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Tantrums - how many a day does your two year old have?

(18 Posts)
Mamabear12 Sat 05-Apr-14 04:21:55

My daughter is so sweet and cute, but boy does she throw tantrums easily!! She is just two and has a fit any time I say no. It's so frustrating. ESP since she also likes to do opposite of what I ask. If I say let's go this way she is determined to go opposite direction! She has tantrums several times a day!!!

How many tantrums did ur little ones have? Why doesn't my daughter want to listen? Why does she insist on opposite of what I want! Frustrating!

KatyN Sun 06-Apr-14 18:23:56

I've noticed that no one has responded to this.. My chap is 2.5 and he doesn't roll on the floor screaming in a tantrum (yet) but he will scream and cry for about 15 seconds often. I have no idea how often. Some days it's everything I ask, others he's fine.

The thing that worked best for us was to give him two options and he picks and then count to three. So do you want of climb into the pushchair on your own, or mummy will lift you in. You have three to climb in.

Some things are non negotiable... Hand holding when crossing the road. Telly turning off when I've watched every octonauts there is etc.

Other things I totally give in to him. If he wants to walk one way we go that way. It helps that we rarely have anything we HAVE to do during a day.

Good luck, k

Melonbreath Sun 06-Apr-14 18:25:52

My 16 month old throws around 8 strops a day

HarderThanYouThink Sun 06-Apr-14 18:27:32

Mine will be 2 in a couple of days, he throws tantrums all day long.

daisydee43 Sun 06-Apr-14 20:16:16

Dd is 2. Not sure if I've got an answer yet, some days better than others. At home if she tantrums then she goes to her room. Giving options seems to work. Out in the world I let her lie on the floor and tantrum - not sure if good but shouting never helps. It's everyday but I'm not going to tip toe round her- got 2 nieces and you can't say no to them and they always get what they want - little brats

CareBearWithFangs Sun 06-Apr-14 20:19:05

Today we've had 3 seperate ones that lasted 20 mins plus.

And several short outbursts of screaming/crying too.

Fun times hmm

SizzlesSit Sun 06-Apr-14 20:20:06

Proper tantrum about once a week. Maximum of two whinges a day. I think of it as a reward for having a 2.6 year old who doesnt sleep through and only sleeps 9 hours a night wink

fretfree Sun 06-Apr-14 20:22:40

I'm lucky - my 22 month old DS hardly ever tantrums. But when he starts crying when he doesn't get what he wants, I find that he is much better when he knows I understand what he wanted (e.g. saying to him "you really wanted to go in the cupboard to get some biscuits") before saying what is happening next (e.g. "we are about to have dinner so we need to go and sit at the table"). I can also echo the good advice on giving choices. They work well with mine also. Good luck!

elQuintoConyo Sun 06-Apr-14 20:46:24

Not many yet in my 2.4yo. I'm sure my time will come. He has never had an outdoor/supermarket-type tantrum, but has the odd tantrum at home. Maybe once a week? They're very short. I give a choice of a or b, if that doesn't work (eg he's chosen b but then thrown it on the floor and screamed), then I sit on the floor with him and start playing with a toy, he'll snuffle over and we'll have a hug and play trains or whatever.

Thinking more about it, he seems to wind daddy up more than me, I think I'm more scary stern.

As I said, I'm sure our time will come grin

findingherfeet Sun 06-Apr-14 21:28:59

1 - getting dressed (unless done as soon as she wakes up)

2 - coat and shoes on to go out (not always but often enough)

3 - having to share with other children more often than not ends in hysterics confused

4 - leaving somewhere (unless bribed into buggy with snacks)

5 - meal refusal - getting better not so frequent

6 - nap time/bed time 'I'm NOT tired!!' (Then jumps into bed for 3hr nap and 12hrs night sleep)

Blimey reading that she sounds like a right joy!!

Mamabear12 Mon 07-Apr-14 01:18:35

Findingherfeet, sounds like what sets my daughter off as well :-)

allisgood1 Mon 07-Apr-14 02:05:22

It depends on how tired she is and how well fed she is. If she's both tired and hungry then it's multiple. If not, she's more easy going. On average though, about 5. I have noticed that eliminating access to tv/ipad reduces them as well as she just gets on and plays.

toomuchtooold Mon 07-Apr-14 06:40:53

Maybe about 1 meltdown a day each at this point (23mo DTs) but they have subsided a bit - DT2 started tantrums at about 15 months when she discovered she didn't know how to get her toy buggy down the stairs (had just started to walk confidently). She would try for about 2 mins, angrily refuse all offers of help and then get down on the floor and beat it in frustration. Then back up, repeat. Could go on for about half an hour till she got to the weepy stage and you could peel her off the thing, quickly hide it and give her a cuddle. It got so that I put their buggies away and would avoid anywhere that had toy buggies. But one way and another she got better at walking and learned how to do it. It's so funny. I got one kid who JUST NEEDS TO DO IT HERSELF and the other who always wants your input and attention. Just as well they're so different or I'd never manage. I have wondered if twins maybe come through the tantrum stage a little earlier because they are faced with the reality that the world doesn't conform to your wishes a bit earlier, always having their twin to compete with. But then I have a friend with twins who says the terrible twos only hit for them at nearly three. I mostly try to pretend she never told me that though. La la la, it will all be plain sailing from here on in...

MiaowTheCat Mon 07-Apr-14 12:13:29

DD1 started the terrible twos tantrums at about 13 months - in terms of "I want that but I can't tell you what I want and you're just not reading my mind and it's all awful!" or "she said no!" ones... seems to be outgrowing those a bit now and we're onto the frustration ones when the world is desperately uncooperative with her demands - it was the theatrical throwing herself on the floor in sobs one the other day as she couldn't phone Mr Tumble on a plastic egg cup that I was trying desperately not to giggle at. I'm hoping since she started them early she finishes them early too... but her younger sister is 13 months next month....

Bumpsadaisie Mon 07-Apr-14 12:49:52

There is inevitably going to be conflict with toddlers, it's how they are. And its a good thing developmentally too. On the other hand 24/7 conflict is very draining, the ideal is to have some conflict but manage situations carefully so it's not a permanent state of affairs.

If your DD is just two, she's still quite little - am guessing she will not be very verbal yet so you are getting the acting out.

My DS is 2.5 and can talk quite well now, so fewer tantrums. But on the flip side lots of strong expressions of wants and wills! If a toddler digs in their heels it is going to be a very difficult argument to win, you need to distract or remove the emotion about the issue then try again later when everyone has moved on.

The trick is to give in to a sufficient degree so that they are not completely frustrated and fed up about their powerlessness ALL the time. If you can say yes, say yes, even if its a bit inconvenient. Eg my DS has to climb into his carseat by himself. It's annoying to stand and wait but I reason with myself that actually his behaviour overall will be better (and my life easier) if I let him have some freedom.

On the other hand don't let them get away with the biggies (they do need boundaries too as well as freedom to express their own agency). Don't let her be dangerous, rude, antisocial etc. I also have rules about sitting down to eat and drink, not getting too wild in the house, being gentle with (esp. younger) children and that sort of thing.

My son is refusing to get dressed in the morning at the mo. Tricky as I have to get his elder sister (4 nearly 5) to school on time. So I manage this by postponing the conflict - I let him eat his brek in pyjamas and take his clothes downstairs. By the time we have had breakfast he is in a much better mood and we can get dressed quickly.

As your DD gets older you might have more success with "if x, then y" type reasoning. "If you put your shoes on, we can go to the playground/you can have your vitamin sweet/insert whatever bribery you like". The introduction of "y" takes the focus of "x" and they forget to make a scene about it!

My son also responds quite well to the "oh no!" approach. Eg "Oh no! You've haven't put your pants on. You will get a cold bottom, oh no!"

Essentially, you are using your superior cognitive skills to throw more things into the mix than their little minds can cope with at once. That way they forget to strop!

Sometimes though, they just have to put up with doing something they don't want to do. They will be cross. That's life!

Good luck

Bumpsadaisie Mon 07-Apr-14 12:50:56

Oh yes, and make sure they are not tired or hungry. That is rule no.1 of managing toddlers!

CareBearWithFangs Mon 07-Apr-14 18:07:10

See the problem we have with tantrums is that over things I have no control over. Such as

"I want to see with my eyes closed"

"I want to see the stars" - when it's daytime

We have a lot of these types of tantrums where DD wants something that's completely impossible. So far I've yet to come across anyone with any useable advice on how to avoid them/how to calm her down.

My opinion is some children just have tantrums and some just don't. And hope it's a phase they grow out of!

toomuchtooold Mon 07-Apr-14 20:14:19

Oh care bear, I read something in "How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So kids Will Talk" - to sort of go on a trip of imagination with them. Like, "you'd love to be able to see the stars in the daytime. That would be amazing! You could see the stars and the sun at the same time" sort of thing. It's supposed to defuse them. I don't know, I usually use it at the point where I've run out of ideas and by that time they're usually at the tearful knackered stage anyway...

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