So I have a friend who has a baby, he's about 8 months old. I love her so much, and she loves him so much, he's pretty much her whole life now, and I can see that she's trying to be the best mother she possibly can, spending most of her money on his needs, and taking him to baby groups/library groups etc, she had a terrible childhood herself with an abusive mother, so she is absolutely determined to be the opposite of her, and she's doing a brilliant job otherwise.
However, there are a few behaviours that I've seen that have got me slightly concerned for his welfare. I know roughly the stages of development he should be at, (although I know every child is very different) and I do think he's a bit behind. I really don't want to go to social, as I don't believe it's that serious at all, however I'm wondering how to talk to her and if there's any advice I can reasonably give/ resources I could point her to...I don't have a child so I know she's more likely to see it as an insult if I don't handle this right.
- He is stuck in his high chair, IMO far too much. Last time I was over there for example, I was there for 2 1/2 hours and he was in there for almost the whole time, save for nappy changing and a dance on my lap She says that she doesn't want him crawling in the living room as she doesn't have a carpet yet, just floorboards, but I gave her a huge rug not long ago for that purpose.
- She is saying that she will not get him vaccinated, (MMR etc) because of scare stories that she's seen on the internet. I know this is a contentious issue, but it's gotten me worried.
- She is feeding him far too much mushy food. He should be on soft solids by now, but all she gives him, save for soft berries and the occassional rusk, is very mushy baby food, as she says he doesn't like the solid stuff. Surely this will impact speech development?
- She smokes in the house. I'm a smoker myself, but I feel very uncomfortable smoking in any house, let alone with a baby in there. Again, this is a behaviour born out of naivety, as she does it in the kitchen whilst he is in the living room and her family all do it, but I don't know how to get the danger across without seeming stuck up.
I'd like to reiterate that the baby is very well loved, fed more than enough, nappies changed whenever needed, and not at risk of any physical harm or neglect. It's just that she comes from an extremely troubled background and there are some little things which do concern me, as she just doesn't have some of the knowledge, and the last thing I want to do is come across as insulting or patronising.
Has anyone been in a similar situation? Any advice would be appreciated.