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When you have another

(6 Posts)
JSARJSARstar4567 Wed 19-Feb-14 20:55:08

How to know when to have another child??

I have one son who is 5 years old and he is my world. I enjoy being a mum but do find it difficult. I sometimes think that I would love to have another child but then other times think I never want another child.

I don't like the thought of my son bring an only child but worry about having another just incase I can't cope. When I had my son I suffered PND and had a breakdown when my partner left me and I didn't recieve much support from my mum.

If I fell pregnant by mistake I know I would keep it but putting myself in the situation of being pregnant frightens me just incase I am really unhappy about having another child. I do find it difficult the roles that men have compared to women when it comes to children.

Don't know what to do, I'm sorry if I seem ungrateful I am lucky to have a healthy and happy child.

Feel free to comment x

Eletheomel Wed 19-Feb-14 20:59:14

I think you just know (I wanted a second child the minute I clapped eyes on my first born - crappy though the labour was, as soon as I saw him I thought he was amazing, and I also thought, I want to do this again - much to DH's surprise (he was busy telling me that he was never going to put me through that again...).

If you don't know, I'd say you're not ready to have another child, I don't think it's something you can go into half-cocked (so to speak). Accidental pregnancy apart (when you may well enter into motherhood not very prepared) if you're planning another, I think you should be 100% sure you want one, if you're only 50:50 - don't do it.

JSARJSARstar4567 Wed 19-Feb-14 21:10:30

Your DH sounds lovely ��

Ok thanks for the advice I'll keep that in mind. It's difficult to know what is best to do and what the future holds. X

Eletheomel Wed 19-Feb-14 21:51:41

I suppose for me age was a factor too, I was old, didn't have much 'childbearing' time ahead to consider whether I wanted one or not, I never wanted an only child, so therefore a second was always on the cards (if possible).

I note you query mens roles compared to women when it comes to children? Do you feel your current partner isn't as involved with your child as you are? Do you think if he was more involved that would sway you towards a second (e.g. if you thought you'd get more support?)

I have a really hands-on DH so I've never queried the support I'd get for another child, but if you felt you were going to have to carry the main burden, I can see that motherhood second time round might not be as appealing..

GuybrushThreepwoodMP Wed 19-Feb-14 21:55:50

I feel the same. I have a 16 month dd and some days I feel certain I want another- although not quite yet. Some days I think maybe not. I'm assuming that I'll know if / when I'm ready I guess. I'm more considered than spontaneous / hormonal about this type of thing so it may involve a pros and cons list at some point. But at the moment I know there are definitely more reasons not to have a baby.
I think I have more reservations about a second because first time round, I had no idea of the impact it would have on our lives. Now I do. It's enormous. The thought of that impact changing my lovely current family life terrifies me.
But can I imagine not having another and doing all this again at some point? Maybe not...
Indecision, indecision...

bellablot Wed 19-Feb-14 21:57:36

I think you just know. I'm pregnant with DC4, after each one I've known I would have another. My dsis had her first DC a year ago and knows she will never do it again. Women do bare the brunt of child rearing, whether that be unfortunate or not, times have not changed much there.

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