Sleeping with your children. What age is acceptable?

[zoltanbuchan]

Hello all, first time poster (dad) seeking some advice...

My ex and I have a major disagreement. Our daughter has just turned nine, and last Friday she fell asleep in my arms in bed.

When my ex came home, she completely freaked out about it. Now, if she wanted to sleep with me (or her) every night, then this would be a problem, but once in a while I think is fine. It's not as if she's 13, she's only nine.

What do people think, is nine too old?

[MinesAPintOfTea]

In your arms sounds a little too intimate to me, and how does your ex know? Could your dd have been vouching discomfort to her?

Basically it can go on as long as the DC are comfortable and need it but by 9 many girls are starting puberty or not far off so I would expect it to stop fairly soon.

[Mamabear12]

I used to be afraid of the dark up to age 11 and would sleep w my mom or dad (they sleep separately) or my sister. Whoever would let me. I never slept in any of their arms though. When I was w my dad he would be sleeping and I would be in the bed watching tv - and would fall asleep.

[Nancery]

I don't think its a big deal. Presuming this is not a nightly occurence

[steph12345]

she's only 9 she's still a child... she fell asleep in your arms i think its quite sweet actually it was a one off what's the big deal?

[RedandChecker]

I can't see a problem.
That is still young IME, I would have happily fell asleep cuddling my daddy at that age!

[5madthings]

She is nine, you are her dad, it's fine!

She will stop doing it when she wants to!

[Breezy1985]

I don't see a problem my DD is 9 and asleep in my bed right now, I'm laid next to her. My DS is 8 and occasionaly sleeps in my bed too.

[addictedtosugar]

If you and you daughter are both happy, I don't see an issue with it.
I have started putting a teeshirt on if one of the boys come into bed with me (usually when ill), but figure they will have a problem with it before me.
If they choose to come into bed with me, I won't stop them.

[zoltanbuchan]

I stay an my ex's place when I visit every second weekend, and my bedroom is just beside the front door. The bedroom door was open, so she saw us when she came in.

I agree that it'll have to stop fairly soon, and I'm aware that she's at an age where puberty can start, but it was just a one-off kind of thing. I can't honestly remember the last time she actually slept with me. There was a period a couple of years ago where she absolutely refused to sleep on her own, but that's thankfully passed.

Thing is, after many years of fighting, my ex and I have an excellent relationship now (I have my own bedroom in her house!), so I really don't want to jeopardise it. So next time I'll insist she sleeps in her own room. I occasionally have a cuddle in her bed with her in the morning for a couple of minutes, which I still think is OK.

[zoltanbuchan]

Thanks for the replies everyone :-)

[chattychattyboomba]

This actually brings a tear to my eye (happy tear!) she's a little girl! 9 is still a child. She fell asleep in her daddy's arms. It's very very sweet and I think it's cruel to suggest otherwise at this stage.

[JollyMarie79]

A 9yr old sleeping in her Daddy's arms is beautiful. What a lovely relationship you guys must have. I do not see a problem xx

[ClimbingHillsBarefoot]

I can't see the problem with it. Dd is that ageand has been known to crawl into our bed. I figure she will stop of her own accord when she wants. 9 is still very young. Certainly if she was ill I would prefer her to be near me.

[RhondaJean]

Not a problem at all, my 9 year old often curls up with DH in bed and they sleep. If she comes down in the middle of the night with a bad dream, it's his side of the bed she gets into for a hug.

She's a little girl, and if she's happy and comfortable with it then why wouldn't I be. I will actually be very sad when she stops doing it. They look adorable asleep together.

[Nocomet]

She's your DD if she comes and falls a sleep in your bed at 9, 19 or 29 that totally and utterly fine.

I have 13 and 16 y DDs they fall asleep in the sofa next to me and or DH sometimes, they come in and chat on Sunday mornings, the 13 y occasionally comes and has a hug if she's ill or frightened in the night.

So what, hugs, comfort, love that's what parents are for, there isn't a cut of date.

[ClimbingHillsBarefoot]

Breakfast together in bed is surely ok? Perhaps that would be acceptable with ex, and could be a lovely treat.

[mummyof2boys257]

Dont see a problem here it's just a cuddle with a daughter and her dad

Cherish those moments children grow so fast

[FanFuckingTastic]

I hope my children never feel uncomfortable sleeping in the same bed as me. I still share a bed with my mum sometimes and I'm thirty one. Less snuggling now mind you, more fighting for the blankets.

I love nothing more than to hug up close to my children and go to sleep with them, DS is eight now and it still feels entirely normal.

[Iwillorderthefood]

Good grief, really? Never too old, if they are comfortable sharing a bed with you. That is ludicrous. Does you ex think its weird if she sleeps in the same bed with her? If it's not odd for her then why for you?

[MinesAPintOfTea]

That's fine then. From your first post I was assuming your dd had felt it necessary to discuss with your ex ie that she was uncomfortable with it. That it was a chance sighting and your dd is happy makes it fine in my book.

[odyssey2001]

I had some difficult years in my teens and I would go and sleep in my parent's bed, cuddled up to my mum, for the last few hours of every morning for years. I valued the love, comfort and compassion my mum gave me. Now that she is gone, I appreciate that selflessness even more. I turned out fine and I'm now a parent myself. To hell with puberty and social norms - do what is right for you and her.

[scottishmummy]

Nice,cuddled up to her dad and happy.not a problem at all

[PirateJones]

9's not too old at all, I'd say it's fine until the child no longer wants to do it, just play it by ear.

[lessonsintightropes]

She will stop coming for a sleepy cuddle when she doesn't want to/finds it weird, which is probably not far away, as you have said you know. It's lovely you have this relationship with her. My Dad worked night shifts when I was growing up so we didn't have much chance to nap together, I think I was 6 or 7 when it stopped. I really hope when our DC comes along, he/she will nap with DH until the onset of puberty as I think it's such a lovely bonding thing. Your EW/EP is I think freaking out unnecessarily, hope for all your sakes (as it sounds like you guys have a really great thing going on) that she realises she's overreacting.

[Rommell]

Another one here who thinks it's lovely. She wouldn't be doing it if she wasn't comfortable with it and she will stop in her own time.