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Does anybody else yearn for those heady days of freedom?

(8 Posts)
SunshineSailing Wed 19-Mar-14 17:07:47

I don't know if I've got PND but am constantly I'll with chest infections and colds since my DS started at nursery. I don't enjoy the job, just doing it to bring in the money. We've been trying for another baby for 6 months... My DH and I disagree on parenting techniques(his more lassaiz-faire, giving sweets, crisps and tv time to our 17 month old, mine giving love and time, games and healthy food! So I feel I am the only one being responsible all the time-i do everything, cooking, cleaning, shopping, washing, DIY, night time get ups, early mornings, most of the childcare with Ds because he works full time so he's far too tired to help even when I'm ill) so am getting more and more aggravated with him. We live up north away from the fantastic city we lived in for 10 years where I had friends, independence, opportunities... I often listen to the music from better times and wonder what's happened to my life, I'm only early 30s and feel 60, weighed down by the drudge while DH goes cycling, sailing, out with work mates on his time off... I'm a feminist and was a strong, fun person, what's happened to me?! Anyone got any suggestions of breaking out of this and getting back to 'me'?

Trooperslane Wed 19-Mar-14 17:54:05

I was just about to post a

"Wibu to not go to my course and fall asleep in wagamama after copious amounts of wine"

Thread.

No advice but it's bloody full on, isn't it?

Trooperslane Wed 19-Mar-14 17:54:52

Ps definitely see your Dr re ruling out pnd.

And give yourself a break too grin

BotBotticelli Wed 19-Mar-14 19:42:51

Sounds like your DH needs a kick up the backside??

Why are you running yourself into the ground whilst he lives the life of Riley??

Toddlers are HARD work and he needs to pu his weight with the nighttime get ups, early mornings, cleaning and cooking if you are working too.

The 'I work very hard' shit doesn't wash with me...I am a mum to a 15mo DS and I am back at work 4 days per week in a stressful NHS managerial role....let me tell you: being a mum is MUCH harder work than ANY job!!!

Show your OH this link (when a few more people have weighed in with similar opinions) and tell him things have to change. You both need to be spending equal time on 'hobbies'...if he is cycling and sailing at the weekend fine - as long as you also have a couple of 2-3 hour 'breaks' to go for a coffee with a friend, go to the gym, go eat some cake in a cafe with the paper...whatever would help you unwind.

It's tough when they are always ill having started nursery. My DS is the same. Fingers crossed the warmer weather in the summer will give us a rest from these constant colds and coughs.

Smerlin Wed 19-Mar-14 20:08:50

Can you talk to your husband and tell him you really need a break? Can he not take your son on a Sat morn say while you get out of the house ( don't stay in or you'll do housework!)

I don't know what your relationship is like but I would demand at least one morn /afternoon off a week and an evening out a month if he is going out all the time himself.

I had to ask for more help from my DH with our 5 month old. After a great start, his help tailed off- partly due to being tired from work, partly due to just not thinking and partly due to feeling like he wasn't 'as good at it' as me.

I told him he needed to help more and now he does night feeds on his days off and I have 2 spa treatments booked in the coming month! I am also letting him get on with it with the baby, rather than jumping in if he isn't doing sth the way I would and their relationship is blossoming because of the extra time spent together.

If he lets your son watch a bit of TV while you get some R&R time, it's no big deal really. A happy Mum is most important!

mouses Wed 19-Mar-14 21:55:32

its going to sound harsh but now is not the time to ttc with all this goin on? sort out dp's priorities beforehand as it wont get any easier with 2 dc's and a partner out sailing!

also differences in parenting never a good thing, can you come to an agreement on having tv time, sweets being allowed but at a limit? same with the house work, cooking cleaning. it really needs to be a joint effort. you know this, dp knows it - but while your letting him get away with it.. then why not! he needs to get involved.

visit the gp if you worry its pnd. just to get it ruled out.

TerrifiedMothertobe Thu 20-Mar-14 22:43:27

Tell him to pull his finger out of his arse.

I agree, stay at home mum is much harder. I'm currently on mat lave with ds2, and although I have a very demanding career and travel a lot, the juggling of time is not as hard as the brain numbing time at home dealing with mountains of washing, toddler tantrums and general boredom. You need a medal.

Mother's Day is coming , why don't you tell him he can start his parenting by doing nights and let you have a nights sleep, a lie in and breakfast in bed. You might win on one of them anyway.

Pleas get pond checked, you may just be chronically sleep deprived, but....

Bumbershoot Thu 20-Mar-14 22:49:35

Yes I do. Love DCs to pieces but if I could just spend one day in 2010 again that would be nice...

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