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a visit from ss- what to expect??

(15 Posts)
louloutheshamed Thu 03-Apr-14 20:22:06

have posted the backstory to this in relationships under "messy bil situation wwyd?". Basically its a horrible state of affairs. Bil has been with is new gf for less than a year. he is just divorced and has 2 dds from his marriage. his gf (or fiance, they are due to get married in the summer but that night change now) is heavily pregnant. She has 2 pre teen children who live with (separate) grandparents.

It turns out that sil has a conviction for child cruelty as when one of her dcs was a baby it was left with fractured arms and legs. SS have just caught up with her, and it looks as if the new baby will be taken into care. SS have visited pil today to fill them in on the situation, and have told them that they will also visit us, as our 2 dcs have been in contact with her. (Probably on about 5 occasions - she was invited to pils annual pre xmas family holiday, spent nye with us at pils house and attended our ds's bday party with bil and his dds plus a couple of other occasions, she was never alone with dcs, lots of other people around).

since the details have emerged we have obviously decided that we will have nothing more to do with her. pil were very keen to welcome her into the fold after bil's acrimonious divorce, they feel completely deceived.

anyway, my main q is what will the ss visit entail? Are my dc considered at risk now? Am v angry and upset by all of this.

lola88 Thu 03-Apr-14 20:27:31

There shouldn't be any issue since you have decided to cut contact.

We had one of these visits due to MIL's partners teen daughter accusing him of assault (was rubbish and he was found not guilt only reason it when so far was her mother pushing it after he reduced maintenance since she was spending it on nights out) anyway as DS stayed there they came told us the situation and asked if we are happy for DS to continue going we said yes and it was over with. I'm sure it will be the same but you saying no contact they will be happy and go.

cakeymccakington Thu 03-Apr-14 20:28:31

i wouldn't have thought your children will be considered at risk, esp if you can show that you are cutting contact with her.

horrible situation for you all though sad

Bibbitybobbetyboo Thu 03-Apr-14 20:35:18

They probably just want to ensure that you understand that your DC's should not be around (or at least left unsupervised) with your sil. They may also want to discuss with you whether you would be prepared to look after the new baby in the event of it being removed. SS have a duty to consider placing children with family members before placing in non family foster care and if they can ascertain who may be suitable/willing before baby is born it will obviously save time. Either way I wouldn't have thought you need to lose any sleep over it.

louloutheshamed Thu 03-Apr-14 20:53:36

Goodness I hadn't even considered that question shockhmm

BonaDea Thu 03-Apr-14 21:01:02

I did wonder whether you'd be asked to consider helping with the baby.

What is bil saying? Is he staying with her?

louloutheshamed Thu 03-Apr-14 21:04:58

Not sure yet, it's all emerged suddenly.

I hope to god he doesn't stay with her. I didn't think getting married was a good idea anyway so soon after a divorce but now it seems so wrong to have a wedding when there is such a tragedy going on.

I wondered if Bil could raise baby alone if he left her but no one has mentioned that possibility yet.

poocatcherchampion Thu 03-Apr-14 21:14:01

you are not clear, is it his baby?

louloutheshamed Thu 03-Apr-14 21:18:34

Yes his baby, sorry.

louloutheshamed Fri 04-Apr-14 07:43:42

Does anyone know if bil could keep and raise baby if he didn't stay with her?

Fairy1303 Fri 04-Apr-14 07:47:52

I can't see why not - but he would have to show he understands the gravity of the situation, have made a clean break from her and understands what it would take to protect the baby.

nolongerbumpieorlumpie Fri 04-Apr-14 07:54:50

hello sw here! yes he can. If he separates and is assessed prebirth it can happen at birth. He'll need to get legal representation but he's the dad, he'll be prioritised if she is assessed as in changed. pm if you want to.

louloutheshamed Fri 04-Apr-14 10:13:22

Thanks nolonger, have pm-ed you.

wheresthelight Fri 04-Apr-14 10:18:33

As someone who has SS involvement in her dsc's lives and dd due to something dp did years ago it may not be. A case of removing the child, they may want to put sanctions in place to make sure she is always supervised with baby and that she is supervised with any kids under a given age.

I would make sure that you stay calm and reaffirm that you have cut ties or that you never leave your kids unsupervised with her.

If you need anything else please pm me

ikeaismylocal Fri 04-Apr-14 19:59:46

I know of someone who had her dc removed because of drug use. Her dp (dc's father) left and got to keep the child with the understanding that the child wasn't allowed contact with the mother.

Good luck to your BIL.

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