How early did you feel ready to leave your baby overnight?(41 Posts)
Not a judgemental question, I am expecting, and my friend gets married when the baby will be around 4 months old.
She is being amazing and not pressurising but ideally she would like me to stay with her the night before the wedding, as I'm MoH part of me would really like to be there for her at this special time, I haven't committed as yet as I'm just not sure if I'll feel ready to leave my baby. I don't want to be a PITA as I know its so lovely to be asked to be a bridesmaid and I do want to help her out as much as I can.
I am hoping to breastfeed which adds another dimension, although I guess I can pump o/n if little one is happy bottle feeding.
Also during the day as both my husband and I are in the wedding party we wont be able to sit with baby or spend much time with them..in laws are invited so will be helping out with caring for them.
When did you feel ready to leave your baby overnight? What helped to prepare for this?
Sorry I do realise this is probably massively PFB
I was bridesmaid twice when dd was v little. Once at 4mo and again at 5mo.
The first time, the bride had a baby 5 weeks older than dd but we both did things differently. She expressed enough for the day and her family fed her ds. Dd is a bottle refuser so I kept sneaking off to a side room to feed her as I had to pull dress right down to feed her. I sat on top table and tbh DP spent most of time pushing her round the grounds, rather than sitting at his table with her.
We (dp, dd & I) stayed with bride, the night before, as huge house, 5hr drive & she insisted as it would save us money. I couldn't have left dd overnight for two nights (still haven't left her overnight, at all and she's 10mo).
For the second wedding, the plan was for us to drive down (2hr drive) on morning of wedding, despite other bridesmaids staying in hotel with the bride, the night before. I knew before dd was here that I didn't want the pressure of working round bf, overnight. Dd was supposed to spend day with DP's sister and we'd drive home in early eve.
That all went pearshaped when dd decided she hated the bottle. We ended up taking dd (to a childfree wedding). The bride was brilliant about it. I'd arranged with one of the other bridesmaids, that DP & dd would spend day around and about the venue and I'd use her room to feed/change dd, before I told the bride that dd would have to come. The bride said not to be daft and had a place set for dd, at our table. I just snuck off to feed her, as dress again, needed pulling right down.
Didn't mean that to be so long, but wanted to show different approaches and that plans can easily go out of the window.
4 months - for a hen do then at 5 months for the wedding. God I loved it
it was 4 months for me... same as you - for a wedding
Dd has just had her first night away from me, she's 2 and a half but only recently stopped bf. Ds stopped bf at 4 months and had his first night away at 5 months.
Honestly, its so difficult to say. I could have left DS1 overnight straight away, but he wasn't ready for me to leave him overnight! I did go out overnight when he was about 4 or 5 months, for a hen party. I mix fed him so he was already used to bottles. I ended up leaving at 4am because my breasts were so engorged I couldn't stand it. Good job I'd only had a few drinks!
DD is 4mo and I wouldn't, but only because she is EBF, won't take a bottle and still feeds every 3 hours at night. With DS I would have as he slept through from about 10wo. Every baby is different so you really do need to wait and see how your baby is and how you feel nearer the time.
18mo. Wasn't ready before then and wouldn't have done it by choice even then. He was a bottle refuser so wouldhave been absolutely impossible until about a year anyway.
But I didn't leave him for any period of time except a 20min smear test until he was 6mo - just didn't want to!
I think we left him overnight at about 4 months... I can't really remember... But at that point he was almost sleeping during the night. I breastfed too but gave a bottle of formula before bed.
As most people say though you absolutely cannot plan this. You've No reason to fear sitting at the top table though. Most venues would have room you could use. If you're not comfortable feeding at top table, you won't be at any other table.
Could you invite her to stay with you the night before? And plan a few surprises and some pampering? Sounds like she will be understanding either way!
I don't think it matters what anyone else does, the thing is to do what is right for you. I would have left my baby very happily if I'd had anyone close to leave him with . I mix fed so that wouldn't have been an issue - I did leave him for an evening at 6 days when my mother was staying and I was 'judged' for that. Not that other people's opinion bothered me.
My closest friend has never left her children overnight - they are 11 and 9 - just do what right's for you and your situation.
Tonight's the first night - he's 13 months.
Thanks for all the tips, I have got a portable pump so pumping is an option...if I can..
I have told friend if I do leave them I will male sure I do a practice night before at some point so that she doesn't have to cope with me being anxious on her night. My gut feeling is that it's not going to work but we will see, I could really need a night off by then
I left DS once at 4 months overnight and will be again tomorrow at 6 months. My DM literally lives ten steps around the corner though, which makes it easier. I'm not bf though so slightly different situation. You can never predict how you will feel, I never thought I'd be so worried leaving him with people other than my DP and DM but it fills me with dread.
About two months. It's far easier then than later when they start to get clingy.
For us, it's really important to spend a night or two without dd at least a few times a year. It keeps our couple life strong.
Different for different people though but there's nothing to feel guilty about.
I would say just wait and see. I left my ds overnight at grandparents at 3 weeks. He was ebf, took the bottle no problem and I had no issues expressing enough for him for 18 hours. I went to a fancy work do and expressed before, after and in the morning all fine. So it can be done though I appreciate every baby is different
Still not left dd overnight at 16 months, mind you we've not had anything we've really needed to leave her for (no weddings). She's an unreliable sleeper so feel a bit nervous about leaving her with anyone. More for their sake than for hers!
We have left our baby overnight once at 3 months with my MIL and she was absolutely fine. Your parents or your in-laws have brought up children of their own and (should!) know what they're doing!
With BF it does depend though - a friend of mine hasn't even managed a couple of hours away fr her baby as she is a bottle refuser.
Also if you're anything like me, you will NEED that pump in the middle of the night to stop boobs being in agony!
..., sent too soon....
I wasn't thing about mumsnet, more RL. Joosie, from her post, sounds like she feels judged but chooses to steer her own ship. I feel the same. We both had very different experiences inestimable our DC. Neither is 'right' - we just did what we needed to do. And screw everyone else.
And - yes- I have blatantly been judged in RL for leaving my DC for a night when he was 6mo - and working away for weekly stretches at a time since he was 10mo. Just like the people who judge mums for NOT leaving their children, those people didn't know what they were talking about and I chose to ignore them
I was talking about joosie and myself - who both obviously feel judged, even of we choose to ignore it.
You're misinterpreting my post
I agree with WhoKnows - I don't think anyone's been remotely judgmental. Who are you talking about, Cosmo?
Eh? I certainly don't feel judged. I can't see any posts where anyone has said anything judgey or that they have been judged. That wasn't the question, the question was about the practicalities of it and whether people felt ready for it themselves at the same time in their babies lives.
Yes, just wait and see. I have friends and family who have left dc earlier than that, they had the type that slept all night and settled with anyone.
Me, I left DS first at 7m for work overnight. He and his sister were Velcro, refluxy babies. DS woke every 45 mins for 5 months. The concept of going to a wedding for even a couple of hours would have been beyond me at 4m. I felt horrific, tbh. They completely bottle refused (I tried everything) and I had to wait til they got the hang of a cup. This is extreme though.
You sound v realistic. Ignore the first 6 weeks which are a bit of a blur for most people, and then see how you feel. So much can change in 4 months.
At about 6 weeks. We were visiting my mother, had been there almost two weeks so he was used to being there. We snuck off to a hotel for a night and slept
and slept and slept. It was lovely.
It seems everyone feels judged! Both for leaving and not leaving. I think the central message is to wait and see what is right for you- to hell with what anyone else thinks x
My dd is 19 months old, and I still haven't left her overnight.
Only last month, we went to a matinee of a west end show and left her with her aunty from 10.30am til 7 at night, for the first time since she's been born.
People can judge all they like. I don't care. We are happy and will do things when we are ready!
If it's right for you, it's right. Full stop. If anyone judges, it's because they need to because it's how they work. It means nothing about you, so should mean nothing to you.
Most of all, enjoy your child! They are not little for very long at all! X
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