Weekend Routines??(26 Posts)
Please share yours!
I'm intrigued as to whether there are many dads out there giving mum a 'morning/afternoon off'...
I'd like DH to take 4 month old DS out for a walk/to playgroup on a Saturday or Sunday. Yes I'd like a lie in but I'd also like to get my hair done once in a while, or shop without the buggy in tow!
How do you work things in your household? Did you ask DH/DP for a break or did they offer???
We don't have set mornings or afternoons and DH would never offer to take the baby. If I did want to go out though and asked him to look after DS he always says yes, I'm never worried to ask him.
In fact I think it's good for both him and DS to spend some time one on one with each without me in the mix.
Normally, DH takes DS (14) to his sport meeting on a sunday morning so I get up early with the baby )5 months) both days.
This is fine until said sport thing is cancelled. Like this weekend, when I was downstairs at 7am despite only getting to sleep at 1am and feeding the baby at 5am. We shall be renegotiating when he gets up. Or when I leave him the baby so I can have a shower in peace!
Interested to see how others do it.
We don't have a weekend routine as such
But no I don't get a morning afternoon or day off!
Dp is around the house a bit more which is nice
It's just usually spent catching up on cleaning, shopping, taking dc to parties etc
Yep, Saturday morning he gets a lie in and Sundays I do.
He takes DS1 to footie in a Saturday morning and sometimes he takes DS2 with him but little one gets grumpy if it's foul weather. DH gets afternoon doing what he wants to do (usually something fixing motorbikes/cars) and Sundays are family day usually.
I never worry about asking if I can go shopping etc without DCs - it's swings and roundabouts.
Would your H ask if he wanted to do something at the weekend? Or just tell you it was happening?
We're trying to get into the habit of DH taking 3yo DD out at the weekend. He usually takes her swimming, but there's a couple of dads only groups (or male carers, eg grandads, etc) at various children's centres near up, so we're going to start that.
I would suggest checking with your local children's centre to see if they've got anything on, and just telling him about it.
Do you think he's nervous about spending some alone time with th baby?
From 6 weeks old dh had dd from about 1.30 on a Saturday afternoon till about 6.
Gave me a break to go out,shop, hair, sit in wine bar readingpapers...anything!
When ds was born 2 years later he had both of them.
I lived for my Saturday afternoons.....we did it for years.
No routine. However we share childcare all week between us depending on who needs to be in office and who can work from home.
So weekend is family time. Out for breakfast together/ visit friends/ go to an attraction/ exhibition/ museum ( London so loads). However our children have 9pm bedtime so wake 9am so no early wakes here to fight over. We agreed very early that we would rather they stay up 2hrs after most that get up 2 hrs earlier! It's far easier to fill the eve at friends/ eating out/ park in summer that what to do at 6/7am
Ok, don't want to be critical, but the way many of these posts are worded has me a bit
It the way you ask dh to have the baby, or he offers to have the baby.
It all sounds as if the baby is your responsibility and dh very generously has baby for an hour or two
The baby is his too. Does he say Can I have a few hours without baby on Saturday to you?
We have always worked it so that when both parents are at home, evenings or weekends, we are both responsible. Our kids are now older (6, 9 and 11) but we have always done this, turns to have a lie- in, whoever is downstairs does breakfast, whoever is home does lunch/games/homework etc.
We plan our own activites in joint consultation, so - I have a hair appointment on Sat, stick it on the calendar, dh doesn't book something at the same time, he needs to go into town for stuff, he gives me a heads up on Friday evening, I have kids while he is out. It isn't really about him going out with kids so I have space, he deals with needs of kids as they arise, and so do I. Because we are joint parenting, the kids don't migrate to me all the time. If I am busy, eg in the garden, I will say to kids, go and ask daddy.
We share the care. So if one of us needs a. Haircut we say, I am planning to get my hair cut on sat morn or meet friends, go for a swim, go to cinema or whatever it is. The other does childcare. We make a list of jobs we need to do over the weekend and try to do all these on Saturday, kids have some clases on a sat as well. On Sunday we have a family day out or meet with friends.
Suggest you say 'next sat morning I am planning on getting my hair done and meeting up with some friends. I am not taking dcs. I will prob be out 9-2. 'Put it on the calendar as a fixed arrangement.
Like steppe mum we have a. Heads up on Friday evening when we make our list, we check calendar before making arrangements. Dh is out with his friends tonight, I was out last weekend with mine. If there is a clash we discuss it.
Stepp, that's kind of what I'm getting at, or what I want to get to...
I can't stand the idea of dads 'babysitting'
However, DH has been less than forthcoming so far, I always seem to end up holding the baby so to speak. While weekends are definitely family time, I never seem to be without DS on me!
We alternate lie ins, dh takes the kids swimming for 2 hours on sat morning while I clean the house. I go to an exercise class Sunday morning. The rest of the weekend is flexible, last week dh went to the pub to watch rugby.
For appointments in town we all go together and do everything that needs doing as it's 45 mins drive each way. Actually no, dh goes on his own sometimes but when it's for me we all go together.
We normally have a calendar check once a week to catch up on what's happening. Seems to work ok
I don't ask permission, but equally, DD is EBF and fed on demand, and currently going through a growth spurt and sleep regression. I can't just drop everything and go out on my own!
Once you're up with the baby you're up, aren't you?!
I would talk about it on a day that isnt the weekend, so he won't be so defensive.
It amazes me that so many women I know that believe they are living as equals to their partners are automatically expected to look after the kids all the time unless their partner does them a 'favour' by looking after their OWN child.
Pre agreeing stuff makes it much less confrontational. We have alternate lie ins, work out who is doing what with the endless sports/parties but also try and do something nice together as a familiy as otherwise it can end up us just passing kids between us.
It was harder when they were babies as they were bf. But even then, dh would bring baby in to me in bed for a feed, go and make me tea, then take fed baby away, shut the bedroom door, and have kid(s) downstairs so I could lie-in. Actually I sat in bed, listened to radio or read last Sunday's newspaper. I had kids on the other weekend morning.
It has required lots of talking over the years. Dh is not a mindreader, and he didn't always understand that the kids were coming to me. He had to be more proactive about saying, I will deal with it.
My DP never offers (I don't think it really occurs to him!) but it always more than happy to look after DD if I want to go and have a haircut, pop to the shops, etc if I ask or remind him. It's swings and roundabouts - I look after her on my own 2 evenings a week - one where he works late and one where goes to yoga. The rest we do together or he might do alone while I prepare dinner. He also goes away on business trips for a week or so a few times a year where I'm on my own, so it's really no big deal for him to have her alone sometimes - it's good for their relationship anyway.
In fact - he has taken her for a walk round to the post office right now, while I have a rare hot cup of tea in peace!
I actually agree with you, Steppemum, but I think your second post where you mention being more proactive is particularly relevant here. There was a thread a while back about the woman always being the pivotal person in the house which relates to this: in other words always having to be the one to seek out/plan activities.
It's not that he doesn't want to do it, or that I have to ask permission, but I have had to track when the dads only sessions are and suggest them when they are on, because its not something he'd think to do himself (yet).
A lot of it is habit. It takes effort to seek out activities, build a routine, and at the weekend it's so easy just to veg on the sofa. The swimming on Sunday looks like becoming a habit already though, because he has seen how much she loves it.
Thanks everyone, you've hit the mailing the head really... I would like him to take the initiative, e.g. take screaming baby for a walk rather than pace the living room. All the direction seems to come from me 'maybe if you take him for a walk he'll nod off'.
I know I spend far more time with DS in the week and it comes more naturally to me, but it's not rocket science!
We are both shift workers (myself part-time, DP full time) so our days off are irregular. Add to that the fact that I work 80-90% of the time DP is off (to avoid childcare costs) our family time is one day every fortnight if we are lucky. 'Individual' time for me is food shopping one evening during the week after DP is home and the kids are asleep. For DP individual time is a 'lads night' out once every two months. There are days when both the kids are at school/nursery at the same time so whoever is home gets a few hours to themselves. DP gets lie-ins whenever he needs as I'm not really fussed about getting up early. If I'm really tired I just go to bed earlier as I know I'll be getting up early regardless of what day it is.
I too hate the notion of DP/DH 'babysitting' but contraversially, I don't feel the constant need for regular, extended breaks from my family. We get so little time together that any time we do have is not 'divided up' into being seperate. Nor could we afford an afternoon of shopping, coffee/meals out or gym trips. I'm not judging anyone elses situation BTW, just saying.
We don't have a set routine - it depends what we have on.
I don't see my dh as 'babysitting' though - ds is our baby so dh is just as responsible for him as I am.
I do more (most) care in the week as I am on maternity leave at the moment so obviously I am home with ds while dh is at work. However, dh always does the morning feed/cuddles while I shower abd do my hair and he plays with ds and does the bedtime feed and into sleeping bag while I sort dinner and have a cup of tea!
If I'm having my hair done at the weekend or need to do other things, dh takes ds along with him without question.
We are both early risers so lie ins don't really happen now ds is sleeping through.
DS is 15 weeks btw.
We don't tend to have a weekend routine as such; the only thing that regularly happens is I go on my own to do the supermarket shopping (easier without the kids and if dh goes he spends an absolute fortune). If I feel like I need an afternoon off I just say I'm going out and go. Dh could do the same but it's very rare that he does.
He doesn't take the initiative and take the kids out by himself but I think that's more because he wouldn't really go anywhere if we had no children.
I know this thread is going to sleep, but I just wanted to come back on and say again, it has taken lots of talking and explaining to dh and the other thing is that it has taken practice in stepping back and letting him take the lead. At times I think we step in and suggest stuff, because we know what will work (if we are with them more during the week)
An example - when dd2 was about 3, she woke up every morning and came into our bed for a cuddle and a chat. Then went downstairs to watch Cbeebies with her sister. After about 20 minutes I would get up, make tea and sit downstairs, dh was asleep. I finally realised that this was massively annoying me. I explained to dh that dd2 completely woke me up when she came in, and sometimes I was really tired and needed to sleep, the point was she always came into my side of the bed and wated to chat with me. He remained asleep throughout. I got up and went downstairs because I was awake. Once I was downstairs, I was then responsible for everyone, breakfast, squabbles etc etc. We negotiated that on Sat he would get up when dd2 came in and take her downstairs, have a cuddle and a chat in the sofa, and leave me in bed. He was then responsible for everyone, and he even brought me a cup of tea! On Sunday I did the same for him.
We are past that stage now, and I am usually first up and leave him to sleep, but that is OK.
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