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How to manage conversation with mother of boy who is not getting on with my son

(2 Posts)
Victoria72 Fri 07-Mar-14 11:58:14

Hello, forgive me if this has been discussed before. My son has a friend who is behaving rudely towards him (and me) and is saying some mean things. My son is not in the least bit phased by this or interested. This boy was friends with other boys who now spend a bit more time with my son instead. I'm not sure if it's a jealousy thing but the boys are saying that this kid has changed since he joined secondary school and they don't really bother with him too much (they are in year 7). Whereas most kids will just say "go away....(name)" my son will respond with a cutting remark or something sarcastic. Clearly this boy doesn't like this and he has said he is going to stay away from my son - which would be great - but he doesn't. He keeps coming up to him saying insulting things. Andnow he has obviously said something to his mother.

Now the mother of this boy, who is a friend of mine, is coming around this afternoon to discuss this. I like the mother but she tends to be very controlling and gets her own way in her home. She will find the opposite in mine... Personally I think 12 year old boys should be able to sort out their own grieveances (within reason of course, i.e. if it's bullying (been there) or physical etc. then I will step in without question), and this situation is clearly just sour grapes that will no doubt ripen over time.

However, any advice in dealing with the mother? My son does not instigate these situations, he merely responds to them, but he gives as good as he gets - he has been taught to stand up for himself. What should I say to her? Help. I don't want to ruin any friendships. Thanks!

perfectview Fri 07-Mar-14 12:19:42

I have a similar problem with a friend of DD1's - except they are 5 and the mum isn't coming round to discuss it.

I would wait and see what the mum says to be honest as you don't know what story this boy has told.

If the other boy is upset by the things your son is saying then say you will ask your son to stop and keep away from him and suggest your friend advises the same to her son - hopefully if they both do that then there will be no more problems.

It sounds to me as if this boy feels left out and is playing up to get attention and going about it the wrong way. In which case his mother
might be coming to ask if you can encourage your son to be more friendly. He has probably told her he is being left out. In this case I think it is OK to say that your son just responds to things her son says and give examples.

In DDs case her 'friend' says she won't play with her anymore etc if she doesn't do what she tells her to. I had to remind DD that she didn't want to play with this girl anyway so problem solved!

If your son is happy and not instigating then I agree that at 12 they should be able to leave each other alone or behave in a civil way to each other at least.

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