What do you HATE about being a parent? RANT AWAY(66 Posts)
So after my husband and i got married, we decided (yes WE decided) to try for a baby. After several months, we got lucky and 8 months ago i gave birth to a lovely lil boy and so we had our family. Most times are good and my husband is a doting father yet he complains MOST of the time. His sex drive is almost non existent now and he is always complaining about the lack of time since we had our lil one -YET I am the one that does most of the tasks but haven't reminded him that fact (yet!) Why didn't anyone tell me that when you have a baby, your husband turns into a complaining SOB that you just wanna bitch slap sometimes!!! Arrrrggghh
The boredom of maternity leave, lonely and boring. And I have lots of friends but trying to have a conversation when we have to find highchairs in a restaurant, feed our babies, make sure they are happy, change nappies, get them off to sleep, give a drink, bottle, more food aaaaahhh and then you find yourselves just talking about babies anyway!
I miss the grown up conversations with my girlfriends about moving house, careers, sex, holidays, books etc etc. Now it's all potty training and developmental milestones. snore zzzzzzz
Can't wait to go back to work so I'm also more interesting myself when I talk to my DH, feel like a boring housewife with nothin to talk about!
The incessant laundry that only gets much, much worse the older they get.
Puke, shit, puke and more shit, snot and illness, shit and puke and more snot.
Don't feel like that every day.
I hate the lack of sleep and the way that even in my sleep I am tense, waiting for the sound of a baby. I also hate the constant responsibility and the fact that I have to ask dp in advance if I can have an hour off here or there when he's looking after the baby. Meanwhile he happily tells me about what he's been reading or watching on telly or just thinking about and I want to say - why do you get to have free time? Why do I have to ask your permission for any of my own? (And then feel guilty about it)
Responsibility and lack of freedom. I think I'm a free spirit by nature and knowing that I have to do drop offs and pick ups at certain times and will have to for the next 13 years makes me want to crawl under the duvet and never leave.
Yes! The inane drivel! I've wasted far too many brain cells on Pokemon, Minecraft and Ben 10. I could win Mastermind with any of those topics.
Second the holidays - same shit, different location.
Also hate when I try to do something special with the children and they moan all the way through it. Took them to Vikings at the British Museum today. They moaned about the train being delayed, the walk to the museum, the crowds, the heat, the walk back to the train, etc, etc. Why do I bother?
I've thought of another one that I am really detesting at the moment - annual leave from work I've got one week's holiday booked this year which will be nice - but then the rest of the leave is taken up covering for the childminder's holiday (worth it really because she's so much cheaper in the long-run), illness, DP getting called into work on an emergency...
I'm sitting here planning the rest of the year - to be fair, DP doing shift work doesn't help - and just covering odd days in advance I have 4.5 days left, which is barely enough for random illnesses
Oh DAISY I hear you on the bickering. Easter hols here and I have a banging head ache from hard core refereeing all day.
Its true, I do that too. Why is that? I have a friend who's little boy is lovely but has a tendancy to be an annoying little whinger. He's on a stage higher reading book than my daughter, and despite the fact that he is 6 months older than she is, I can't help myself stressing about it. Crazy.
Oh god yes, the competitive parenting. But I hate the way it creeps up on you even if it's not deliberate. I'm an constantly comparing. A friend mentioned the other day she'd started potty training her DC, who is exactly the same age as mine. I hadn't even considered it.
I'm quite bothered by this now Am I leaving it too late? Am I doing something wrong??
Love this thread. I hate the competitive parenting thing. You know the mums you meet at toddler group who say 'I've never given him chocolate' or 'She only eats organic goji berries for treats' whilst frowning at the biscuit your child is
smearing on her face eating. What do these women expect you to say 'Gosh, you're right. You are a much better mum than I am. I'll try and be more like you from now on'? Because frankly, my kids are better than yours or anyone else's, therefore I'm the better mum and you're rubbish.
That stuff they inject you with after childbirth, its not anti D or vitamin K or any of the other fancy titles they give it. It's pure guilt.
The never ending mountain of ironing.
The never ending flow of snot.
Of course a 2 minute cuddle makes it all worthwhile.
the relentless bickering
the fact I can't turn my back on them for more than 30 seconds without the bickering starting up
did I mention the bickering...
I hate those days where you just don't feel like doing the daily routine. Don't feel like going for walk, don't feel like singing songs, don't feel like toilet training or having a tea party...don't feel like making breakfast (snack,lunch, snack, dinner etc, etc). Those days where you just want to be left alone to lay on the couch and watch tv while eating junk food in peace like you used to once upon a time.
It can be hard to rise above on those bone tired days.
Not that I'd choose anything else mind you, but that doesn't mean there aren't hard days.
I hate not being able to randomly go out ( you have to plan everything ), hate it when they are ill and hate it when I have to cook 2 or 3 different meals to please everyone ( though this is mainly due to dh being so fussy ).
The ever present responsibility sometimes feels like a huge weight for me. I also hate feeling that I've been an awful mum when I've snapped at my two year old (pregnant and ratty) and, more than anything, I hate that I'm about to turn his world upside down with a new baby. I will so much miss our one on one time together and part of me doesn't want a thing to change. Our bond is so strong and the thought of not having time for him and seeing that reflected in his eyes is bloody awful.
Did anyone else feel like that before number two arrived? Think hormones are playing a part in all this at the moment.
When dd was younger, it was the mind-numbing isolation. When slightly older, the school-gate competitiveness. Now it's being the default taxi service, and the hanging round playing fields watching dd having all the fun and pretending to be interested. And the school angst. I've never got why parents get their knickers in a twist so much about how their darlings are progressing or otherwise at school. There are high points, obviously, but generally soul-destroying, energy-sapping, unpaid grunt work.
I love my 13mo DS with all my heart and am 8wks pg with DC2 but if I'm honest, I preferred my life before him.
Of course at the time I was just desperate for kids, so the grass is always greener it would seem.
I guess that's just human nature. I enjoy spending time with DC and I still LOVE stuff like petting zoos, theme parks, water parks, treasure hunts etc - all older kid stuff - so I expect I will enjoy life much more when DS and his future sibling are 3+.
Although I'm not looking forward to them answering back
I hate the fact it's like a military operation just to get out of the bloody house. Gone are the days when I could just grab my car keys, phone and bank card and be out in less than a min.
I mostly love being a parent, but one thing that drives me mad is the way that no matter how petty, argumentative, stubborn, rude, obstructive and violent my 3yo can be on occasion, I have to try to rise above it, be the sensible grown up, and not throw a tantrum myself. And that if I do snap and shout, cry or flounce out, I have to show a good example and apologise for my behaviour first! Aaaarrrrrggghhh!
Oooh, that felt good
OP - are you complaining that his sex drive has gone down, or is he? I'm no expert but I imagine it's pretty common. Being a parent is knackering sometimes, and when your kids are still wee they take up so much of your time, whether it's looking after them or all the extra house chores that come with them. I'm always surprised when I read on Mumsnet that people have gotten pregnant a few months after having a baby
or even in the first year because I think "where do they find the time??! How are they even interested in having sex?!". Also, OP, things get easier the older they get and the exhaustion doesn't last forever.
If we're ranting about the worst things about being a parent, my gripes would be -
1. Being ill - gone are the days when you hole up in bed or on the couch to rest and get better. You just have to struggle on. Those are really the worst.
2. (in the early days) the sheer relentlessness of it. How you somehow achieve absolutely nothing all day, but have been kept busy doing god knows what
3. That we miss out on lots of nights out and other fun things that we used to do. We don't go out as often as a couple, if we are going out, it's often separately
4. that you feel guilty moaning about these type of things
I must be mad getting pregnant again!
I hate the relentlessness of it, that DS simply has no awareness of my needs (obviously, he is only 16 months). When I'm ill, or having a bad PND day, or if I'm bone achingly tired, he just carried on regardless and there are some days I feel I just can't do it anymore
The thing I hate is not being able to put my baby (5mo) down for longer than about 5 minutes without her whinging, steadily progressing to screaming. Raaaahh! At least I have good arm muscles now.
The waste. DS is 21 and still demanding attention like a 10 year old. Still rebelling. Still jealous of DD. DD is 17, still entitled.
Have helped and given them every possible thing we could think of. Have given up.
Sick of 21 wasted years of life and energy and money and all I neglected on the way to my ultimate role as the family scapegoat.
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