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staying connected to my child as he is growing

(13 Posts)
tobethatis Wed 05-Mar-14 16:59:57

I have two small boys, just one year apart. My eldest is 5 and unlike the younger one I feel like he is always pulling away from me. They are obviously different individuals but I worry im doing something wrong. He often looks away as we speak to him. He doesnt answer questions. He is a bit into himself yet on the other hand he is also very physical. He loves to move etc. Developmental wise I think he is doing well. But, on an emotional front I feel like he doesnt 'hear' me. He does say mummy I love you but I often see him just wandering in his own world. I dont want to compare the two, I know that is wrong but I wonder if anyone has the same experience. My other son by comparison never stops talking and lolls around me 24/7. They play together well but bicker as per normal.

gualsa Wed 05-Mar-14 20:53:18

I hate to be the one mentioning it but he sounds like he is on the autism spectrum somewhere. Have you considered that?

Try speaking to his GP and his teacher if you have not already done so..

TheGreatHunt Wed 05-Mar-14 20:55:09

So he says he loves you but it isn't enough? My D's looks away when I talk to him if he's being told off or his mind wanders. But he is normal to me and will make eye contact it engaged.

Hassled Wed 05-Mar-14 20:56:34

Siblings are different - it can take a while to really get that (I know it did for me). You'll have a daydreamer off in his own little world and then a feisty, more straightforward type and so on. If he's happy and secure and school have no concerns then I wouldn't worry.

purpleroses Wed 05-Mar-14 22:30:20

Does your DS1 get much chance to be with you without DS2 around? I think the elder child sometimes backs off a bit if the younger one is claiming ownership of you to a great extent.

Are there any activities you and he can do together? I've had some wonderful weekends walking trips with just my DS (leaving younger DD at home) where he really starts to chat and we enjoy each other's company.

tobethatis Thu 06-Mar-14 17:44:02

thanks for your responses - we have had him checked for speech reasons and they ruled out anything being wrong with him - but can see why you thought that. i think as someone said hes just a different character. its a bit tricky taking them out without each other but im going to have to find a way so we can have some alone time. I think in general he is a little happy bee its just a bit unsettling their differences being so stark. I guess its just life

Bonsoir Thu 06-Mar-14 17:45:57

Some DC just don't care about being with parents as much as others. I had a small cousin to stay for a week last year - she was 6 and it was the first time she had been abroad on her own. She doesn't know us well. She didn't miss her parents one little bit and could barely be persuaded to say hello to her mother down the telephone.

Twintery Thu 06-Mar-14 17:51:32

I dont want to mention something either. But has he always been like this? There isnt something that someone may have done to him for example?

tobethatis Thu 06-Mar-14 19:24:31

no i dont think so but we have some issues at school in how they talk to the children ... that crossed my mind too

Twintery Thu 06-Mar-14 19:27:06

At what age did you notice that he was looking away etc?

moobaloo Fri 07-Mar-14 20:16:07

I'd recommend a book called playful parenting

www.amazon.co.uk/Playful-Parenting-Lawrence-J-Cohen/dp/0345442865/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1394223226&sr=1-1&keywords=playful+parenting

Lots about connection, maintaining connection as they grow and very sensible guidance. I really like the points he makes and the way it doesn't tell you to do a certain type of parenting, just follow your child and empower them.

tobethatis Fri 07-Mar-14 21:40:23

thanks for the advice

tobethatis Fri 07-Mar-14 21:40:47

that book looks interesting will buy it

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