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Newborn won't be put down, won't lie on back and will only sleep on someone...any advice?

(59 Posts)
highlove Sat 15-Mar-14 00:01:30

Just that really.

My beautiful new DD (dc1) screams if we try to put her down and especially if she's on her back. We've spent the last four nights since she got home taking it in turns to hold her while the other sleeps. We're persevering: get her properly off to sleep and then pop her in her bedside crib but it's getting nowhere - withing five minutes she'll be screaming bloody murder. I think she's too little to just let her cry but I'm at a loss as to what we might try.. It seems to be both being put down and being on her back she hates.

Amy advice on what we might do or try? We can manage for now but when DH goes back to work our current 'shift' system will be much harder. (And we're now bickering because we're both knackered.). Or is this just normal and we're idiotic new parents for thinking she would sleep in a crib?

Any advice or even just sympathy most gratefully received!

5madthings Sat 15-Mar-14 00:04:25

Sounds quite normal!

Can you arrange to co sleep safely?

If she doesn't like lying flat maybe reflux is an issue?

Its very normal fir a newborn to want to be held all the time tho.


DaleyBump Sat 15-Mar-14 00:07:46

Completely normal. I would also look into reflux. You could try elevating the head of her crib and seeing if that helps.

Remembermyname Sat 15-Mar-14 00:08:39

Congratulations!! Dd was a bit like this though, tbf, without the screaming. We had a bedside cot so I used to swaddle her and put her in it to start with, but that only worked for a short time. I then just let her sleep on me and I would either doze or roll her into the cot. It does get better - she started sleeping through the night at 10 weeks so any 'bad habits' didn't stick!!

yellowsnownoteatwillyou Sat 15-Mar-14 00:16:03

For during the day, try putting her in a bean bag, snugly and she won't be flat as you can mold it around her. And get a sling as she may also hate her pram if you have one. If she doesn't mind the pram, let her sleep in that at night. I did it with ds until he was about 8 weeks.
In the crib try raising the end or the mattress and warming it with a hot water bottle. Also get something like a muslin and keep it on you so it smells like you.
These are just ideas you can try, might work might not. But dh and I slept in shifts for a few weeks.

NotAQueef Sat 15-Mar-14 00:23:52

Agree it sounds totally normal (though not necessarily any easier to deal with knowing that). She is so tiny and barely knows she isn't part of you anymore. Being close to you (hearing your heart beat) is a comfort as it's all she's ever known.
Congratulations x

BetterTogether75 Sat 15-Mar-14 00:25:29

It's normal. My DS would only sleep on me when he was very tiny. We mostly co-slept as he would never stay asleep in cot for long.

DaleyBump Sat 15-Mar-14 00:28:34

Also, there is no such thing as a "bad habit" when it comes to newborns. We have co slept and used a sling since day 1 because my DS wouldn't be put down. He's now nearly 4 months and is happy to be away from me for however long (which isn't very long admittedly because he's breastfed) and sleeps for 8 hours in his cot at night. Babies who are given as much contact with their parents as they need are shown to grow up to be perfectly independent, not clingy. Obviously you have to put her down at some point, I just wanted to say it's not a bad thing to hold her.

ThingsThatGoBumpInTheNight Sat 15-Mar-14 00:30:11

Dd had reflux

Invested in a swing (fisher price side to side thing)

Heaven - only just sellin it on again now she 6 months smile

5madthings Sat 15-Mar-14 00:32:36

're bean bags I was told babies can overheat very easily on these, but perhaps advice has changed? Worth checking.

AnythingNotEverything Sat 15-Mar-14 00:34:26

I was going to say exactly what everyone else has said.

Avoid the competitive tiredness. That way madness lies.

Eat takeaway, get a cleaner, accept help, lower your standards. Cuddle your baby.

randomfemale Sat 15-Mar-14 00:37:52

Our twins would sleep on my chest and DH;s chest (would breastfeed from me though smile ) it worked perfectly. They are perfectly healthy and looking at their A level options.

yellowsnownoteatwillyou Sat 15-Mar-14 00:38:57

Never heard of over heating ds has slept in one every day for 8 months, and he's quite a hot baby. He does occasionally get a bit of a sweaty head now if he naps for longer than an hour, but never an issue when he was tiny. He used to lie on a muslin on it, but is on a cellular blanket now.

5madthings Sat 15-Mar-14 01:06:09

A quick Google says nor recommended due to overheating and suffocation risk.

Aids organization says not to use BUT you can buy beanbag that are meant to be for babies... As ling as you are watching them, which you do with a newborn I guess that would be ok? Meh like co sleeping... Do it safely etc!

highlove Sat 15-Mar-14 01:39:48

Thank you - I feel slightly better it's normal though no less tired! But good to know it doesn't necessarily mean I'm going to have a baby that won't sleep till its 12.

I will try the pram instead of the crib and see if that helps. And also whether we can prop it up. I'd already considered reflux actually - she does seem uncomfortable with wind quite a bit. As she's dc1 it's just hard knowing what's normal.

Thanks very much all x

Sunnysummer Sat 15-Mar-14 04:00:30

DS was like this - only slept on my chest. If I have another one like him, we will go with the flow from much earlier on, and stop trying to force the bassinet / pram! He loved the soft sling, so spent almost all day in that and at night slept on my chest and then DH would take him for a couple of hours in the sling before midnight or early in the morning before work, so I could get some deep sleep.

DS had reflux but I also think that plenty of babies just need the physical closeness after 9 months inside. Googling the 4th trimester is very reassuring! Good luck and good sleep - this stage feels eternal but passes so fast when you look back.

fuckwittery Sat 15-Mar-14 04:22:11

It's really common, it's only with dc3 that I stopped worrying about it and just prepared myself for a couple of weeks of sleeping propped up with pillows. Get yourself super comfy with loads of pillows supporting both arms so you can sleep well without fear of dropping dd. And enjoy because actually it goes so fast and then they don't snuggle you and want to sleep on your chest any more and you miss it. I know however it seems you've signed up for a lifetime of never sleeping again.
You mentioned a crib, some babies feel more secure in a Moses basket, or try tightly swaddling and a rolled up towel on either side of baby, like a bolster, so she feels like she's in an enclosed space. I have to admit that I am not sure if this is compliant with current SIDS advice but tiny babies hate feeling like they've got room to flail.

redcaryellowcar Sat 15-Mar-14 04:40:54

Dc2 is 15 days old and i had forgotten how they struggle to sleep alone initially, but from our experience what you describe is really normal and if your dh is fortunate enough to have a couple of weeks off. We found by around day 10, ds was sleeping in short stints in his cot.
Firstly please look up lullaby trust safe sleeping guidelines. Beanbags are most certainly not recommended. And safest place for baby to sleep is in a cot, feet to foot of crib/ cot with flat mattress!
I read on here if you stay awake holding them for around half an hour then they will be in such a deep sleep that you will be able to transfer them to cot. I also made a point of popping dc2 into cot or flat top of pram to nap during the day, again usually once he has fallen asleep on me or feeding, but so he gets used to sleeping flat.
The other thing, i say with caution,:as safer for babies to be too cold than too hot, but make sure they are warm enough. Little babies struggle to regulate body temperature hence they love sleeping on you as you the do this for them, but i tried putting ds2 into long sleep vest and sleepsuit (as opposed to short sleeve vest) in the hope his arms are a bit warmer?!i also used a hot water bottle to warm up his bed but obviously removeud it before he gets into cot.
My dh andci too ended up bickering with tiredness, i agree totally with pp who said just worry about the three of you eating and sleeping, visitors can wait as can housework etc. If you have close family or friends who could bringcyou ready made supper or come to help not just hold the baby then enlist them!

mnistooaddictive Sat 15-Mar-14 05:36:12

Dd1 was like this. We swaddled her and then put her in the pram and walked, for up to 20 minutes until she was asleep. We then carried the carrycot bit if the pram upstairs to our bedroom. She would stay asleep for 4 hours then, and after a feed would go back to sleep easily.

YuccanLiederHorticulture Sat 15-Mar-14 05:58:11

Yep sounds pretty normal. Use slings (for a newborn a mobywrap type is better than a babybjorn type) and cover the night in shifts. It won't last for ever but she's only very recently been born. In a few weeks time she'll be a bit more settled and it won't be so bad.

Wuxiapian Sat 15-Mar-14 06:08:37

My DD, 4 weeks, hated being on her back.

I now put her on her front to sleep and she seems much happier.

Stubbed Sat 15-Mar-14 06:12:36

Sounds like reflux. Take to the GP. If it is, some meds could make all the difference overnight. And get a sling

EmmaFreudsGivingMeJip Sat 15-Mar-14 06:21:38

my 5 week old is the same. saw GP today who confirmed reflux and gave gaviscon.
we have 'Ewan the dream sheep' it glows and makes womb/white noise sounds which helps him drift off. we have also propped up the moses basket and swaddle him otherwise he won't be put down. sometimes a dummy helps him fall asleep - he spits it out when he is fast asleep.

Anchorage Sat 15-Mar-14 06:28:09

DC2 was like this, had mild reflux. We ended up buying an ?Amby? Baby Hammock for sleeping which worked a treat (but v expensive, especially if you've just shelled out for a cot and everything)

thegreatgatsby101 Sat 15-Mar-14 06:40:16

Totally normal. She's spent 9 months inside you and wants to be close to you. Enjoy it smile

My DC hated sleeping on his back. He's slept on his tummy for 9 months now ;)

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