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For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

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For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Parenting

so my son has just fucked up his education ......again...

99 replies

NigellasDealer · 14/06/2014 12:30

am so upset - son messed up at 2 secondary schools, had some home ed, went to a PRU and finally I found him a place on a 2 year 14 plus GCSE course at a localish FE coll. It was all good although a v long commute for him - now it seems he has failed the first year whch should have been a piece of piss for him but no he did not complete the required work.
so no entry onto the second year !! what should we do

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NigellasDealer · 14/06/2014 12:37

he is 15 and year 1o age now

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aprilanne · 14/06/2014 12:41

don,t panic .its not the end of the world maybe the long commute everyday is getting to him .can he maybe go somewhere else or maybe the tutors can suggest something .

lljkk · 14/06/2014 12:41

Sorry to read this. What do school say is next step?

NigellasDealer · 14/06/2014 12:42

thanks for answering to u both - we are running out of options here - the college does not deal with me really just with him......so we are on our own.

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NigellasDealer · 14/06/2014 12:55

just like real life eh?
if he was at a 'super selective' grammar or 'indie' (boak) everyone would be tripping over themselves to comment.
no he is just another sad fuck up with a poor single mum.
scary isnt it?

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crazyboots · 14/06/2014 13:06

Its hard to comment without more info really, in what way did he mess up at the 2 secondaries?

15 is young. Aren't FE colleges normally for post 16? I might be out of touch there. I was very bright but extremely immature at 15. Didn't mature academically til I was nearly 18. Thankfully one teacher was determined to save me when I flunked out at 16 and 17 for sheer laziness and lack of any work at all. I eventually got 3 good A levels, went on to a good uni and had first class degree by the time I was 24. But this sounds like its about more than academics.

VivaLeBeaver · 14/06/2014 13:12

I think at the age of 15 you need to insist that the tutors talk to you. Ring up and arrange a meeting. He can't be written off at 15yo and is entitled to an education. Talk to the tutors and see what they suggest. If they won't take him back then somewhere else has to. Its a case of finding the best place for him where he's likely to get some form of qualifications.

How does your DS feel about this? Has it been enough of a shock that he might work harder next year?

callamia · 14/06/2014 13:15

What does he want to do? Would he consider trying a vocational course? Fifteen is still young enough to try something different, maybe work around sideways to GCSEs?

OryxCrake · 14/06/2014 13:16

God, you poor thing. Has the LA come up with any useful ideas? Would they be willing to offer some support?

How does your son feel about his education and what's happened? Could he be frightened of school and failing so not doing the work, if that makes any sense at all?

I screwed up royally at school. I was bright but stubborn and refused to go. I scraped a few O levels, then did A levels a couple of years late and went on to uni. It's never too late. Could there be emotional/learning issues going on that mean he's not managing at the moment?

Sorry you're going through this and sorry not to have many constructive ideas. One of my children was miserable at school and we went with home ed, which was great, but that only works if it suits you and your child. What you do next depends on your situation and the reasons why your son is struggling. Hugs to you.

NigellasDealer · 14/06/2014 13:18

The details of how he fucked up at 2 secondaries is not really relevant atm.
FE colleges do run courses for 14 plus age obviously, or he would not have been there would he? I am very happy for your academic success crazyboots.
yes he is entitled to an education - he can go to the nearest secondary for a year and fuck up there too. - no offence to them but it all farmers children who will just mock him.
the annoying thing about it is that if the college take him back , it would be another 2 years til GCSEs - yet if he sat his english gcse tomorrow I know he would pass with a high grade.
no idea where to go now.

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KarlWrenbury · 14/06/2014 13:19

whats at the heart of his issues to be in a PRU

NigellasDealer · 14/06/2014 13:20

even the staff at the PRU had no idea why he was really there tbh.
mainly it was going offsite and smoking and having an annoying accent.
no I am not joking.

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NigellasDealer · 14/06/2014 13:21

he does do this really annoying thing where he has to have the last word and it really doesnt go down well.

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Aethelfleda · 14/06/2014 13:22

(((Hug))) nigella, it's not your situation that's making less people comment, just the time of day I suspect (am only on MN as DS sitting on me while we watch CBeebies after lunch).

Sorry to hear that: it's frustrating for you to have done so much to try to help your DS get a good chance and then he's not gone through with his side of it. Is he usually responsible and self motivated, and this is a total surprise, or is it (if you're honest) something that you might have suspected could happen? Obviously you know him better than we do, but at this age kids (esp boys) do stick their heads in the sand and hope rather than admit to mum they are having a problem... And then it all comes out.

Can you find out from DS why he had trouble?

crazyboots · 14/06/2014 13:23

Sorry wasn't questioning that he was at an FE but in a roundabout way thinking perhaps the environment was too old for him. It was a suggestion made for me at 16 but the teacher who fought to keep me in sixth form said I wasn't mature enough and too easily influenced by older students.

CharlesRyder · 14/06/2014 13:24

Does he have behavioural difficulties? If so is there Alternative Provision near you? Or maybe he will have to go to an EBD school.

He is legally entitled to a full time education. If he was permanently excluded from his last school you need to talk to the LA about finding a placement for him. If he wasn't permanently excluded you may need to re-enrol him and then go through the SENCo to find additional support.

BobTheFly · 14/06/2014 13:24

Gosh people have come on to try and help and you're being really rude. I know you're stressed but you could be a bit more polite.

NigellasDealer · 14/06/2014 13:25

he did not complete the course work even though he had four days to do it he missed three days and attempted to finish it in the last minutes when there was some IT problem.
thanks for hug athelfleda.

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NigellasDealer · 14/06/2014 13:26

This reply has been deleted

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BobTheFly · 14/06/2014 13:28

Wow. I wonder where your son gets his poor attitude from

NigellasDealer · 14/06/2014 13:28

basically it seems the judge of a parent is how her kids do at school.
single mother = fuck up esp in my own 'family'.
god I just can imagine my stepmothers smirking face and fake concern

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NigellasDealer · 14/06/2014 13:29

you see bob that is just what i was talking about. thanks for the demo.

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CharlesRyder · 14/06/2014 13:29

x post

You sound really defensive.

Children do not get put in expensive PRU provision for having annoying accents. Or because they have a lone parent.

I think maybe to need to start looking at this in a more 'solution focussed' way for your DS's sake.

FamiliesShareGerms · 14/06/2014 13:29

I know you're upset, but posters have been helpful and sympathetic and tried to assure you it doesn't mean he's doomed to failure, and you've been a bit rude in response, OP

NigellasDealer · 14/06/2014 13:31

charles as I said even the PRU staff were genuinely confused as to why he was there.

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