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Partner makes out that being a stay at home mum is easy

(4 Posts)
Sammie8223 Thu 07-Aug-14 22:48:09

My partner works 6 days a week to pay for our bills. He goes to the gym at least 4 times a week leaving me at home with our 5 month old all day. When he gets in I've made him dinner and lunch for the next day, I still then have to calm baby down and put him to bed (which is a battle every night). During the day times I tidy the house & try to do everything to make my partner happy.

During arguments he tells me how easy it is to bring up a baby & that I moan about nothing. He also says that I do a rubbish job of tidying the house and that I'm lazy.

I get really really hurt when he tells me this as I try to do the best I can to bring up our son and give him a happy family home. I slowly feel like I'm starting to lose control & can't cope anymore.

Am i being unreasonable?

slightlyinsane Fri 08-Aug-14 00:09:50

No you aren't being unreasonable. They have no idea wh

slightlyinsane Fri 08-Aug-14 00:32:01

My phone is driving me mad at the mo. Where was I....
They have no idea what it's like to care for a child and how much work is involved in looking after a house.
I'm a sahm and dh works long hrs and when at home is a lazy sod.
He'll take the kids out for a day to "give me a break" but that just means I can get more housework done.
The best thing I ever did was to go away for the weekend and leave him to it. I was reliably informed, by the nosey woman in the shop opposite, that the change in him over the weekend was shocking and by the evening of my return he was practically on his knees. He'd never admit that but it was nice to know. There was a weekends worth of pots, clothes, hovering etc left as he was just too busy.

Is there anyway you could go away for a night of 2 and leave him to it??
Our twins are now 11 wks old and he's never taken responsibility for them yet, he's had 1 but not both, so while I was doing an epic journey to pick the eldest up from a friends I made a phone call and booked myself a hair appointment and I'm going to make it take hrs just so he has to deal with all 5 kids and the local flower show.
Your not alone, I too have a useless unappreciative dh, many people on here may tell you to leave him etc but it's not always what you want to hear. You do need to find some time out and distance yourself from house and baby, could you go and get your hair done or go to pub with friends. I don't know what else to suggest just wanted you to know you're not alone, hugs x

LittleMissRayofHope Fri 08-Aug-14 10:28:31

My DH was like this at first, I went back to work PT and he had dd one day a week but he just had fun with her!! He kept saying he wished I would go back full time so he could stay home as it was so easy!!

He said all sorts of similar stuff to yours, I didn't clean enough, cook enough, washing always needing doing, laundry always waiting to be washed/dried/hung/ironed/put away.

It drove me mad. I blew up one day and told him fine, take a week off and care for dd. I'll go out everyday, even just friends/mums/shops whatever and you do it all.
He made it to day 3. That evening he conceded how exhausted he was. There was dirty washing piled up. Clothes needed washing. Floors hadn't been done. My dinner wasn't ready or even thought about!! Shopping needed doing. Etc etc. He wouldn't admit as such that he couldn't cope, but he did admit that it is harder then it looks.

Trouble is most men come home and have some playtime and think that we play all day. They don't realise how tough it can be... And that's with one!! I'm 34 weeks and dd is 2 so it's gonna be even tougher for a while!

Have a good chat with him, explain your day. My mum was always advising me to keep a 'log' of my day. Everything that happened so he could read it and see that I'm not lazy. I'm not sat on the sofa all day.

Good luck

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