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Would I be a bad mum if........?

(28 Posts)
Cupcakemummy85 Sun 23-Feb-14 19:13:51

Would I be a bad mum if I asked dh to take dd to her 1 year immunisations? The reason being I've really got myself into such a state about them. Dd1 had them and after she was a nightmare and I can remember the crying during and after, I cried with her. It completely breaks my heart. I would be waiting for her once they r done. I feel really bad saying this.
Also I am just wondering/hoping not every child has such a strong reaction to the jabs like dd1, it literally changed her afterwards.

BuzzardBird Sun 23-Feb-14 19:14:52

Sounds like a good idea to me. You crying with her is really not going to help re phobias

MrsDavidBowie Sun 23-Feb-14 19:18:39

As long as he doesn't react like you, he should take her. But will you be the same for all vaccinations?

releasethehounds Sun 23-Feb-14 19:20:13

I've had to do all the medical stuff with my DDs as DH hasn't got the stomach for it. So why not the other way round? I think women tend to be judged more than men on these issues.

How does your DH feel about doing it?

kslatts Sun 23-Feb-14 19:44:13

It sounds as though it would be better for your DH to do it. Don't feel bad about it.

CuntyBunty Sun 23-Feb-14 19:45:48

Nah, it's fine and a sensible idea. Your DD has two parents, so why not?

Passmethecrisps Sun 23-Feb-14 19:47:51

DH took dd because he looks after her on the day it was booked. Mind you, I still felt bad not being there. She just needs comfort and by the sounds of it her dad will be better served and you can be safe in the knowledge that she is getting it.

There is absolutely no reason at all that your DH should not do it.

ZingSweetMango Sun 23-Feb-14 20:02:51

give her calpol 20 mins before and a piece of chocolate straight after.

mine cry way less since I started doing it!wink

but no, you are not a bad parent - although I think it will do you good to toughen up a bit and I mean that in the nicest possible way.

if you cry with her she might get more upset - as she sees you upset you are giving her a message that the situation is totally awful.
you need to learn to pretend a bit and hide your feelings - she needs you to be strong to make her feel safe.

(you can always cry afterwards!)

I hope you see what I mean by that and good luck with it.

Chopsypie Sun 23-Feb-14 20:06:52

I haven't taken either of my kids to any of their immunisations, after having a panic attack when the midwife did DS's heel prick.

DH takes them. I'm sure I would be fine, as I won't be a hormonal weeping mess like I was that time, but I'm happy to let him.

No one has ever said anything to me, do whatever works best for you. Better for the little one to be kept calm by dad then become upset because they sense your upset

Guitargirl Sun 23-Feb-14 20:10:00

Of course you wouldn't be a bad mum, if your DH is ok with it then why not?

But you do need to prepare yourself that there will be things that are going to physically and emotionally hurt your DD in the future and you probably won't be able to opt out of them all as easily as this. Sorry, that probably sounds really patronising...

My DD cried for a minute or two after each vaccination, my DS sobbed for hours and looked at me as though I had mutilated him for ages. But changed him afterwards? No.

RebeccaJames Sun 23-Feb-14 22:33:22

OP, what do you mean it "changed her afterwards"? Is that as scary as it sounds?

hippo123 Mon 24-Feb-14 08:05:12

Sounds like a sensible solution to me. You are aware that you can always decline, delay or space out vaccinations aren't you? Your last line doesn't sound to great.

gamerchick Mon 24-Feb-14 08:07:15

Course not... I think I attended 1 set of needles with 1 of my 3 kids... I couldn't even be in the room for the heel prick test. That's what dads are for.

Ragwort Mon 24-Feb-14 08:21:57

Sounds very sensible - I have no problem with taking my DS for vaccinations or even to hospital when he had a very serious operation but for some reason I find it incredibly difficult to take him to the dentist. I am not a dentist phobic - I go quite happily on my own - but just have a real horror of sitting with him while he is in the dentist chair or even being in the waiting room. He is about to start orthodontal work now and I am dreading it (for me blush).

But to answer your question, why on earth shouldn't dads be the ones to take their children for vaccinations or any other treatment - yet another thing to make mums feel guilty over. confused

MorganLeFey Mon 24-Feb-14 15:22:31

Just re. the Calpol before idea... Paracetamol reduces the response to vaccinations (measured antibodies) but the point is to have a decent response to give immunity - so giving it in advance/just in case/automatically afterwards (or even if there is a fever as long as OK in themselves) may not be best idea.

Anyhow - 2nd sending someone else because I think especially at preschool jabs how the adult behaves is a big influence on the child! Just make sure it's someone who also has parental responsibility or you go along too in case there are any consent issues.

Wibblytummy Mon 24-Feb-14 15:27:47

My DH comes to nearly all imms appointments if he can. I visibly flinch when I see the needle and have an urge cry along with my kids too as I think needles are horrid. I'm in the room but look after the child not being jabbed and DH holds and comforts the poor one up for the needle. This way hopefully I don't pass on my fears/phobias!

MrsMcEnroe Mon 24-Feb-14 15:35:37

I did this with my DD (our 2nd DC). I had done all the vaccination appointments up at that point, but was so traumatised by DS' pre-school boosters (3 injections, in the thighs, with him screaming and trying to tear the needles out) that I insisted that DH take DD to her pre-school booster appt.

Apparently she didn't even whimper, and chattered away happily to the nurse the entire time. Didn't even notice the needles.

MrsMcEnroe Mon 24-Feb-14 15:36:20

Oh - so basically OP, do it, it doesn't make you a bad mother if your DH goes to the appointment!

MiaowTheCat Mon 24-Feb-14 16:23:32

I do the jab appointments (DD1 was MORE pissed off they made her baby sister cry with her 8 week ones than about her own 1 year ones btw - you don't mess with lil sis!) but I have a very very very severe dental phobia and so DH HAS to do all the dentist appointments for them as I'm desperate not to pass my terror of the place on to them like my mum did with me (she reckoned she was hiding it at the time - she wasn't!)

Jackanory1978 Mon 24-Feb-14 20:00:54

Dh will have to take ds to his one year jabs cos I'll be at work.

BocaDeTrucha Mon 24-Feb-14 20:34:27

Can't see why you need to ask, tbh. No where is it written anywhere that the dm needs to take the dc for their jabs so if course it doesn't make you a bad mum. Dh works for himself so is always available to take ds for any doctor appointments and I don't feel like a bad mum.

Like a pp said, probably sounds like the best for all concerned if you're going to cry. Do you yourself have some kind of needle phobia?

IdaClair Mon 24-Feb-14 20:37:23

Would your do be a terrible father if you took them!?

Dh took the baby for all three infant sets, I was at work.

He SHOULD take them IMO. It's not helpful for you to pass on your anxiety.

I know how you feel, BTW, DS has been distraught at every one of his no matter how upbeat and relaxed I was about it (he was always relaxed beforehand too!)

DH has promised to take any future children! (He's not DS' dad or he'd have taken him too!)

We have our strengths. I do educational stuff, he does scary stuff! I'm awful and pick up on DS' anxiety along with my own and make him worse.

HelenHen Tue 25-Feb-14 09:46:12

Of course let him take him. I end up in a worse state than ds every time and I wish dh could go cos he'd be so much better. Last time a friend came and offered to do it but then the silly guilt set in and I couldn't let her. I hate them! Thankfully ds is much better than me... He just looked shocked and cried for s few seconds.

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