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Need help to advise DD20 emerging from possibly abusive relationship

(3 Posts)
singaporefling Sun 02-Mar-14 18:12:32

Wasn't sure where to post parenting/relationships. DD has suffered from depression in her teens/self-harmed/mood swings/anxiety - but DOES seem to be well on the road to recovery. She's even managing to study away from home as long as she sees me/family every weekend or so. She's had a couple of year-long relationships, the last one ending a few weeks ago. It seemed very volatile to me and didn't seem to work for either of them, but today she told me that the boy (23) was 'emotionally abusive and a little bit violent a few times' (her words). We've discussed red flags/gas-lighting/that NO abuse or violence is ever acceptible and she DOES seem to be aware/becoming more emotionally resilient generally. However, this last relationship has left her feeling angry, well, seething and frustrated that she couldn't get him to understand that some of his behaviour WAS abusive and I'm trying to help her to move on. She's got a first appointment with a counsellor next week and I'm hoping that speaking to an impartial professional will help. Apart from that, can anybody recommend any age-appropriate literature that might be useful to read? She's highly intelligent/analytical/insightful in many areas - but by definition, at 20, not highly experienced which is why I mentioned age-appropriate iycwim... Sorry this is long but I know some of you out there might be able to point me/her in thhe right direction - thank you

BookABooSue Sun 02-Mar-14 23:03:47

The EA thread on the relationships board has a reading list at the top. It includes some easily accessible articles that might help.

It also includes Lundy Bancroft which is often recommended. However, I'm not sure it is age appropriate for your dd. It can be a bit of a struggle to read and also seems to alienate quite a few people on a first read. It includes a lot of harsh truths.

Well done on supporting her through this. Hopefully her counsellor will help her realise that she can't make someone see their behaviour is abusive and also that it doesn't matter whether they see their behaviour as abusive or not. Abusers don't want to recognise and name their actions. That doesn't mean they aren't aware of them, it just means they don't want to validate their victim's/partner's response.

singaporefling Sun 02-Mar-14 23:12:04

Thank you for pointing me in the right direction ! I really wasn't sure where to look thanks

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