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Son very clingy with his dad- advice please, or convince me it's a phase!!

(11 Posts)
shalalalalalalala Thu 13-Mar-14 15:26:01

DS (18 months) is horribly clingy with his dad. If DH is about, DS will go to no-one else. All we hear is "DaddeeeDaddeeeeeDaddeeeeDaddeee...". If he puts him down, or passes him to anyone else (including me!), it is hysterics. On the other hand, once DH has left for work and I've distracted DS from being upset, we have a lovely time together.

It's been a long phase (since christmas) so would like some advice on how to deal with it. I find it extremely hurtful that I'm rejected as soon as DH walks through the door, particularly at weekends as I feel pushed out. My DH doesn't enjoy it either - he gets a whingey whiny limpet, whereas I get a lovely independent playful toddler. It's embarrassing when he does it in front of other people too, I feel like a proper crap mother. Has anyone got through this?

For info- I work part-time (3 days p/w) so I get 2 days on my own with him plus weekends, DH works full-time but always sees DS in the morning and evening (he often does breakfast or bath and bed).

ZebraZeebra Thu 13-Mar-14 17:28:59

I really think this is a phase they all go through and I am expecting the same to happen with my DS. You're their whole world for months upon months, but then they start to realise Daddy is a little different, Daddy has this or that and suddenly, Daddy is like a god! My son is already fascinated and a little obsessed with DH - when he's in the room, DS can't take his eyes off DH. He's become particularly fascinated with how daddy stands up to wee grin

Seriously though, I know it's hurtful but it's to be expected. DH was quite hurt, I think, when DS just wanted me allllllllllllll the time. Now the tide is turning and I have to suck it up a little. Try not to feel rejected, I know it's hard but it's wonderful your DS loves his parents so much!

goshhhhhh Thu 13-Mar-14 17:38:36

It is a phase. Mine is 7 now & he constantly changes allegiances. I am the favourite at the moment. I'm not sure which is best;-)

stargirl1701 Thu 13-Mar-14 17:41:05

DD has been a Daddy's girl since the very beginning. No sign of any change to me and we're now at 18 months!

shalalalalalalala Thu 13-Mar-14 19:12:16

I'm glad this is 'normal' but I do find it so hurtful. He just changes into this whiny brat when DH is around. He just isn't like that with me. I know it is good that I get the better side of him, but sometimes it just really gets me down.

Eletheomel Thu 13-Mar-14 20:12:50

If its any consolation, my son was like this with his daddy until about 20 months when he suddenly switched affections to me and wouldn't let daddy do anything for about 8 months until we eventually started forcing him to let us do alternate bedtimes. I was also hurt at the time, and felt I had maybe let DH do too much with him (as I was bfeeding so wanted to make sure he had loads of quality time), then one day, it was all 'mummy, mummy, mummy' and while it was great at first, after 4 months of being the only go to parent, I wasn't quite as keen.... :-D

stargirl1701 Thu 13-Mar-14 20:27:03

DH was holding DD recently and I went to kiss him. DD pushed my face away with her hand and said No! grin

Metalhead Fri 14-Mar-14 07:44:32

Afraid my DD has ways been a daddy's girl too and she's nearly 4 now! It is a bit better now she's older and you can reason with her (to an extent), but she still wants to play with DH from the moment he gets up until bedtime at the weekend, whereas when she's with me she'll quite happily entertain herself for a while.

I don't think there's much you can do tbh but hope it passes, and if not make the most of it and read a book at the weekend! smile I think part if our problem is that DH has always been the fun parent and finds it quite hard to say no to DD, whereas I have been telling her I can't play with her every minute of the day for years.

I used to find it really upsetting too when she didn't want me, but now she tells me she loves me and gives me kisses and cuddles I can cope with not being the most popular parent... just hang in there, I'm sure it will get better in time!

shalalalalalalala Fri 14-Mar-14 08:55:58

Thanks everyone. I just rack my brain over what I could do differently. I try to let them spend quality time together on their own but maybe I help too much. As Metalhead says, DH gets to be the fun one whereas I'm the boring but dependable one I suppose. I guess we are in this situation as I've had to find ways to get things done so DS has had to entertain himself while I prepare food, tidy up or whatever. If he's screaming because he's hungry, he has to scream until it is ready because I'm not holding him and a boiling pan of water at the same time! When DH is around, he entertains DS whilst I prepare food, tidy up or whatever. If he screams, he gets picked up and cuddled. Similarly, with naps - I can put him down, say goodnight, and walk out. DH cuddles him to sleep.

I know, logically, that I have the best end of this stick. It still makes me want to cry just thinking about it. Kids eh! You can't do anything right wink

Eletheomel Fri 14-Mar-14 11:19:32

shallalalal stop berating yourself, there's not much you can do and its not personal. I was never one for hoursework so was always playing with DS1 (I only work mornings) so it's not as if DH was the 'fun parent' in our house, and I always cuddled/fed my son to sleep. But kids go through phases of parental preference. DS1 is aged 4 now and his preference can last for hours rather than days or months but they're still there, sometimes he only wants daddy, sometimes mummy.

As a parent you just have to roll with the punches, you know he loves you and that shoudl be enough, you cant expect your child to reassure you, it's your job to reassure him!

Playitagainsam Fri 14-Mar-14 13:04:10

I can totally sympathise, in our house it's my MIL who is number one, she looks after DD during the week and when she's around I am totally ignored/told to go away etc. Even if she hurts herself she wants MIL and not me. But when MIL's not there, I'm back in favour again. I thought it was a phase, but it's been a long while now so I am resigned to living with it! I also beat myself up that it's because I went back to work etc., but even when I recently had a week home with her, as soon as MIL turned up I was dumped immediately again.
It is really hurtful but there's very little you can do and it's not your fault. Give it time and it may all change again!

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