2.5 yr old absolutely overwhelmed with emotion, tantrum- bit me!

[pod3030]

I'm having a bit of a challenging one atm. Dd is 2 and a half, she has these 'tantrums' (i don't like calling them that as it's not naughtiness, it's being overwhelmed and her electrics are all jammed iyswim) Recently they go on for a very long time, she wants rescuing but nothing i do helps, i sit with her and offer her cuddles, but it escalates, if i go and sit in a corner she follows me and pushes/pulls me, but just now her poor little brain just couldn't cope and she bit me in a frenzy. so i carried her to her room and gently put her down and shut the door, saying we don't bite. But i hate leaving her. I felt overwhelmed myself, and needed space. But i don't want her to feel abandoned. She was asking for help.

I'm a lone parent, i never have a day off, it is a grind on days like these. We had such a lovely day today, and it's ended like this. I love her so much. I have to do all the boundaries, consistency, being a meany. Her dad gets a couple of hours of cake and zoo which is all he wants. i hate the unfairness, and how it affects my relationship with her. I resent having to do all the horrible bits. I'm scared it comes out in my dealing with her episodes, like she senses my anger, my fear is i may misdirect it to her somehow.

Long, sorry, …i love being a mum and we have a great time together. I want to help her through this stage without trauma to both of us.

I am a hsp and i wonder if she is too, she gets overwhelmed easily.
i just feel I'm letting her down, i can't hand over to anyone if i feel overwhelmed, i have to push on through.

[ZebraZeebra]

You sound like a really lovely mum. I know exactly what you mean about tantrums being such a negative word, and how sometimes they are just so overwhelmed with emotions they don't understand or can communicate. You sound lovely.

And fwiw you're doing the valuable, hard stuff your daughter needs. She needs boundaries. She requires them from her parents and though she doesn't know it, and can't appreciate it, things would be immeasurably harder for her without them. She needs you to do this for her and I know it feels like you're being a meany but believe me, she needs you to do it.

We also say "we don't bite" and I think just removing yourself was the best thing to do. Don't beat yourself up. It IS a grind, day in and day out. I'm not a single parent but day to day, DH is not around and I do most of it myself. But I get the emotional support so I can't imagine how much harder it is on your own. Please go easy on yourself. You sound fantastic and very caring and compassionate, but aldi doing completely right by your DD.

[pod3030]

Thanks Zebra I really needed to hear that tonight!

I've calmed down a bit, and we had a bath together and lots of calm time and cuddles. She's in bed and I have a much needed

Phew, just sometimes i get to what feels like the limit of my ability/knowledge - but i think everyone just finds their own way through don't they.

[ZebraZeebra]

They do. Everyone has their limits, all of us. The re-bonding cuddles and baths sounds like the perfect antidote to a very stressful, challenging day. We all lose confidence and reach a point where we think we can't do this parenting thing. But you sound so lovely and so what your daughter needs you to be...you must be doing a great job :) Enjoy the much deserved wine - tomorrow is another day!

[hiccupgirl]

My DS4 was very like this at 2.5. I didn't want to call his behaviour having tantrums because he would just go into total emotional meltdown where nothing he could reach him. They weren't for attention and he couldn't come out of them by himself - he needed help once he was ready to calm down but some of them lasted hours.

I found like you that sometime I had to walk away for my own sake. Sometime nothing I could offer him would help as his brain was just in overdrive and he was trapped in the moment he lost his temper - think 45 mins screaming 'no coat off' while hitting me because I tried to take his coat off when we'd got home. Eventually sometimes he'd fall asleep on the floor because his brain just shut down, other times he'd eventually accept cuddles from me which would then help calm him down. A lot of times I was in tears too because it was just so distressing seeing him like that and not being able to do anything.

He is a lot better now at 4. He still has a big temper and is easily sent off into one (highly strung, temperamental!) but he is able to control his emotions more and understands that sometimes he just needs to take him self off to his bedroom for a chill out.

Be kind to yourself - it is extremely hard dealing with a child like this and you have it all the time. DS does rely solely on me for emotional support but he loves playing with DH so I get breaks from his intense personality.