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fuming as step daughter has wee'd on sofa and said nothing

(187 Posts)
mymiraclebubba Wed 19-Mar-14 22:54:36

Please let me vent without flaming me

I love my dsd to bit but she has pee'd on my bloody sofa AGAIN and said nothing!!!! I only know because I put my dd's toy down when I fed her and when I picked it up it stank of wee. Dd is finally asleep but had a real battle as she loves her toy grrrrrr

There is nothing wrong with dsd she just gets caught up in what she is doing and holds it til she can't hold anymore and freely admits to it. I don't about or tell her off but I am fuming tonight about it!

What can I do to stop her swing it other than pull ups and constantly nagging her???

mymiraclebubba Wed 19-Mar-14 22:55:14


MarvellousMabel Wed 19-Mar-14 22:55:24

How old?

mymiraclebubba Wed 19-Mar-14 22:55:48

She is 8

littlebluedog12 Wed 19-Mar-14 22:55:57

How old is she?

MarvellousMabel Wed 19-Mar-14 22:57:24

Blimey. I'd be really cross.

Not sure what to suggest. Hopefully someone will have some helpful ideas.

Beamur Wed 19-Mar-14 22:59:41

Oh dear. My DD is 7 and has the occasional accident (usually en route to the toilet) as she's left it too late. At 8 I'd be hoping a child would at least be able to let you know there has been an accident - is she too embarrassed to tell you?

mymiraclebubba Wed 19-Mar-14 23:00:37

mabel I am fuming! I could happily wring her neck tonight!!! Luckily it's not sopping so I cam only assume she has done it elsewhere and her clothes were still wetor she rrealised I would kill her and has got up but she is for the bloody high jump tomorrow!! I was going to treat them to a trip to a local theme park but she can bloody forget it now!

CocktailQueen Wed 19-Mar-14 23:01:27

8!! Insane. Does she have accidents everywhere, or just at yours?

mymiraclebubba Wed 19-Mar-14 23:03:51

No idea beamur! Half the time she only owns up if you ask her, she is same at her mum's house according to dss

I could actually cry I am that cross

Poor dp has taken the brunt of it tonight and says he will talk to her tomorrow but I am sick of talking to her and it doing nothing

mymiraclebubba Wed 19-Mar-14 23:04:40

At school mostly but here, home, grandads, play centres! Anywhere her attention is on something she doesn't want to stop

BackforGood Wed 19-Mar-14 23:05:30

seriously ? You are talking about killing her (even figuratively speaking) and that she's for the high jump and that you are going to punish her and stop her treat, and you wonder why she's tried to hide the fact she's had an accident.

If you can't see the link, there's not much we can do to help you sad

Titsalinabumsquash Wed 19-Mar-14 23:07:28

That must be incredibly frustrating for you OP, does she live with you full tine or does her Mum have an active role in her life?

Have you spoken to anyone about getting her some help for it or to give you some strategies to deal with it?

Beamur Wed 19-Mar-14 23:08:18

It doesn't sound like she is doing this deliberately. Maybe when she is very engrossed in something, (especially if she hasn't been to the loo for a while) she does need reminding to stop for a while and go to the toilet.
It's annoying, but try not to be too angry with her.

hoppingmad Wed 19-Mar-14 23:09:20

Backforgood - it's a figure of speech and op is ranting. Calm down. Of course an 8 yr old knows that they'll be in trouble for peeing on the sofa - she's quite old to have accidents if there's no other issues

Optimist1 Wed 19-Mar-14 23:10:03

OK, so it doesn't sound as though it's a problem directly related to you or to being in your house since she does it elsewhere. I'd start sending her off to the loo at regular intervals (whether she says she needs to go or not) from the time she arrives till the time she leaves. You'll be able to judge how frequently this needs to happen, and the result should be no more damp patches. The habit will eventually kick in and you won't have to do the reminding. Happier sdd and happier you.

LongPieceofString Wed 19-Mar-14 23:11:06

I think all you can do is tell her to go to the toilet every couple of hours and whenever leaving the house. And make sure she does. She will find life much more comfy as a result.

tethersend Wed 19-Mar-14 23:11:42

Agree with Backforgood- punishing her is likely to make the problem much worse.

It's either a medical condition, in which case she needs specialist help, or an emotional condition in which case she needs support and understanding.

Why would you punish her?

BusyCee Wed 19-Mar-14 23:12:09

Ok, as she's 8 and still having accidents might there be the possibility it's as a result of unhappiness, stress or tension? Poor child. As a result of adult decisions out of her control she now lives away from her father, has a stepmother (who tbh sounds unsympathetic at best) and the complexities of half-sibling relationships to deal with. Quite a lot at 8, I'd say. Cut the poor child some slack and spend the time you would have spent at the park doing some research into the importance and value of self esteem and how to nurture it (hers, not yours).

mymiraclebubba Wed 19-Mar-14 23:13:23

She has seen Dr and hospital and absolutely no medical reason. She lives with mum and she also says the same that dsd does it when engrossed. We do constantly remind her to go but short of physically standing over her I can't force her to pee, only tp go to the bathroom

back oh for heaven sakes I am allowed to be cross and yes she is in trouble, not for pissing on my bloody sofa buy for not telling me so it has sat there since god alone knows what time this afternoon til I sat down at 1030 to feed my baby

mymatemax Wed 19-Mar-14 23:13:50

The fact that she is embarrassed and hiding it from you surely means she is not doing it deliberately and not for your attention.
Poor girl must be scared stiff.
She obviously isn't in complete control & 8 is a little old to be having just accidents.
Maybe she needs your support, compassion and possibly a professional opinion rather than a bollocking & punishment from you.

morethanpotatoprints Wed 19-Mar-14 23:13:54

Ah, bless her.
The poor kid needs some help, she must be mortified, scared and on her own with this.
I can't imagine how my dd would have felt at this age.
Is nobody addressing this OP?
I won't flame you but think you need to change your attitude.

SantasLittleMonkeyButler Wed 19-Mar-14 23:16:53

I'm sorry, I know this is annoying & I do understand that. However, it does sound like you are being rather extreme over an accident on a sofa sad.

Would you be able to pop a cover on the sofa for now? It does sound like there might be a medical reason for this though, frequent wetting is not that usual at 8 I don't think.

mymiraclebubba Wed 19-Mar-14 23:18:34

For the record I haven't said she is doing it deliberately!!!! She knows she gets into trouble for not telling us so we can clean up not for the wetting.

ajandjjmum Wed 19-Mar-14 23:19:02

I would be reminding her every hour to go to the loo, and quietly explaining that it is not acceptable for this sort of accident to happen regularly at her age. Make sure she goes though - and doesn't get distracted on the way!

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