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Advice from other widows with young Children please.x

(6 Posts)
Scotma11 Sun 30-Mar-14 22:20:13

Hello, I am looking for some advice please. My daughter was 4 months old when her father took his own life whilst being investigated by police for possessing indecent images of children. She is now approaching 2 years old and I am trying to find the best possible way to explain things when the time comes that my daughter needs to know about her father. I am keen to tell her the truth and always want her to know her father loves her and will always be with her in spirit. I know I will start off with simple details and gradually build on it as her understanding develops. I just want to have the best way to say it sorted in my mind so I don't blurt out something if she catches me unaware. I am struggling as I feel I do not wish to say he was mentally ill as he was not plus I have depression myself and don't want her to think that I will leave her too. Any advice you can offer would really help, I don't want to explain it poorly and confuse her or make things worse. Thank you

Anomaly Sun 30-Mar-14 23:04:35

Sorry for your loss. I think i would get some professional help - it sounds like a complicated situation, death, suicide and the reasons behind it. This link has some places that may be able to advise you. Have you had counselling or support?

http://www.netmums.com/parenting-support/miscarriage-and-loss/loss-of-a-child/helping-children-cope-with-bereavement#expert

ShoeWhore Sun 30-Mar-14 23:11:28

OP what a terribly difficult situation to have to deal with. I'm so sorry.

I don't have any personal experience but do you know the charity Winston's Wish? It is specifically for bereaved children who have lost a parent or sibling and their advice and support is excellent (they helped my friend and her children when she was dying)

Here's a link to their website

Laura0608 Mon 31-Mar-14 12:53:14

I signed up here to ask a quick question but I saw this and had to reply. My son's father committed suicide when he was just a few months old. It was truly heartbreaking. My son is now seven and such a happy, well developed child. I never lied to him about how his dad died but word it carefully. As we are a Catholic family he was told from a young age, when he started asking, that his daddy was very sad so baby Jesus decided he'd be happier in heaven. It's important to be honest but suicide is not something that should be explained when children are still young. I am really sorry you have to go through this, I wouldn't wish it upon my worst enemy.

Scotma11 Mon 31-Mar-14 14:59:47

Thank you for replies. Yes I have had counselling with Cruse Bereavement which really helped me. I will contact winstons wish to ask advice too. Laura0608, thank you, my own father took his own life when I was 19 but it gives me hope that my little girl can still grow up and be happy and well adjusted despite having lost her father so tragically. Take care all.xx

Mintymoomoo Mon 31-Mar-14 22:55:36

My dad commited suicide when I was 17, my 3dc have always known they have another grandad in the sky and I just tell them that he was very poorly and couldn't stay any longer, my oldest is 11 now and I guess maybe if she starts asking again then I might have to tell her, but I would still explain it in a way that said that he was very ill in his head and he felt he had no other choice and he couldn't carry on his life.

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