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can i have some opinions on moving with kids

(8 Posts)
mouses Fri 14-Mar-14 12:34:12

Im looking for some peace of mind or an eye opener.

I live in lovely new built maisonette, it has a communal garden that leads off the living room. ive lived in the area 14yr this august. moving 3 times in that space, yet stayed in the area - literally across the road every time!

so, ive been looking to exchange for a house so kids and I can have our own private space/garden. now an exchange has become available and im having doubts as to wether its for the best?

its far enough to have to change schools etc.

my thoughts are conflicting and my brain is going into meltdown. the kids are happy here (I think?) ive not had no complaint from them. they go out into the communal garden and has friends on tap. ....

the down side is, their kids take your kids stuff, there can be the odd argument/debate over kids/toys... the other kids knock on the back door or evening just open it! ive had polite words with the parents but kids don't listen. (I must add here that I have mental health issues and dont handle confrontation well)

don't have privacy, kids walk into your patio or linger around. I might just be a personal thing as it doesn't bother the other neighbours? must be me?
so for me, moving would remove all these 'niggles' plus dd (3.5yrs) keeps asking for a ''trampoline garden'' BUT .... BUT then I fear I will get this private garden - with trampoline hmm and they will have no one to enjoy it with? unlike what they have now? just don't know whats for the best????

there are other pro and cons that I can include if anyone wants to talk to me about it? if I put it all in opening post it would be too long

mouses Fri 14-Mar-14 12:43:17

there is no bikes or ball games allowed in the communal, the curfew is 9pm due to noise, people complaining etc.... but mine are in bed at this time so doesnt bother me, the summer hols was abit stressful as they had to be in at 9pm yet it was still warm and light enough to enjoy the fresh air.

flip side - private garden, do kids sit out in the garden if theres no one (friends) out there to sit with? so im thinking what the difference would be?

nldm1 Fri 14-Mar-14 18:29:49

I like my privacy, so I'd say move.
I moved house and school a lot as a kid due to my dads job and it was always presented as an adventure. I don't think kids should be moved around too much, but just the once, and with so many benefits, I can't really see the down side.
We have 2 DC and a privite driveway and garden. The kids play together and have friends over every few weeks as a treat. They're happy with this and I think the fact that they have this time, just the two of them, has helped make them good friends and playmates with each other.
I can understand your reservations if your children seem happy with their current living arrangement, but kids take their cues from you and if you present the move in the right way then all should go smoothly.
I think it's also worth bearing in mind that because kids do take their cues from you, if you're not happy with your current living arrangement, they will start to pick up on this at some point.
A move sounds like it could be best all round.

mouses Fri 14-Mar-14 19:08:49

hi, thanks for your reply.

I was worried about them going from having so many kids/friends around them to none until they make new ones.
the kids know of my health and understand I wont go outside in the communal garden, this dont stop them having fun.

the more I think about it the worse I feel, as the kids are fine and im uprooting them for my selfishness?

ive moved many times but this one seems to be daunting! the fact ive got to change everything they know quite scary sad
im terrible for living by ''what ifs'' what if I move and get nasty neighbours, what if the move upsets the kids, what if being in a new area is too much for me to cope with..

my dd is so settled in her nursery and loves going to see her teachers, im allowed to go in while she hangs her coats, puts name card away etc I worry if the other school doesn't do this?

I know loads of families do it, im sure i'll be fine. just need re-assurance I guess?

nldm1 Fri 14-Mar-14 19:24:25

If you're after reassurance on things like neighbours, school/nursery routines etc. The best way to get this is to do some research.
There's nothing wrong with ringing or visiting people and places up, saying you're thinking of moving to the area and asking if they would reccomend such a move/asking about anything you have concerns about. This might be a good way to get a feel for your prospective neighbours also.
I don't know how far away/easily accessible this new place is to you, but nurseries and schools would be happy to show you and your children around so that you can get a feel for them.
You are considering what is best for your children and a move is a completely viable option, so you really shouldn't feel bad or like you're being selfish.
What's on offer is a different way of living, not necessarily better or worse, just a different option. Unfortunately, the only real way to know if the move will make you all happy is to go for it and find out as you go. The next best thing though, is reasearch, research and more research.
Don't make any firm decision either way until you've leart all you can.

mouses Fri 14-Mar-14 19:54:01

I did look up the schools in the area, the closest one had a bad report from Ofsted, so id be looking at going to the one further out - im used to opening my front door and the school is across the road wink

my eldest is in secondary school and they were abit far out and I don't know the area so we'd both be lost lol. ive spent the evening on google maps but its lines and dots and probably look further than it is?

I think, I will need to get the bus (don't drive) down there one day and get lost wonder around.

nldm1 Fri 14-Mar-14 20:53:48

Good plan. Get a feel for the area before you decide :-)
Re. Ofsted reports, I can't help thinking it's better to visit a school to get a real feel for it.
The local school that our two DC go to really had to fight for a "good" report last time round, but it's such a friendly, happy school that I wouldn't have even considered them going elsewhere whatever report Ofsted gave them.
I hope your explorations clear things up for you in regards to making a decision.
Good luck

mouses Fri 14-Mar-14 20:59:43

thanks for your time to chat, its helped just talking it out with some one smile x

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