which sounds ridiculous but I was addicted.. That was seriously hard! So if I can do that...

Mumof3, how old is your middle child? I was the middle child sad so that's another reason for me not to be harsh on her! Aagghhh it's not easy.

pommedeterre Sun 17-Aug-14 21:01:16

Well done. Think I want to try this. Currently 36 weeks pg in my defence but have been very shouty recently. Feel bad and also it's not working, they don't stop doing the things in shouting about anyway!

MyCrazyLife Sun 17-Aug-14 21:03:39

Pomme - I was awful when pregnant. The hormones do NOT help! And you make a very good point... For example sometimes I'd shout if one was whinging in the car, but then they'd just cry even louder!

Mumof3xox Sun 17-Aug-14 21:03:42

My middle child is 5 and very very stubborn and nothing is ever fair

MyCrazyLife Sun 17-Aug-14 21:05:18

That's what my 5 year old says. Although funnily enough he hasn't said it since he broke up from school... I think they pick up a lot from there and peppa pig ffs

Mumof3xox Sun 17-Aug-14 21:06:27

Oh no I am still getting it about 30 times a day!
He can be quite an angry child himself and will shout and kick things if he doesn't get his own way

TeenageMutantNinjaTurtle Sun 17-Aug-14 21:07:40

I'm trying to be less shouty too. My mum was an awful shouter and I promised myself I wouldn't be like that...

I recently found this article which has some useful tips which I've found very helpful.

You can stop yelling

MyCrazyLife Sun 17-Aug-14 21:16:25

Mumof3, that sounds hard, how do you handle that?

Teenage - thank you, I'm on the case!

MyCrazyLife Sun 17-Aug-14 21:25:46

Bloody hell. Every "shouter" needs to read that. I have to stick at this!

Mumof3xox Sun 17-Aug-14 21:27:09

I try to ignore it as much as I can

If he's kicking out he goes to time out

I am very consistent in that if I say we are doing something then we are doing it regardless of anyone having a paddy. If I ask them to do something then they need to do it. 6 year old fairly good at this. But he is not as stubborn as 5 year old.

LiberalLibertines Sun 17-Aug-14 21:33:32

I so need to stop shouting.

My 6 year old ds shouts at his little sister, and its exactly what I do to him sad

I'm really going to try the steps above.

karinmaria Sun 17-Aug-14 22:00:54

Really like that article, thank you Teenage.

MyCrazyLife that's so true - I don't yell at other people so why do I tell at my child, the most impressionable, innocent and wonderful being in my life? My DS deserves better parenting than I am providing at the moment, and that makes me sad.

pommedeterre Sun 17-Aug-14 22:28:00

Yes liberal - dd1 mimics me in her play with dd2, is dreadful. mycrazylife - I hope I'm better when the hormones die down but I have a tendency to be a shouts mum anyway.

I just need some techniques to discipline that work though!

MyCrazyLife Mon 18-Aug-14 07:23:54

Karin - don't be too hard on yourself. I expect there is an area of parenting that you excel at where someone else who doesn't shout might be poor at. What are you good at?

My mum was extremely old fashioned and didn't have any interest in modern trends etc, which might sound shallow but it's crucial for a teenager! She sent me to school in some highly embarrassing things. But I try to be aware of things like that and actively avoid embarrassing my DC.

I'm also good at making lunch. I know that sound silly but I'll try to put a variety of things on their plate and change what I buy each week rather than just, say, a chocolate and a biscuit every day. That sounds so lame now I've written it out!

Liberal - we tell our DCs off for shouting but then regress to toddler like behaviour ourselves sad my DS has started saying "mummy, please, can you smack DD's bum?" And that made me feel really guilty.

Pomme - you could try anything (step, put in bedroom, no dessert today) etc etc and it's highly likely your DC will scream and kick off. I think it's your reaction this the most important part of this, so instead of losing it just stay calm and keep reminding them that they're not coming downstairs (or whatever) until they calm down. Well, that's what I do anyway!

manofsponge Mon 18-Aug-14 07:27:02

I never shout. They never shout at me and I'm sure that's why. I have three teenagers. No I hate you. No door slamming. Just really really calm

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