'No daddy, mummy do it'(7 Posts)
The title has been the soundtrack of our lives for the past 3 months and it's getting very boring now. DD is 26 months, and what was horrendous separation anxiety has turned into a velcro like attachment to me and total rejection of DH (other than trips to soft play and the park). For everything else from getting dressed, preparing food, making a drink, walking to the car, pushing the pushchair, holding hands when we're out and about, it's always 'no daddy, mummy do it'..at various volumes from normal speaking voice to very loud anguished screams.
Please tell me it will end one day, and any ideas on how to gently encourage her to be more accepting of daddy doing things?
I need to hear the same, only for us it's no mummy, daddy do it.
I was terribly worried about this with DD, especially when I was pregnant with her little brother. It improved a lot once he was born, although regularly resurfaces (she's now 4.6 and DS is 20 months). I always thought DH could have made more of an effort with her, but realise now how disheartening and upsetting it must have been for him. I wasn't working, he worked long hours and didn't see her a huge amount. When he did, she rejected him.
DS is almost the opposite. He drops everything when he hears Daddy open the front door. Still wants me at night though!
My DD used to do this with my Mum and Dad and Me.
Truthfully it will end but you have to encourage it
put your foot down
I always bended to my daughters whims where this was concerned as did my parents because on a Sunday afternoon round there house it seemed easier.
It wasn't until it started getting ridiculous. For example I went to sit in one chair and was told "no Mummy sit there" whilst point to the seat next to it. AND I DID IT, well almost.
At that point I started saying no Mummy wants to sit here, or when she wanted me to get her juice and my Mum was doing it I would say no Granny is doing it, or no Mummy is busy Granny will do it etc etc.
It didn't take long for her to realise that actually although she's a bossy little madam that it actually didn't matter who did what she still was getting what she was asking for.
Be firm, stay strong and expect a tantrum or 10 but stick with it and I put money that this time next week it'll be a million times easier
and you might get to enjoy a cuppa in peace
We had this at a similar age. Well, tbmoreh, from when DS was born til about 3yo.
Things that helped were the day per week when DH had DS and I was at work, splitting bathtime/bedtime so I'd do it one night and DH the next (despite the wailing for mummy), dd being born and indeed me being pg and I'll and not so much fun. And prob most importantly I made a big fuss of DH in front of DS when DS said he didn't want him. Lots of "poor DH, that must make you so sad, it's ok (big cuddle)" to make DS understand that what he was saying was hurtful without reprimanding him for v natural feelings.
It will end, she will want her DF some times and not you. And the first time she says "go away naughty mummy, I want my daddy" will cut you up! Hang on in there and when you know you're not needed, try to back off, but don't force it.
Thank you all. It's good to know that it might come to an end one day. I do feel bad for DH, he comes home and wants to spend time with his girls, only to be told to go away by the smallest one!
DD will quite happily go out to soft play with him for a morning or an afternoon in the park, i think I will make the most of those times for now, and not sweat the small stuff. She will grow out of it eventually! Even though I do resent that I have done nearly every nappy change (apart from the ones at nursery) since the beginning of January!!!
2.6yo DS is like this. He had crippling separation anxiety from 5 months and will only very occasionally let other people do things for him. DH works very hard to build their relationship and it's getting better in tiny increments. I shan't force it yet, he is genuinely just a sensitive wee boy.
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