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Making friends through the children and then problems between the children happen....

(5 Posts)
1000and1000 Wed 05-Mar-14 17:19:39

I don't want to write an essay, so will keep brief. I got to know a lady through our young chilldren, 4 and 6 yrs old. She has one girl almost 5 who is very bossy ( cannot think of a non perjorative word). I have always found it difficult to see my children going along with what she wants but i know a lot of that is my own issues.

The lady found a pony riding lesson for the children, 2 ponies, 3 chilldren, For the first 3 times this girl went first, on the horse she wanted. She has to be first and made a fuss when she had to walk some of the time. I have found this difficult to handle as i felt always she was getting want she wanted and one of my children had to walk. we are trying to make things fair between the children and her mom is now doing a better job of getting her to share.

but i feel ths friendship has cooled, her mom is more distant towards me and I feel sad about that. It is now helped by a language barrier between us as she speaks some english but not fluently and my german is also far from fluent.

I guess i have reached the conclusion i just do not want to make friends through the children as it is just so complicated.

LastingLight Wed 05-Mar-14 17:35:52

I've met some lovely mums, and then the kids' friendship peters out and opportunities to see the mums are no longer there. It's sad, but part of life with kids. There is one mom I keep in contact with, our daughters don't mingle at school at all but when we get them together they get on well so we just arrange things that way.

1000and1000 Thu 06-Mar-14 08:24:15

I know I need to stay out of it more but my children don't stand up for themselves and I have a hard time with that, I know the problem is mine, not this other little girl, she wants what she wants and she will assert herself. She stands immediately next to the pony she wants to go on and expects to do it. My children just stand there and let her do that and I find that upsetting.

I am upset with her mother for having let her do this but many people would say, if your children are not bothered then what is the fuss, but it just does not feel fair to me.

What could have been a really enjoyable experience has been spoilt for me and I know it is not about me but I find it so hard to handle this type of situation, I know a lot of it is me.

LastingLight Thu 06-Mar-14 08:51:31

I don't think the problem is you at all, what you want for your children is not unreasonable. It's the other mum's job to teach her daughter that she has to take turns and cannot always be first. Could your kids go on their own at a different time?

Nocomet Thu 06-Mar-14 09:30:58

I'm really cross with myself for letting a DF fall by the wayside because our respective DDs don't get on.

They are the same age, they are much the same background, there is no good reason why they can't make an effort to get on.

They did when they were small, we met at a mutual friends DDs birthday.

But as they get older they find each other hard work.

Trouble is DF is a confidence free zone, I can't tell her I'd love to meet up for coffee, but not as families.

My quirky still races about and climbs trees DD1 finds her needs to be a normal teen DD1 very hard work and DD2 finds her very bossy. She rubs along just about with friends DD2, who is her age, but complains her big sister interferes.

Truth is they are all at fault, non of them make an effort.

DFs DD1 is very clever, but as confidence free as her DM and my two could try harder not to let her annoy them.
DFs DD2 could tell her sister to bugger off doing the mother hen act and DD2, who has way the best social skills of any of them, could sodding well use them!

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