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I cant believe how badly I'm doing... please tell me its not just me

(19 Posts)
WhatsMyAgeAgain Wed 30-Jul-14 20:20:56

LO is 9 months now. The only thing I feel like I've been able to do is bf.

He no longer has a bedtime, after bath he plays with his dad, bed about 9. I'm enjoying the 8am get ups though.

He doesn't eat. Not interested in food, only wants milk. He's totally thriving but dependent on breast milk. He refuses a bottle and is sensitive to a lot of food.

He's thriving though, as he drinks milk all night. As a result we cosleep. He wakes on average 4 times a night.

I'm going back to work in a month. He has no daytime routine (needs 2 naps but when and where varies daily).

I have a month to fix this but I don't know where to start.

All the other babies I know sleep in their cots, eat food, take a bottle. I'm concerned he will starve when I'm at work.

Iflyaway Wed 30-Jul-14 20:30:02

He won,t starve!

I breastfed for a year as a LP. Co-slept too for longer, it, s easier..

Yes, don,t ask how, had that time off work somehow.

Time for dad to pick up the bottle, and the slack around the house.

Don,t worry, it will work out mine, s 23 now

Get all the support you can, basically. Don,t be afraid to ask. The right people will love to help..

dyslexicdespot Wed 30-Jul-14 20:34:00

It sounds like your baby is doing really well. The problem, if you want to call it a problem, is that he is not behaving like other babies you know. Or at least the way you have been told other babies behave.

How many hours will he be away from you when you start work and what are your childcare arrangements?

Happy36 Wed 30-Jul-14 20:35:35

You're doing more than fine!

What is the childcare arrangement when you return to work?

MagpieMama Wed 30-Jul-14 20:35:39

My 9 month old spends half the night in our bed, is still a boob monster, will only take his daytime naps on me, he has no routine for daytime naps just sleeps when he's tired (and almost always on the boob) and is currently playing with his Dad downstairs as he didn't want to go to sleep after his bath.
You're not alone.
The way I see it, he's happy, healthy and only a baby so I'm not worried!

Theyaremysunshine Wed 30-Jul-14 20:52:18

I bf both dc and both bottle refused, completely. Tried every trick. DS went to nursery at 6m and dd at 8m. Both managed well with a tommee tippee sippy cup. Took about 2-3 weeks to get the hang of it with lots of persistence - basically offered water in it at all mealtimes and expressed milk or formula before every daytime feed.

Don't worry about daytime routine. A good nursery or childminder will be flexible. I would change his get up time to the time he'll be getting up when you're back at work though, so he gets used to the earlier bedtime too.

Have a read of the no cry sleep solution for great ideas about moving from cosleeping to cot (if you want to) and reducing nighttime wakes. I basically started night weaning at 7m but saying, right, no feed for 3 hours. I'd rock, cuddle etc but not feed for 3 hours. Then 4 hours after a few nights, then 5 etc. worked for us. I had to stop cosleeping to do it though as found I was less likely to hold out if we were cuddled up. Too easy to just bf back to sleep.

Good luck. It will go better than you think.

WhatsMyAgeAgain Wed 30-Jul-14 20:52:55

He'll be in nursery 8 till 5, 5 days.

I will bf him morning, at pick up and probably all night.

I just feel like he should be eating more food. I am seeing GP and HV next week for advice.

I'm surprised at how difficult I'm finding it all. I work with disadvantaged children so my attitude to mat leave has been to nurture him as much as possible. I haven't wanted to sleep train or push anything, just go with the flow. I think if I'd been more organised and routine driven, our days might be easier.

Will have to wait and see what happens in September I guess.

Btw my husband does way more than his fair share, I'd be living in squalor if it weren't for him.

Theyaremysunshine Wed 30-Jul-14 20:55:57

Routine suits some but not all babies. Mine scoffed at the idea!

In all honesty OP, if he's feeding that much at night he won't eat much in the day as he simply won't be hungry.

WhatsMyAgeAgain Wed 30-Jul-14 20:56:02

Thanks all

. I think we're going to have to cosleep for the foreseeable. Unless I can find a formula that agrees with him. Don't have much time to express at work, so will be bfing at night.

WhatsMyAgeAgain Wed 30-Jul-14 20:58:35

theyaremysunshine, I think you're right. Don't know how to fix it though.

callamia Wed 30-Jul-14 21:01:36

You've made me feel more normal!
My nine month old naps whenever and wherever works, breastfeeds like no one has ever given him a sandwich and frequently ends up in our bed overnight. Bottles didn't really work for him , and we use a soft spout cup for expressed milk when I'm at work and my husband is at home. I think that only staves off hunger enough until I get home though (which is fine).

Is your nursery ok with babies like these? My nursery (starting in Sept) says that they're ok being flexible, and that babies tend to adapt to their routine pretty quickly anyway. I imagine they're trying to calm my fretting, but they did point to a very happy looking baby who had apparently never been out of her mum's arms for a nap before starting nursery. I think there's hope.

Woodenheart Wed 30-Jul-14 21:04:11

Hi OP,

It sounds like you are doing a great job,

My DD is 14 months, we still co-sleep, every single night,

she naps for about 45 mins once a day, ( in the pram )

She has cows milk now in the day at the Childminders, but she did have formula when there.

I still BF about 3 times in the night and on my days off I BF throughout the day,

I worried about it all at first, but I really think just go along with how your baby is, because it works just fine.

Maybe just try some new finger foods each day,

Theyaremysunshine Wed 30-Jul-14 21:04:53

Try extending the times between feeds at night. Try to nudge a little away from him in the bed at night so he gets used to not sleeping snuggled up. Go slowly, it doesn't have to be fixed immediately.

Maybe ask the gp if you can try neocate formula on prescription.

The no cry book is written by a mum of 4 who bf and coslept. I found it v helpful, but I'm not a CC sort of person.

HappySunflower Wed 30-Jul-14 21:05:21

If he's going to nursery you will probably find that sitting around a table of other babies in high chairs eating food encourages him to do the same.

You say that he is sensitive to foods. Does he have food intolerances? If so the nursery will need a full list of what he can't have.

Co-sleeping, done safely, is a wonderful thing, great if you're breast feeding and lovely for building attachment.

After reading your OP I was more worried about you than your baby tbh!
Working full time after broken nights is going to be exhausting. If you can encourage more food during the day hopefully he will not needs as much at night.
Have you tried baby led weaning?

WhatsMyAgeAgain Wed 30-Jul-14 21:19:06

Chasing up a referal to dietician. Will ask about Neocate. He is quite good with water from a sippy cup so at least he won't dehydrate!

Tried BLW the last few weeks, he's eaten even less, so we're back to some spoonfeeding, with finger foods.

There is plenty he can eat, he just chooses not to, so I think nursery will be fine with it. In terms of his care, they said they will do whatever I want them to do, so I know he will get all the cuddles and affection he needs.

There was a post a few weeks back about a baby who had started nursery and refused all food and drink. When the poster picked up her baby, he was ashen and floppy. I just can't get this thought out of my head.

catkind Wed 30-Jul-14 21:24:26

It sounds like you're doing great, honest. Just doing it your own way - or maybe it's your baby's way!

We did BLW and DS ate very little till he was 1. He was experimenting and learning though. As soon as he was at nursery and breastmilk wasn't an option, boom! Three helpings of lunch. He also wouldn't take a bottle, did fine with drinking water and eating food and a biiiig bf when he got home.

I was actually quite happy with bf-ing in the night, as it meant I knew he was getting enough milk and didn't need to worry about expressing or formula. With cosleeping I didn't feel my sleep was impacted much. We night-weaned around 2.

Don't underestimate the impact of peer pressure, both on eating and sleeping at nursery! Be honest with the staff about how he is at home so they know to expect some settling to be needed. But you might be surprised - DD napped happily (in buggy) on schedule with CM when she would barely nap at all at home. She on the other hand didn't eat much in the first couple of weeks despite eating everything she could lay her mitts on at home. So there's no telling, they are just different for other carers!

Try not to worry about Nursery - lots of babies act totally differently in other peoples care and they will be used to dealing with food and sleep issues. DS is 2.4 now and has always napped well at his CM's house - he still does now but hasn't at home for months.

We've never had a set routine at home and in some ways that can be a good thing as he didn't have to make any major changes to fit into his childcarebroutine

xpost with cat about napping smile

WhatsMyAgeAgain Wed 30-Jul-14 21:28:06

Thanks everyone. Deep down I know he'll be fine at nursery. They are experts with so many tricks up their sleeves.

Just having a wobble now that nursery and work are finally about to become a reality!

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