8 year old. Low confidence and friendship issues. Counselling?

[thinkingaboutthistoomuch]

That's it really and I think one feeds into the other. We are very supportive of anything she wants to do. Unfortunately, she is not sporty or especially musical (some physical and coordination issues) though she does go to those sort of activities and enjoys them reasonably well. Our suggestions of drama classes have gone down like a lead balloon.

Has anyone any experience of anything like a 'life coach' for a child? Someone who can help her build her self esteem. She feels no-one really wants to be her friend at school and feels left out from friendship groups (shyness about joining in at times I think).

We praise everything she does as appropriate, but it doesn't seem to make much difference at times.

Help!

[juliascurr]

different schools put much more emphasis on social skills, groups, playing together etc
dd was similar but with additional issues; ended up school refuser but was cured at a different school

[stargirl1701]

I taught a wee girl like this. I suggested children's yoga for motor skills - individual and not competitive. She 'helped' me in class 3 lunchtimes a week to reduce her time in playground where she was most alone. She 'helped' with Infant playtimes 2 mornings a week.

It's hard. And, I wasn't the parent. An issue I could see was that she had little in common with the other girls. She is now thriving at secondary as, with a wider peer group, she has found people with whom she does have interests in common.

I would also gently ask if you think she possibly has traits on the autistic spectrum?

www.senmagazine.co.uk/articles/articles/senarticles/is-autism-different-for-girls

[thinkingaboutthistoomuch]

thanks. Friendships seem ok (wouldn't put it any better than that) about 80% of the time, then we have a period of upset, nearly always involving 2 other girls. It seems to be 2 of the 3 take turns in being left out.

Unfortunately, DD doesn't seem able to find another friend easily (feels she would not be wanted, no confidence in her value as a friend). I would find it difficult push myself into social situations, though was worse as a child.

re traits on the spectrum. Yes, I would say so, but not to the extent in the article. She has been assessed and is "quirky" at this stage.

[stargirl1701]

What does her teacher say about the situation? Are there any Friendship Circles running in school?

[thinkingaboutthistoomuch]

husband feels we should at least consider changing schools, but I am not sure this will guarantee anything.

[thinkingaboutthistoomuch]

when we raise it, school always acts and 'keeps an eye', but it inevitably blows up again. this is why I am thinking of something DD can work on herself to give her more confidence to deal with these situations. I am worried she is seen as a bit of an easy target at times.

[Monopolice]

Where are you? We've used Lisa Parkes the Smiley Coach - she might know someone near you.

[thinkingaboutthistoomuch]

Not in England I'm afraid.

[stargirl1701]

Will the teacher next year be more responsive to her needs?

[thinkingaboutthistoomuch]

don't know. Will be a teacher new to school!

[Spottybra]

You say she's not sporty but has she tried anything other than group activities? I never was sporty - until I discovered things like rock climbing, canoeing, archery, these gave me the confidence to try martial arts, running and badminton. I also danced but that was an 'art' not a sport. You could consider gymnastics, Pilates, dance, yoga, something she can do with you rather than her peers outside of school. What about a local art group or art galleries?

[stargirl1701]

Probationer teacher? Or, just new?

Is there anyone in particular she would like to be friends with? You invite that child for dinner, etc?

Does she have friends outside of school - Brownies, etc?

[thinkingaboutthistoomuch]

yes, we have done gymnastics which she enjoyed but it did run out of steam for her a bit as the gap between her and the others started to open up (very self conscious).

Currently swimming (1:1) and some riding. To be honest, it is all costing us a lot of money which is why I am wondering if anyone has had any success with counselling etc to get to the root of the confidence issues and learning some strategies for coping with shyness and feeling out of the loop at times.

[stargirl1701]

We use the 'Bounce Back' programme at my school. Is there anything like that in place?

www.bounceback.com.au

[thinkingaboutthistoomuch]

relationship with 'best friend' is the one which seems to cause her the most heartache. We have hosted occasionally but has never been reciprocated.

[thinkingaboutthistoomuch]

thanks for the link, will read.