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She lets our boys become addicted to IPad etc

(7 Posts)
rb512022 Tue 11-Mar-14 20:44:00

Hi....I don't know how to get out of this mess.

I posted a few months back about my wife letting our 6yo go on his Nintendo and IPad constantly up to 4 hours on a weekday and a lot more on a weekend....We were haing massive arguments. she said he enjoys it and there is no problem.....I am the opposite don't mind any technology as long as it's limited to say 1 hr a day for example and it goes along with good behavior blah blah blah.

Well my wife won't compromise one inch so it has cost us our marriage...We have split up selling the House and she has asked for a divorce. We are still living together with our 3 children 2,6 and 12 and have barely spoke for 2 month......she even let's the 12 yo have unlimited iPad in the bedroom non stop.....The only time I see her is when she comes down from her bedroom to say goodnight......it's unreal I am not allowed to challenge anybody whatsoever.

I try to get them to do activities games etc all the time but they are not interested as they have she pad etc.....She just cause a scene and tantrums and my wife says I cannot make them do what they don't want to do etc.

Every night is the same.....Kids come in from school and she let's have the technology immediately non stop until they go to bed......they even have the pads whilst having dinner.......and when she puts the 6 Yo to bed she lets him watch pad in bed for half an hour!!!!!!

She says the kids can stop with me every Tuesday night and every other weekend in our future custody arrangement....I am moving out of the house I built!!!! Into rented in approx 3 weeks

I am in total despair and pain as all the nights they are not with me I will just picture them sat at home wasting their time for hours on end on a bloody screen

I asked for 50/50 joint custody but she said no chance as she has invested more time than me when bringing them up.......yes that's true I suppose but that was the arrangement.... I work full time she works part time .....very very normal in my book ...I still love them as much as she does.

I funded 90% of the house build so she says she she will just take her 10% back in the divorce if I agree to her custody schedule which is a pittance of what I am used to seeing them.......so basically blackmailed.

Once I am away from the kids I worry about what quality of life they are going to have........It hurts like crazy don't know what to do for the best.

We have been together for 8 years married for 3.....both our young boys are mine and the 12yo is my wifes daughter from a previous.......my wife lost her mum a year ago and she has never been the same since.....She says life is too short for rules and boundarys and she now it's this line out for every situation......drives me mad.

How do I look after my kids????????????help my 2yo is now also starting o get addicted to the pads......when I take it off the 6 yo it's like world war bloody 3......but I only do this when my wife is not around otherwise she would kick off with me or just sit there saying nothing whilst my darling son thinks I am some kind of Monster who just wants to spoil his fun.

Aghhhhhhhhh it's lose lose every where I look

Eletheomel Tue 11-Mar-14 21:21:46

If you want 50:50 custody, fight for 50:50 custody, they're your kids as much as hers - try not to get caught up in the inevitable money battles that divorce brings, focus on your kids - call her bluff on the blackmail.

It's unlikely you and your ex will ever agree on screen time, but at least when you have them, you can try and balance their days a bit more.

I'm sorry your relationship hasn't worked out :-(

FondantFancies Wed 12-Mar-14 11:38:40

That does sound awful! No advice but just commiserations.

LingDiLong Wed 12-Mar-14 13:46:36

I agree, if you feel that 50/50 would be best for the kids then you should aim for that. Get that sorted first would be my advice - don't agree to only seeing them a small amount as once that contact schedule is bedded in it's difficult to change. My brother has 50/50 contact with his kids, despite him being the one who worked full time and his wife staying home with the kids and 50/50 or thereabouts seems pretty normal with lots of parents these days.

IAmNotAPrincessIAmAKahleesi Wed 12-Mar-14 13:53:19

Are you able to manage 50/50 around your work? Often one night during the week and every other weekend works well because both parents get a full weekend with the dc, but if 50/50 would be possible then go for that

But when the dc are with your ex unless they are in danger how she parents is up to her, how you parent when they are with you is totally up to you

Timetoask Wed 12-Mar-14 14:23:36

I remember your original post, I am so sorry your wife has been so unreasonable.
I think maybe you should contact a lawyer to get come professional advice. In your shoes I would do everything in my power to prove that she is not a fit parent, she shouldn't have the majority of custody when clearly she is not putting any effort in parenting the children and is abandoning them to the ipads. Lazy woman.

BookABooSue Wed 12-Mar-14 15:04:49

For the sake of your dcs, can you please stop fixating on the screen time issue and stop portraying your ex as an evil person?

I'm sorry your relationship has broken down. From a legal perspective, you need to see a solicitor. Your first thread said your ex was the primary care giver and you weren't able to provide more parenting support because of your work, if that has all changed then by all means apply for 50/50 custody.

I do think you should consider counselling to help you come to terms with the breakdown of your relationship. You are still going to have a relationship with your ex because of your children and you need to gain some perspective on the issues that you perceive caused the split. Lots of posters gave good advice and different perspectives on your first thread and you were quite resistant. If you do care about your dcs (and I'm not questioning that you do) then you need to stop focusing on screen time and start building a good co-parenting relationship with your ex. If you can't do that on your own then go to mediation or a counsellor to get the help you need. Longterm that will have a much more beneficial effect on your dcs' development than fighting with your ex about screen time. And, as someone said upthread, you can provide lots of alternatives to screen time when your dcs are with you.

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