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Would or has anyone else left their baby for so long?

(56 Posts)
Avenahoo Thu 06-Mar-14 12:59:30

I am feeling so torn as we have our honeymoon in September, dream trip for 10 days. Taking dd who will then be 10 months is not an option. DH seems to think it will be fine as I will have stopped bf and she will be with family etc. But I feel sick at the thought of her being traumatised by my absence. Has anyone any experience with leaving their baby for such a length of time?

99redbafoons Thu 06-Mar-14 13:02:41

No I haven't and I probably wouldn't. But that's me. To be honest, regardless of what posters say on here only you can make the decision over whether to leave her or not.

curiousgeorgie Thu 06-Mar-14 13:04:25

I left my 13 month old for 2 nights and it was hellish.

On the other hand, my B&SIL left their 10 month old for 16 days and didn't bat an eyelid.

I think you know what you can cope with.

Jess03 Thu 06-Mar-14 13:04:38

I've certainly left dd for a couple of days at that age and older, can you do something shorter? I don't think 10 days is wrong but the guilt you'll feel may turn it into an empty memory.

Babieseverywhere Thu 06-Mar-14 13:05:32

I would not of enjoyed a prolonged separation from such a young baby and even if the baby was 100% happy, I wouldn't be able to enjoy a dream trip.

Could you not rearrange the dates for the following year, when she is older and you would feel better about it or take her with you ?

juneau Thu 06-Mar-14 13:07:43

I couldn't have left either of mine at this age for such a long time. I think I'd defer the honeymoon or change it to something where we could take the baby.

georgeousgeorge Thu 06-Mar-14 13:09:51

I think you need to decide - is this honeymoon a 10 day trip of a lifetime for you and DH OR is it a family holiday....

Whatever you decide I wouldn't confuse the two, you aren't going to have a relaxing "holiday of a lifetime" with a 10 month old who will still need bottles sterilising etc

ps I don't think she'll be traumatised.... I think the problem will be more with you!! I did 4 days away from Ds when he was 9 months, it was me who was the wreck not him!

neversleepagain Thu 06-Mar-14 13:17:10

I wouldn't. I have been away from my 17 month DD's for two nights and I missed them terribly. 10 days would be too long for me.

Mutley77 Thu 06-Mar-14 13:55:06

Personally I couldn't - my eldest of 3 is 9 now and my youngest is a baby - I can't imagine ever leaving any of them that long of my own volition - it will happen when they leave me!! 3 nights in a row is the longest I've left any of mine (two eldest were 4 and 7 at the time - baby was not yet born).

Artandco Thu 06-Mar-14 13:58:30

I would have. Every 6 months since tiny mine have stayed with grandparents for a week at a time

hoppingmad Thu 06-Mar-14 14:00:57

I haven't but I would. Deferring might be worse anyway as at least now you won't be missed too much.
My df was away for months at a time growing up. Yes he was working but some relaxing couple time is no less valid.
If I had the chance of a week away from it all you'd better believe I'd take it (I have had the week from hell though so that might be a contributing factor!)

RandomInternetStranger Thu 06-Mar-14 14:01:08

No I haven't and wouldn't. I didn't plan to feed as long as I did but was still feeding at 10 months and had barely had a night out by then never mind 10 days. In fact I didn't leave DD for that long till she was 6 and that was against my will and wishes.

ExBrightonBell Thu 06-Mar-14 14:37:38

I haven't left my ds (now nearly 20 months) for even one night, and I wouldn't leave him for more than 1 or 2 days max. I wouldn't like it, and would be miserable not seeing him.

However, that's me and my personal feelings. Only you know what you would be like. Don't do something because you think you should - do what feels right for you.

Alibabaandthe40nappies Thu 06-Mar-14 14:40:37

I haven't been apart from either of my DCs for that long, there is no way I could have done it when they were 10 months old. I would be reluctant even with DS1 now, and he is five and a half.

How do you know you will have stopped BF?

I would say that it won't be much of a trip of a lifetime if you're stressing about it for months beforehand.

Artandco Thu 06-Mar-14 14:43:36

Oh and I still breastfed both until 2 1/2 years. At 7 months when first left I just left enough expressed milk for the week ( baby had a bottle of bm twice a day anyway before as dh worked from home in day)

Now at 2 and 4 they look forward to the visits as soon as they return from one.

Flexiblefriend Thu 06-Mar-14 14:48:46

I left DD when she was a bit younger for 5 days. She was absolutely fine, I absolutely hated it and spent the whole time worrying about her. I don't think your baby will be remotely traumatised, if she is left with family who she knows well, and who love her. I think what you need to consider is whether you will enjoy the holiday when you are away from her. If not there you could always save the honeymoon to a time when you do feel more comfortable. Don't be pressured into doing it if it doesn't feel right to you, it will end up being a colossal waste of money!

morethanpotatoprints Thu 06-Mar-14 14:52:10

I agree with 99Redballoons

We couldn't do it, we did without. There is only you and your dh who can decide.

shoppingfrenzy Thu 06-Mar-14 14:52:55

We left DS1 when he was 18 months with family and went on holiday for 10 days. We had a lovely time.

Nubbin Thu 06-Mar-14 14:57:13

I'l speak for the other side - we left dd at 10 months to go away together for 10 days. I went back to work full time at 7 months and it was a chance for me and DH (police officer so shift work) to finally spend some time together. Dd had an excellent time with Nanna and Grandad and learnt to crawl. I missed her but would be worse tbh leaving her now (just 4) than then.

bigTillyMint Thu 06-Mar-14 14:59:28

I could (and did) have left my DC for a couple of days at that age, but not 10 - I would have been traumatised, never mind them!

Infact the DC (14 and 13) have never been away from us for more than a week yetblush!

malovitt Thu 06-Mar-14 15:04:08

My friend was in a similar situation - it was a honeymoon trip and they intended leave their 8 month old for 9 days with her parents.

Her new DH was fine about it but she was not, and flew home after four miserable days.

bigTillyMint Thu 06-Mar-14 15:06:07

Infact, we took DD on honeymoon with usgrin

notso Thu 06-Mar-14 15:26:08

I left my 7 year old and 3 year old for a week for my honeymoon. We had a fantastic time and so did the DC. I really missed them by the end if the week.
I wouldn't have been happy leaving a baby and I don't think it is fair on whoever is looking after them. PIL had DN aged 13 months for three weeks when BIL got married, they were knackered and stressed by the end of it.

JuniperHeartwand Thu 06-Mar-14 15:32:34

How do you know you will have stopped BF?

I thought I was going to have stopped by then too but in the end it was 14mo for various reasons. Even so I went away for 4 nights when she was 12mo, no ill effect. But I wouldn't plan 10 days away that young.

UnexpectedItemInShaggingArea Thu 06-Mar-14 15:33:54

No, she will not be traumatised. You are not a bad parent for considering it. It is a personal choice.

However, if you are not happy, you won't enjoy the trip.

Can you postpone it until you are happier?

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