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Does being with my baby every day make her less happy?

(18 Posts)
Hotmad Fri 07-Mar-14 16:36:49

I was told by a woman that in her experience a mother should leave the baby with family regularly as then she will become happier and more confident as she grows up. Is this true do you think? I think she meant that otherwise the chill becomes too dependent on mum and not able to go off on her own and do things ....

TerrariaMum Fri 07-Mar-14 16:52:13

I think that depends entirely on the baby's personality. My experience isn't extensive, my eldest is only three. She spent most of her baby time with me, but will still go off happily with one of our friends or play quietly on her own.

For her, I think, knowing I'm there frees her to do her own thing and makes her more secure. But that is my DD. I wouldn't presume to say anything about anyone else's children.

AngryPrincess Fri 07-Mar-14 17:29:45

No, I think they really have to bond with the mother and have a secure emotional base. BUT, if leaving your baby for a short time makes you feel better and more relaxed, then your baby will be happier.

Hotmad Fri 07-Mar-14 19:18:37

She's only 3 months and I hate leaving her and haven't really for more than 2 hours since she was born!

Theyaremysunshine Fri 07-Mar-14 19:43:51

Unless her experience is as a child psychologist, with evidence to back up that ridiculous comment, I'd smile sweetly and ignore.

Of course you don't have to leave your 3 month old baby!

Eletheomel Fri 07-Mar-14 20:11:47

Total bollocks if you ask me, I barely left my son's side for his first year and he was perfectly happy. He also settled happily at the childminder when I went to work, a few tears the first two days on being left, but by the end of the week he was happily dropped off.

I think a lot of it does depend on the childs personality.

In addition, I think spending more time with their primary carer gives babies a sense of security that helps them cope with strange situations when they're older.

Casmama Fri 07-Mar-14 20:15:44

One thing that helps as your children grow is that you confidence to say "fuck off and mind your own business" does too. Or you could just smile and nod.
I think people often come out with pretty random theories about children which may or may not have ant basis in reality- make the choices you are comfortable and stick with them.

lola88 Fri 07-Mar-14 20:29:24

It depends on the child and the parent I'm happy to have DS go away and he's happy to go but I would imagine if you are stressed at the thought and anxious about it it would rub off on your child. There is nothing wrong with letting your baby stay with trusted family there is nothing wrong with keeping them. Some people need to validate their own decisions by telling everyone the million and 1 reasons they were right to do so, most of the people who feel this need are people who question their decisions.

CPtart Fri 07-Mar-14 20:43:51

If I'd have had family who were willing to take DC off me regularly I'd have tested that theory with pleasure!

Paintyfingers Fri 07-Mar-14 20:44:58

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TerrariaMum Fri 07-Mar-14 21:23:37

If your dd is only 3 mo, I revise my earlier answer. That woman is talking rubbish. 3 mo is barely out of the womb. Of course you don't want to leave her and neither does she want to leave you. Your job at this stage is to snuggle and cuddle as much as you want. Plenty of time for independence later.

DirtyDancing Fri 07-Mar-14 22:55:31

There is no way, leaving a 3 months old baby, is going to equate to his/ her confidence later in life. its a defenceless little baby which requires its mummy as someone who's smell and face they recognise for security and comfort. You build babies confidence in other ways at that age, the ability to self sooth, talking to them to enable them to communicate, allowing them to 'play' independently.

Do what you feel happy with and never let someone tell you to leave your bubba if you don't want to smile

Nocomet Fri 07-Mar-14 23:21:28

DD1 was happier if we went places with other babies and toddlers together as she got bored sat in her bouncy chair before she could crawl.

Once she could crawl she was far too busy getting into things she shouldn't to care which adult was saying no, put it down, that's not a toy, no you can't climb that!

By 18 months DD2 absolutely loved her day at nursery, she certainly got fed up of me!

(No family close by).

GoodEggy Fri 07-Mar-14 23:27:11

Utter, utter rubbish. There's lots of evidence to suggest exactly the opposite. Babies want their mothers. End of.

stowsettler Sat 08-Mar-14 06:47:12

My DD had her first night away at 6 weeks - out of necessity. She's always had fairly regular nights away since then and she's just turned 1.
She has always been demonstrably independent, not really liking cuddles and being far happier off doing her own thing. Now she' s walking she's even more intent on doing jer own thing and is very happy to stay at Granny's.
But there's no mistaking who her mother is. She is still clearly attached to me - but on an elastic string of her own making. So IME it makes no difference at all, but I accept that this is entirely because of DD's personality.

TamerB Sat 08-Mar-14 06:56:56

You will hear no end if rubbish from people in the next few years, get used to the idea of - smile, nod, ignore.
It is a good idea for older children but not babies.

MarlenaGru Sat 08-Mar-14 07:03:28

I never left my DD for more than a couple of hours until she was 9 months old (bottle refusing breast feeder) and then she went to nursery 4 days a week. We socialised a lot at baby groups, visited friends etc but I didn't have to leave her. She is extremely outgoing and sociable at nearly 6. She will stay over anywhere without me quite happily.

I do think socialising is important. My DN is nearly 2 and only saw SIL for 9 months. As a result she cries when SIL looks away or if anyone including close family talks to her. She recently started nursery but still lacks social interaction except with other children.

blueberryupsidedown Mon 10-Mar-14 20:09:01

I'm a child-minder and I've had experience of both. One little girl I looked after from 6 months old, the parents had no family around and the baby had never been left with anyone - she never cried when left with me, she was sociable, happy and settled. I have also had one little girl who was terribly shy when she started, took ages to settle, she cried a lot her first few settling in hours. And she had lots of family around. It is so much part of their personality. But I do think that socialising is important, seeing other people, discovering new sounds, voices, cuddles. You don't necessarily have to leave her with anyone though.

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