I'm so unwell and have been under the weather for a few days, I'm also 38+3 weeks pregnant and very stressed. I moved many miles away from family due to DH's job and have felt so alone here. I know no one and have little energy to go out and meet people (where do I even start?)
Anyway, today was a good day. DS and I spent most of it cuddling in bed watching his favourite shows and playing together but it all went downhill at bedtime. I was. looking forward to his bedtime as this meant that I could sleep too but he kept coming out of his bed.. I'd put him back and the same would happen. I called DH to find out where he was to find that he was on the train about half an hour away. I felt like crying at the prospect of another night of battling with DS over bedtime.
Anyway, I screamed down the phone that "I've fucking had enough!!" and DS cries at the top of the stairs to which I yelled "Go to bed!" in the ugliest voice I've ever heard. I really yelled/screamed. He refused and tried to come downstairs but I took him to his room, and shut the door. Cue him trying to open it for 5 minutes screaming while I was on the other side slumped down sobbing.
I went to bed and he got in my bed, cuddled me and fell asleep. I almost dies from guilt!! I tried waking him up to apologize but he's out for the night. My poor boy!
I don't know how I'll cope with baby number 2! I'm lonely here, DS is the only company I have all day when he's not at nursery and DH doesn't seem to understand how miserable I am "Just get on with it, you're a mother and wife.. you can't always run to your mum for help. deal with it"... I felt this close to running out of the house and in to the traffic just so I can have eternal rest.
I'm a terrible mother. DS deserves better, he's only 3. He just wanted mummy to hold his hand to sleep and I couldn't do that because I want to sleep? Now I'm sure he's scared of me.
I hope I don't wake up tomorrow!
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Parenting
I really yelled at my DS tonight and I really scared him
34 replies
Guiltstricken · 26/02/2014 22:28
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