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I don't like my 3yr old

(54 Posts)
endlessshame Sun 09-Mar-14 20:43:46

I've name changed for this as I'm so ashamed.

I have 3 yr old DS and a 1 yr old DD.

I am just having the worst time being kind to DS right now. I find his behaviour so hard to tolerate - even though I am sure he is actually quite a good boy. His constant whinging about being allowed a snack or watching a DVD winds me up no end (just for 2 examples). I have got down to his level, I have calmly explained, I have told him I will answer the whinging once and then if he keeps asking the same question he will get ignored etc. It just never ends though. Every morning I think that I will do better and be more patient that day and then within about 3 minutes of him getting up I am moaning at him for not watching where he is going and standing on his sister, not listening, snatching toys etc etc. I find it hard to bear the physical nature of him too - he's always bashing into me, standing on me, accidentally hurting me with stuff

It feels like I am just constantly getting wound up by him. And I know I'm the adult and I ought to do better. He has now started arguing black is white now. We were driving to pre-school the other day and he said "mummy this isn't the way to pre-school", so I reply "yes it is" and then he just keeps saying "no it isn't" over and over. And that sounds so daft now written down but it gets under my skin until I am biting my tongue not to shout at him to shut up. That's horrible isn't it.

I'm not depressed. Im not particularly sleep-deprived. I take him out to the woods to run about loads. This hasn't started since DD arrived, its just the past few months. We do stuff just the 2 of us - but its getting to the point now id rather he just spent time with DH as I have no patience.

I actually feel worse for having written all thatsad

EatShitDerek Sun 09-Mar-14 20:47:20

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bowlersarm Sun 09-Mar-14 20:49:38

It'll get easier. My DS was hard work at that age, and I just focused on being the best mum to him that I could, so that we would have the possibility of a good relationship in the future. He's 18 now and we have an amazing relationship. We are very close.

I hope someone can give you some practical advice, but hang on in there.

Catnuzzle Sun 09-Mar-14 20:52:04

I thought it was DD1 I didn't like and felt guilty for loving DD2.
Now DD1 is 5 and DD2 is 3, I realise it's 3 year olds I don't like. grin

louloutheshamed Sun 09-Mar-14 20:52:38

I feel pretty much as you describe with my 3yo. I was wistfully looking at photos of him at 18mo and thinking how sweet and cuddly he was whereas he's now like a surly, sullen teenager. I know exactly what you mean about the physical stuff too- its hard. His brother is 6mo and not a bit of bother- but I just think 3 must be a difficult age!!

Having said that, ds1 is frequently hilarious and bright and affectionate- I just try to focus on the positives and when I feel like in going to lose it with him just act faux silly and breezy and soon the annoyance passes.

I know exactly how you feel though.

CharlieWoo Sun 09-Mar-14 20:53:28

I feel exactly the same with 4 year old DD. I feel bad too.

BuzzardBird Sun 09-Mar-14 20:57:04

Try and change your behaviour and see how it affects his behaviour. He is reacting to what he is receiving from you. I know it is hard at that age, it really is but how about having a laugh about his constant questioning instead of getting wound up? Saying something like "Oh no, he is saying it again!" and then changing the subject or even giving yourself a break sometimes by letting him watch a DVD? Try and make his childhood happy and you will be happier and less stressed too.

Endlessshame Sun 09-Mar-14 21:00:33

It doesn't help that DD is at a very lovely age and no trouble at all just now

buzzard I try to make him as happy as I possibly can. He has restricted DVDs due to hearing and speech issues so I try to let him only have 1a week. That has been the rule since he was 2.

CoffeeChocolateWine Sun 09-Mar-14 21:04:32

3 is such a difficult age and it will get easier. This is a brilliant book. Someone recommended to me when I was close to reaching the end of my tether with my DS when he was this age and it helped enormously, especially with behaviour like whinging, whinging, rudeness and answering back.

Steben Sun 09-Mar-14 21:13:22

It might be hard right now because dd is of an age where she is doing stuff and commanding attention? Dd1 was the same I think - hang in there OP X

cashewfrenzy Sun 09-Mar-14 21:14:42

What Catnuzzle said. I had nothing but battles with DS when he was 3 - moaning, whingeing, arguing, huffing, stropping, fake wailing in shops, the lot. I felt like everyone stared at me because I walked round the town with him following 5 yards behind me, snivelling, for a year. It was shit.

Now DS is 6 and he's quite pleasant company. He witters on about nothing in particular all day long and makes me want to hit my head off hard things just to break the monotony of wittering but it's all cool. DD, however, is 3. She is exactly as horrible as he was at this age. Probably worse. I'm clinging to the knowledge that it's a phase and it'll pass eventually.

The terrible two thing is all a crock of shit. Three year olds are sent to break you. Just keep doing what you're doing and one day you'll be having a conversation with him and you'll suddenly realise your teeth aren't gritted. Hang on in there.

PseudoBadger Sun 09-Mar-14 21:19:33

My DS is exactly the same!
This was today ALL DAY - "Why are we going this way? Why mummy? This is the wrong way mummy! Why we going up the stairs? This isn't the way mummy! No it's not. No it's not. Can I have an ice cream? Ice cream! I want ice cream! This isn't the way to get ice cream!"

louloutheshamed Sun 09-Mar-14 21:27:30

Yy about the terrible twos!! I smugly thought we had got away without going through them- my ds was a delightful 2yo who never had a tantrum.

Then he turned 3 and omg I am not so smug any more grin

dramajustfollowsme Sun 09-Mar-14 21:29:40

My nearly 3yo has been doing my head in too. I thought it was due to the fact I'm 24wks pregnant, big, sore and tired.
The way that she talks to me is unbelievable. There is going to be a hole in the ground where she sits on the naughty step.
She can be lovely too but mainly self-centred and convinced she is right all the time.

lifesobeautiful Sun 09-Mar-14 21:59:36

I know exactly how you feel!! I felt dreadful on Friday because after a morning of whinging and fake crying and accidentally hurting me (I actually have bruises!) or my DD I totally lost it with him when he followed me into DD's room shouting at me for some programme while I was trying to put her down for her sleep - and I ROARED at him - GET OUT!!! I then told him to 'shut up' and not talk to me as I needed to take a break and have a cup of tea. I then proceeded to ignore him for about 10 minutes. I basically sulked with a child!! And I hate the expression shut up and cannot believe I used it on him! Very ashamed of myself..

However, I recovered, he calmed down and we proceeded to have a lovely cuddly very fun afternoon and all was well again. Lots of ups and downs. I find him trying to the point I feel I'm literally going to SCREAM and throw things with irritation, then I just want to kiss him and cuddle him till he can't breathe the next. NOT an easy age. So, sorry, not much advice - just empathy and hang in theres!!!

(PS - I'm sure you try to make his childhood happy?! Don't worry about that comment!)

FadBook Sun 09-Mar-14 22:05:39

Ditto everything you described with 2.6 year old dd

I didn't want to spend time with her this weekend as Shea whined and whined.

This too will pass!

MarvellousMabel Sun 09-Mar-14 22:10:14

Checking in here too.

I said to DP that "I'll give xp three hundred quid a month and he can have the pair of them" blush.

End. Of. Tether. Reached.

nailslikeknives Sun 09-Mar-14 22:10:22

3year olds are sooooooo hard. I dunno about girls, but my boys 1 and 3, have a ridiculous amount of energy.
I know you have concerns, but can you spread out the DVD stuff so it's maybe 1/2 hour a day? That is a perfectly reasonable (saintly) amount of TV. And it's not for them, it's so you can have a cuppa/solo toilet visit? My 3yr old watches about 40 mins a day of good quality telly, alphablocks, numtums, Thomas the wretched tank engine, it's a total life saver! If you get a bit of a break, it's easier to be nicer afterwards, so win win really?

I agree with the poster who said they hate 3 year olds, on the plus side, they'll soon be 4!!

Endlessshame Mon 10-Mar-14 06:14:03

You all have made me feel a lot better. I'm lying here resolving that I'll do better today mainly because he's at pre-school all day

MyNameIsKenAdams Mon 10-Mar-14 06:21:15

Oh dear. My second is due just before dd turns three......this is going to be hard isnt it?!

Slapperati Mon 10-Mar-14 06:58:00

I didn't enjoy the 3s much either. I found making a game of everything worked sometimes - e.g. "This isn't the way to pre-school Mummy" - "That's right diddums, we're not going to pre-school we're going to the moon, where the space dinosaurs live."

You have my sympathies.

QOD Mon 10-Mar-14 07:05:40

Mine was fine at 3, I'd rather not talk about 12 to 14 though!

This too shall passs

atthestrokeoftwelve Mon 10-Mar-14 07:11:14

"It feels like I am just constantly getting wound up by him. And I know I'm the adult and I ought to do better. He has now started arguing black is white now. We were driving to pre-school the other day and he said "mummy this isn't the way to pre-school", so I reply "yes it is" and then he just keeps saying "no it isn't" over and over. "

While I don't agree with the comment from slapperati which is thinly veiled sarcasm, I can't see the need to argue over such things.
Your son can't argue "black and white" on his own- that takes two.

You can state once then if he persists calmy accept the fact that he thinks you are going the wrong way- that's fine- he is entitled to his view.
There is no need to argue or try to get him to change his mind, just back off and agree to disagree- it's really no big deal.
It taked two to argue and you are the parent- keeping your cool is the key.

Endlessshame Mon 10-Mar-14 08:11:12

I didn't argue back FWIW - he just sat there and kept saying "this is the wrong way" getting more and more irate with every turn I made. I had calmly pointed out it was the right way. He just carried on and on and on saying it.
That's the point I was making - I should just let it wash over me, but I can't!

Endlessshame Mon 10-Mar-14 08:12:08

If I told him anything jokey like we were off to see space dinosaurs he would then get upset that there wasn't any or he'd then keep asking where they were etc

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