Terrible twos help please

[LittleMissRayofHope]

So I have a 2 year old dd. She was the apple of my eye up until about a week ago. Now I'm seriously considering giving her away

It's like she woke up one day and decided she wasn't going to be sweet and happy ad well behaved anymore. Now she hits, throws, whinges screams yells cries literally all day long.

Example: she has just begged for a nap, she tried to go to sleep on the floor cos I was pushing her to 10am (she will sleep better and longer). So I take her off to her bed. No sooner are we in her room she starts hitting me and running around giggling. Refuses to go in her cot. Refuses to lie down. Cries for her blanket - then kicks it straight off and cries again. Now she's in there yelling and shouting and I'm in another room just waiting it out. I'm quite good at the listening to her yell and cry now as long as it doesn't sound like pain.

She throws everything on the floor. Her water bottle, her toys, her breakfast/lunch/dinner and thinks it's hilarious. She hits me constantly and laughs. Time outs don't seem to so anything CIA she just sits there happily and when it's finished she says sorry and then hits me again. I spent 4 hours - that's right - 4!! Putting her in and out of time out yesterday. In the end I put her in her cot and locked myself in the bathroom and cried cos I was inches away from smacking her and I don't believe in that.

I need help. I'm an emotional person and easily riled up. I am quick to frustration and annoyance and I'm trying my hardest to control this so she doesn't see it cos I think the will encourage her.
I've tried ignoring her when she throws things and is naughty so she has no reaction at all but then it just seems like a free for all and she destroys my home.

Please help me. I'm 34 weeks pregnant as well so exhausted and hot and slow. What happened to this happy, sweet gorgeous little girl I had??? Where did she go?? Is it over? Is this my child now??

[JiltedJohnsJulie]

Poor you, I don't think its over but can see why you are struggling. Could she be unwell? Are her back teeth coming through or does she have a throat or ear infection?

If you are having issues with her naps, when does she go to sleep at night and wake up in the morning. Is she having just one nap?

Next the hitting, have a read of this, it should help

Is she getting activities? The NCT and La Leche League often have groups that run in the holidays and your library might have sessions for tots. Its good to get them outside as much as you can too, although I know that at 34 weeks this can seem like a huge effort.

And lastly you need to ignore, ignore and ignore some more. Give massive amounts of praise for anything she does that you like and hopefully she'll be back to her regular self soon. Oh and lots of cuddles should help too

[LittleMissRayofHope]

Thanks for your response.
I did a lot of ignoring today. Don't feel like it got me anywhere. And had the 'I'm gonna refuse to eat my dinner now' so she's going to bed having eaten half a slice of toast.... I'm refusing to give in now.

I just feel a bit dispondant and a bit like 'what happened??'
Hopefully she'll settle out if this behaviour soon!

[JiltedJohnsJulie]

Sorry you've had another rough day. Have you got the opportunity to have some time to yourself this weekend?

If she refuses food think you just have to accept that she's not hungry and remove the plates when everyone else has finished. No fuss but nothing else to eat either

[givemecaffeine21]

Dr.Green's book 'Toddler Taming' is very good...and funny, helps you find the humour in otherwise humourless situations.

My DD is 2 and my DS is 1 and both are in a toddler phase of hitting, biting, screaming over not getting their own way and being utterly contrary ....this week has been HELL.

Timeouts work for us thankfully, I put her somewhere dull (by the front door) and when were done explain why and ask for an apology...but it doesn't sound like it's going well at your end. I know some parents remove toys etc - haven't tried it but might help.

I'm right in the middle of it myself to be honest and trying to navigate through....I don't think there are any magic solutions or else there would just be one parenting book, not thousands! I'm consistent and I never ever back down...that's about it, but sounds like you're very good at that already and have enough on your plate with another one due.

It is a phase, I've watched both my nieces go through it and now at 3 & 5 they're lovely (mostly). I like to think it can be made shorter with ruthless consistency but we'll see!

[hartmel]

You could have written my life at the moment. Except I have a 11 month old son and I'm 29 weeks pregnant.

Putting him down for a nap is horror lately. He almost falls asleep while sitting in his pram but refuses to lie down to sleep.
Refusing some meals.
Cranky.
Just wants to be in my arm.
Hitting me or my tummy and finding it hilarious.

We constantly tell him about the coming baby ( my moms thinks that he doesn't understand any of it but he does)

I have a feeling that they feel something will change soon and they are not the one who gets 100% attention but has to share it..

On those days where it is extremely I just pack him up and drive either to my mom or go shopping.. Usually helps..

Congrats on your second pregnancy!

I heard that once the baby is here it will get easier. (I so hope. Plus my husband will go on paternity leave so he can be with DS all day )

[LittleMissRayofHope]

I'm quite worried atm for having number 2, due to how she is behaving.
She kisses n cuddles 'baby' all day long. But she gets upset when DH touches my belly. I think she has some understanding but I don't think they comprehend how life changing it will be. And how much it will affect them directly.

She's not refusing food as such, just whatever she is given. DH will pander to her and I'll cook, she refuses it so he gives her anything she wants. I'm not like that. I abhorr waste and am not going to be manipulated into making her several different meals or feeding her cheese exclusively.
Last night she got part way through dinner (a meal she's eaten literally hundreds of times) and decided she didn't like it and wanted houmous and cheese. I said no. She tantrumed, threw things hit me etc but ultimately I didn't give in. Unfortunately she woke at 5 am begging for breakfast so now DH is blaming me n saying I'm cruel for not feeding her!! The food was there, her choice not to eat it.

Don't really get much of a break. DH will look after her and play with her. But it's like he panics when meal times come round, he will come find me to find out what she is having and am I doing it or is he? I'm like 'just feed her!!' He's unorganised. I'm super organised.

I hope the consistency works too but trouble is she has 2 sets of rules... One from me, one from him. He is still very PFB. I'm over that now!!

Thanks for replies and listening to me whinge

[Vijac]

Give her specific praise for everything she does right, as often as possible -'you ate some of your sausage', 'you were cross but you didn't hit', 'you used your quiet voice'. Try to minimise telling her off and saying she's done things wrong.

Empathise to show her you understand what she is trying to communicate (without giving in). Eg 'you are so tired, that you want your nap early, you feel reeeeally sleepy. Let's read two more books then we'll go', 'you fancy cheese tonight, cheese is very tasty isn't it. For lunch tomorrow you can have cheese. Today it is spag Bol. I know it's so hard to wait'.

Give her one on one playtime everyday where you let her lead and show her that you really enjoy her company. These ideas are from the book calmer, easier, happier parenting and have really worked for us.