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we are terrible parents :(

(21 Posts)
ikeaismylocal Fri 21-Mar-14 20:20:46

Ds is 15 months old, dp is on paternity leave but I was also at home today. Ds had really thick trousers on and somehow we missed him doing a poo, I think the padded trousers kept the smell in. Ds usually only poos in the morning, he's very regular.

He was grumpy this evening which is very unlike him, he just wanted to breastfeed and cuddle with me, I thought it was his teeth.

At bedtime we changed his nappy and he'd pood, his bum was so sore even bleeding a little sad

The nappy had been on for 3/4 hours, I have no idea how long the poo had been there.

He's never had nappy rash before, he hardly ever cries because of pain even when he has immunisations he just looks with interest at his arm, he must have been in so much pain sad

We put cream on his bum and he went to sleep like normal, the plan tomorrow is to let him have his nappy off for most of the day so his bum gets lots of air.

I feel like the most horrible parent, it's such terrible neglect to let him get so sore. I feel like I should call my hv and let her know how bad we have been.

ShadowOfTheDay Fri 21-Mar-14 20:23:42

If he's sleeping it hasn't done too much harm - can't be in a lot of pain if he can sleep.....

lots of air tomorrow is a great idea ......

DwellsUndertheSink Fri 21-Mar-14 20:23:57

dont beat yourself up. If he had pooped when asleep, you probably wouldnt have known for 8 - 10 hours. The soreness might me due to diet, teething - all sorts. Especally if he has had an irregularly times poo - he could have a bug or anything. Ditto the crying.

He may be fine tomorrow. dont worry.

mrscog Fri 21-Mar-14 20:37:07

You're not terrible parents - you care that your DS' bum is sore, if you were terrible parents you wouldn't care.

It's sad when they're in pain but stop being pathetic and get over it.

ikeaismylocal Fri 21-Mar-14 20:40:37

Good point that he wouldn't sleep if it was too bad, he hasn't woken so hopefully the cream is working.

I'm pregnant and probably being unreasonably pathetic, I cried yesterday because I gave him baked beans that were too warm ( not scalding great, just warmer than usual) I think I need to bulk buy some grips!

CecyHall Fri 21-Mar-14 20:41:50

Teething can give babies poos like acid, when my DS was teething he would get sore so quickly, so if he is getting new teeth it might be that.

That fact that you have are not only feeling bad but are also planning how to make him feel better tomorrow shows you are not awful.

MsJupiter Fri 21-Mar-14 20:45:09

My DS is 17mo and we had exactly this the other day. Have you got some Metanium? Magic stuff but put on v thinly and let it dry a bit and get some air. It took a couple of days to get better but only bothered him at change / bath times.

MrsNoodleHead Fri 21-Mar-14 20:47:35

DS1 used to have random 'burning' poos that would blister him almost immediately. You're not a terrible parent OP, it's just one of those things that happens to everyone. The important thing is that you care so much - but don't beat yourself up.

purplebaubles Fri 21-Mar-14 20:47:44

Bless him sad this is why I nappy change/check every 2 hours. I am quite amazed neither of you smelt it though..can smell DD through 3 closed doors!!)

DD ended up like this last week when nursery failed to notice she had pooed..was also left for four hours. Her bottom has only just healed..taken a full week. Lots of nappy free time. Sudocrem. Regular 2 hour changing of nappy since it happened. But don't beat yourself up, as someone else said, if he'd have pooed at night could have been much longer than 4 hours!

ikeaismylocal Fri 21-Mar-14 20:58:40

We have all had colds, I think my sense of smell is probably still a bit rubbish as I couldn't even smell the poo when the nappy came off.

Nappy checking regularly is going to start as of tomorrow, I always wondered how people miss a dirty nappy but now I know!

odyssey2001 Fri 21-Mar-14 21:36:36

I am going to be blunt here. You need to get a little perspective. What you did was not neglect. Neglect is a very strong word and shouldn't be used lightly.

You made an error of judgement nothing more. Making a martyr of yourself by calling the HV isn't going to do anyone any good. You have learned from your mistake - move on.

ikeaismylocal Sat 22-Mar-14 12:05:44

His bum is loads better today, he's been enjoying running about naked.

MiaowTheCat Sat 22-Mar-14 13:10:05

Neglect would be regularly ignoring pooey nappies for hours and hours on a daily basis. Not smelling a whiffy bum because a toddler's streaked past you so fast you haven't caught a whiff, or you've got a bunged up nose, or no sense of smell (MIL) - that's not neglect that's being human.

You also get those totally random more awful than others poos that DO make them sore really fast - DD1's had them recently with a cold, which since you're saying you've had colds could be very likely too - or teething which you've mentioned... doesn't sound like his bum was sore at all really to him - nappy rash is very often a looks much worse to us than it is to them thing.

Metanium is wonder stuff.

slightlyconfused85 Sat 22-Mar-14 13:55:21

Why are you a terrible parent? You didn't ignore it on purpose...that would make you a bad parent. My DP was looking after DD last weekend and left her nappy on for 5 hours didn't notice till she leaked (she drinks a lot!) ; they were too busy having fun and he forgot. Not ideal but also doesn't make him a terrible parent.

Stick some metanium on his bum and he'll be good as new before you know it. Tbh the health visitor would probably be quite annoyed to have her time wasted - they are bogged down with real cases of neglect, not a good parent who didn't smell a nappy once.

CalamityKate Sat 22-Mar-14 13:57:27

Metanium is indeed magical stuff.

Melonbreath Sun 23-Mar-14 10:06:33

Been there, felt the guilt!
Dd pooed at night a few months ago which she hasn't done since she was a newborn, she was up screaming every hour, got fed, cuddled, calpol, not once did I check her nappy as I didn't smell anything.
Oh boy was I hit with the bad parent stick in the morning when poor little dd's teethy poo had given her a bleeding rash.
I still feel bad about it.

feesh Sun 23-Mar-14 16:56:27

This happens in our house quite a lot - one of my twins is queen of the stealth poo and you never know she has done one until you look. Her brother, on the other hand, can be smelt at 20 paces......

Don't beat yourself up about it!

Odaat Sun 23-Mar-14 19:19:03

This happened to me! Damned hayfever and i didn't smell her poop! As everyone keeps saying: metanium is the best and plenty of no nappy time . If really bad use cotton wool with warm water as wipes aren't great of they are sore (even sensitive ones smile )
I felt awful too, then realised it must happen to others smile

ikeaismylocal Sun 23-Mar-14 21:17:20

It was seeing his little bum bleeding whilst he screamed that made me feel like I was the worst mum in the world sad

I cried because I gave him baked beans which were warmer than usual (not burning hot, just a little bit too warm) and his faced looked so shocked and disapointed. Stupid pregnancy hormones!

yesnoyesnoyesno Sun 23-Mar-14 21:30:40

I gave DS nappy rash for similar reason today, he'd already pooed three times so I thought there couldn't be any more left in there and didn't check visually in the four hours to bedtime (I have a cold). Sore red bottom but I've put sudocrem on and it'll be ok in the morning. Don't beat yourself up, you're doing your best.

monkeynuts123 Sun 23-Mar-14 21:31:16

You can always leave his nappy off now while he's asleep, just put a towel under his bum and put nappy on before you got to bed, give him a couple of hours air. That way you can put more cream on too and make sure he's sleeping in as dry a nappy as possible. Bleeding bum from a poo in nappy for a few hours? Sounds unlikely in itself.

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